She’s not much of a drinker, she does not like me drinking a lot because my depression. I just wanna drink! beats dealing with my depression! I am drinking as I am typing this. She’s fine if I have a few, but a lot? not really. If I had the money i’d be hammered everyday so I don’t have to deal with myself.

Apparently it was nothing, not mad at all. Saw a post from someone saying if she was mad at a guy she would want him to text her and talk about it, so I thought maybe she’s that way too? then text her.

Me: Yo, are you mad at me or something? normally we text throughout the week since we started texting months ago and I had a weird feeling you were not happy with me for some reason after I walked you to your car.
Her: Not at all!!! just been working a lot.
Her: Had a lot of fun with you guys. 🙂
Me: Alright cool, so we good? I like texting you (I typed the name she likes the most that I told her I was going to learn) and keeping in contact with you, just had a weird feeling is all.
Her: It’s all good buddy..talk soon xo
Me: Yep. Big UFC tonight.
Me: Peace

If she retires it will be in a year or 2 and i’ll likely never see her again, I don’t even have my drivers license. I dunno what to say to her right now…I need to stop caring for her so much, I know she does not care about me that much and we are just friends even though I’ve never asked and it’s destroying me! also what I have read online is if you tell your friends you like them they get all awkward and stop messaging you or talking to you. I still want to get her that mug idea of yours for Christmas though. I just want her to care about me like I care about her, i’d jump off a bridge for her! This threads been around here for 2 months, what do you think is going on?

If she ever found this thread things would be so awkward between us i’m sure, so i’ll make sure not to show her this thread lol.

I’d love to have a relationship with her, I just don’t think it would be right for her. 21 year relationship with a guy who was like me, she still loves him but she’s moving on and has been single a year and a half. I think she deserves to have a better guy then me tbh, I just wish we could hang out more often and i’ll do my best to always make sure she has an awesome time. From what I have gathered the guy is supposed to do all the work. I used to be so infatuated with her and everytime I saw her I was so happy, then the day I told her I lied to her about the pills happened, then it’s kinda went away…now I just care deeply about her, I don’t even get happy when I see her, I guess i’m way more comfortable now? I dunno what I want with her, just that I wish she cared for me like I care for her. I’m sure she knows I care for her, but who knows? I’ll never tell her, i’ll just let this play out and whatever happens happens.

Alright so i’m going to try looking up places to get that coffee mug, will need a nice picture of a bee in a flower getting the nectar. Hopefully it does not break in the mail.

I mean when they send it to me. I’ll give it to her in person, but things break a lot in the mail when things are “delicate”. I’ll wear a santa beard and give out candy canes to everyone in the restaurant aswell.

Well I caught her on the end of her break, she’s disappointed in me right now.

Me: Yo, you working today?
Her: Yep..all night 🙁
Me: $$$
Her: I know, your right lol
Me: Makes the world go round and round unfortunately. Enjoying day 2 of 3 off…got almost blacked out drunk watching UFC, still dunno if McGregor won the fight. Too bad you didn’t come, was a good fight and 8 of us.
Her: Too much drink I think pat
Her: Shouldn’t drink with the meds
Me: Yeah about that…
Her: Are you still taking them? I hope
Her: Tell the truth
Her: No judgement
Her: I ate wheat twice. Broke the oath..tummy doesn’t feel too good after
Her: Been good though
Me: I kinda got into a rage fit with myself last week and threw them into the garbage and started drinking a lot again.
Her: Pat! noooo!
Her: Atleast stop drinking
Me: It’s hard now
Her: Please it just makes things worse
Her: We will have to make a new challenge..no drinking..no wheat?
Her: I wish u could see a phycologist. Fast 🙁
Her: Theres a lot going on inside..
Me: I’ve been this way for a LONG time, I still get those thoughts constantly
Her: Agggg
Her: Must be so frusterating!
Me: Enough about me though
Her: I have to go soon..just on a break
Her: About to move my car
Me: Where is your car?
Me: Have a great shift, message you later
Her: Have to move it so I don’t get a ticket
Her: Ok..ttys pat
Her: I’m disappointed..i want you to feel better
Her: But I kind of understand <3

After I wrote that she said some more.

Her: Not good for you!
Her: Eat healthy, exercise and try to have fun
Me: I wanna get into movement training, I showed you a video of a guy doing it and you said it looks like capoeira and modern dance
Me: Another video of it
Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0Wr7HsylE0

I’ll message her soon and hope her night went well. Now you know why I said everyone loves her, she’s amazing and deserves a guy way better then me and why i’ll likely not pursue her.

Me: Hope your night went awesome, later
Her: Yes it went well thnx
Her: Not very busy
Her: So are the pills gone?
Me: I’ll take you up for that challenge…no beer for me and no wheat for you
Her: Way to deflect
Me: Pills are still in the garbage, not thrown them out yet
Her: Yuck
Her: I wish you hadn’t
Her: How long ago was that?
Me: Thursday I think
Her: Is the garbage all yucky?
Her: You went almost 2 weeks taking them?
Me: Nope, mostly wrappers
Me: Yep
Her: Will you consider taking them again? you didn’t give them enough time again
Her: And go see dr again
Her: Ask about therapy
Me: Alright
Her: UP TO YOU..I WAS JUST SUGGESTING
Her: U went 2 weeks!
Her: Thank you for listening..and I’m sorry for prying
Her: Just worry
Her: Ok keep me posted
Me: Alright
Her: Best thing would be to take the meds and not drink at all pat

I stopped texting at that point, seemed she was getting angry.