I probably wont call off the friendship, that’s more of my anger talking. I’ll just wish her the best in life and hope she does amazing in her new businesses and text her sometime later down the road next year maybe. You know me, I can’t be mean even if I try.

Oh and 1 last thing that’s been bugging me recently. Why does it seem like things are changing? As I’ve posted in this thread we have had awesome times together. Like that walk along the water flirting, the time i fell down the hill on my butt at the ocean, the time she helped me to the doctors the first time and the walk along the water, to the water, then back, when I got the text from her telling me she loved our present you gave me an idea for (the mug), my first day at the counsellors me calling her so she can calm me down and told me she loves me, the time in the car I swear it looked like she wanted me to kiss her, which i felt awkward and left, the time we had dinner together which was too loud and she wanted it to just be coffee dates so we could talk, the phone calls. 2018 feels like it’s pretty dead now, next to no texts, only 1 hangout, 0 phone calls, no updates on eachother lives anymore, the text she gave me in the summer she said she can’t talk about what she’s doing when before she would have told me, instead I find out at work and the last to know, then when I saw her a few weeks ago she invited me and everyone else to join her at a show, and tells me she’s been thinking of me recently and will message me so we can catch up.

I think I may have figured something out though…I say I don’t text her because it’s just me texting first, but I think I don’t really wanna text her so I don’t. I’m not sure about the phone calling thing though, i’ve had a phobia around her with that preventing me from doing it thinking she is gonna be pissed anytime I call her, so we kinda just randomly stopped. If we stayed friends at all maybe it’s something to talk about during a coffee or something? like ask if I can call her again and maybe try calling more often. I’ve never really had a friendship like this before, it’s mostly just people I work with or go to school with, not hang out and get to know except when I was a small kid and the parents loved me as their own kid, IDK what happened with that friendship though, something happened and I kept running away from him and it ended after many years being friends, I also had a small 1 during high school but him and his friend ended up talking shit behind my back the whole time laughing thinking we were friends. But these years I mostly stay home playing video games forgetting the world.

Yeah we are social creatures, need a little social interaction or we will go insane as Joe Rogan says it, but depending on our energy levels we might hate it and I like having high energy levels the most, I like feeling alive and feel like I can do anything but I also like feeling in the dumps and feel sorry for myself, that energy feels awful yet addictive.

I’ll message her tomorrow after work and update you at the end of the week assuming things are ok, she might not be happy I asked about the money after she just got her new businesses up and running, or feels bad, or missed my text completly.

It’s hard to put into words, but it’s a pretty addictive feeling and agreeing with myself about bad things makes me feel better sometimes. Anyway, this will be my last post until the update.

Hope you are well.

You’re welcome, you’re an awesome person Anita, don’t forget it.

Well I messaged her again but no reply again, so I just activated my facebook for a day and messaged her “Not sure if I ever told you this but i’m proud of you for the businesses you went for, will always hope for the best for you in life and hope you succeed in everything you do, you’re awesome! Now have the best day possible and keep on smiling! ciao.”, also randomly text a few work friends “Just texting you to say you’re awesome! keep being real brother.”, 1 guy is depressed, his dad is dieing of cancer and dimentia at the same time.

Something I wish I did more is appreciate the important people in my life, even if it’s a text or message of them being awesome.