Home→Forums→Tough Times→Let her go?
- This topic has 1,011 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
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December 25, 2016 at 10:25 pm #123594AnonymousInactive
I’m so full!!! Btw when should I ask her for another coffee? A few days after Jan? This time I’ll be ready. When I gave her the present there were no silent times unlike before. I just went with the convo or a buddy text me a question I didn’t know so asked her. Keeps being her ask me for coffee, I’ll ask the next 2 or 3. Lots to look forward to talk about, like her goals and why she decided to move in a year, if she’s going to finish high school? Her dream job, what’s her favourite color? Does she prefer tea or coffee? What does she put in her coffee? Does she drink it black like me? What 1 thing would she change about her life if she could. And so on, there are like a million questions I need to ask over the coffees we will have, not all in 1 obviously. Hope she feels comfortable answering them and not think I’m trying to date her, just taking an interest in a friends life as I really don’t know much of anything about her, just that I have these feelings for her but I’ll not act on them, I am just thankful to have found her in my life! Wish I had more people like her around me in my life.
December 26, 2016 at 9:07 am #123610AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
Yes, she does read like a special person, not too many of her kind: honest, kind, trustworthy, reaching out to others, and more (you can come up with more adjectives that describe her being special…)
I would call her regarding coffee anytime. She can tell you when she is too busy and so, you can plan on a good time for the two of you.
About all the questions you have- I am glad you have them! Ask one at a time and listen for her answer. Not a good idea to think and plan the second question while she is answering the first. Best not to even intend to ask the next question- just listen to her answer and figure the following:
Does she appear/ sound comfortable answering this question: is she blushing or looking around or is she looking you in the eyes, her face relaxed? How is her tone of voice: shaky or strong, monotonous or lively, with ups and downs. Does she even answer the question or is she avoiding it? And then, if she answered, pay attention to the answer- maybe something in it is not clear to you, so ask a question in regard to her answer.
See, one question can occupy a whole coffee date. And this is the key- if you arrive to the date with a list of questions, it can feel like an interrogation and a waste of time, because all you get, at best, is a series of superficial answers to many questions. But if you ask one important question, pay attention, and then ask clarifying questions, that will feel like closeness, good communication, a getting to know her deeper.
The two approaches: asking a series of questions and getting superficial answers OR asking one question leading to a deeper understanding of her than you ever had- these two approaches are as different as night and day.
anita
December 26, 2016 at 12:21 pm #123621AnonymousInactiveThanks I’ll remember that! Text her how her Xmas went and if Santa was good to her. She text me 5 times talking about the great spirit also known as Santa or life force, etc. Great spirit keeps taking good care of her and her family. She also made me smile saying our gift was her favourite gift she had got and the fun continues tonight having dinner with gramma and the other side of family after. First Xmas with no arguments and it’s funny the person who made the gift said it was her favourite she’s ever made. Told her I’ll text her later, not responded to her responding yet. Will give me something to look forward to later.
December 26, 2016 at 12:35 pm #123623AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
Her favorite gift! I like that, very much, that it is her favorite gift, that is. The Great Spirit, living off the land, vegan… I am getting to know her more. Life Force, Great Spirit- if I was sitting in front of her in a coffee place, I would ask her about what it means to her.
First XMas with no arguments- I would definitely ask her about that, in the coffee place. I wonder… there is so much I wonder about, wanting to know. Maybe I will know after the first, second or third (I hope) coffee date you have with her.
anita
December 26, 2016 at 1:07 pm #123626AnonymousInactiveAlso just found out the woman I donated 5 grand to save her life is doing good now. 🙂 So let my friend know, she was curious.
December 26, 2016 at 4:33 pm #123633AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
That was very, very… very generous of you.
anita
December 26, 2016 at 7:44 pm #123643AnonymousInactiveStill happy that coffee mug was her favourite gift, even more then her family’s gifts! Thanks for the idea, maybe the next one can be about the great spirit? Or life giver, etc. Hope she’s having a blast with gramma. She can talk your head off lol.
December 26, 2016 at 7:57 pm #123644AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
My pleasure- I got rewarded by proxy for the mug gift. The great spirit, wait I am googling…it’s a universal spiritual force, or supreme being prevalent among some Native American…
Wikipedia: “The Great Spirit created man and woman and they “lived in happiness for a time, but as husbands and wives have done ever since, they soon began to quarrel”. The story explains that the wife leaves the husband and sets off walking toward “the setting sun”. The Great Spirit sees that the man is unhappy and creates berries along her path; she ignores the huckleberries, cherries and blackberries along the way. Then The Great Spirit creates strawberries and the woman stops to gather some and the man is able to catch up to her, she shares them with him and they return home together. The berries are then named Odamin, meaning heart berry.”
Next gift must include berries then, specifically strawberries, organic, of course. And they are absolutely vegan and gluten free as well.
Here are the first two of the seven earth prayers for the great spirit:
1. O Great Spirit, who art before all else and who dwells in every object, in every person and in every place, we cry unto Thee. We summon Thee from the far places into our present awareness.2. O Great Spirit of the North, who gives wings to the waters of the air and rolls the thick snowstorm before Thee, Who covers the Earth with a sparkling crystal carpet above whose deep tranquillity every sound is beautiful. Temper us with strength to withstand the biting blizzards, yet make us thankful for the beauty which follows and lies deep over the warm Earth in its wake.
hmmm… what do you think (bed time, back tomorrow morning)
anita
December 26, 2016 at 8:10 pm #123647AnonymousInactiveYeah will have to get something down, but her birthday is not until Sept. Something like bending down picking those strawberries and behind her is the things she is ignoring, represents moving forward from something she is ignoring (the berries) or something? On the top of the mug says the great spirit.
Gnight. 🙂
December 27, 2016 at 12:29 pm #123723AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
September is a long time for now, but good idea! I don’t know if she knows about the story, the berry story. This is something you can find out in future talks with her, what the Great Spirit means to her, then if it is the same spirit I googled, you can share with her the story. If she finds it fascinating, that will make your idea fitting and her next favorite-of-all gift!
anita
December 27, 2016 at 1:07 pm #123729AnonymousInactiveShe’s more into calling it the life force energy, just said the great spirit because she liked the sound of it, called it a native phrase she believes. Loves the chakras and the flow of energy, says she’s sensitive to it and one time she was going really hyper in her chair haha. The yoga she does is the Yogea tapping from Yogea Artflow Yoga (YouTube channel name). She tells me about the energy we can feel, example in your hands you can feel like an energy ball. I once felt something, but not the other times. She has told me a few times to try this out or one that I’ll like.
December 27, 2016 at 1:45 pm #123731AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
Wikepedia doesn’t have much on “life force” (It is a title of a horror movie and a computer game, I read)
On a website, I read: “What is Life Force? It is the flow of Infinite Silence into action. The Universe is structured so that everything arises out of the infinite pure Source, which holds all the potential for life. But Source itself is formless… Life Force flows out of the unbounded Source to create everything we know of as life…The heart generates the vibration of love. It receives Life Force and then generates, activates, and increases the flow of love as the flow of Life Force. Focusing on the heart helps you to increase Life Force in your heart center, to create more of this vital Life Force energy. The Heart is a generator of life energy, a generator of love..”
I hope that she will view, over time, through those deeper conversations I hope you will have with her, that she will view your heart as the infinite Life Force that it is!
anita
December 31, 2016 at 10:00 am #124072AnonymousGuestHappy New Year, blkhwkdwn1! How are you?
anitaDecember 31, 2016 at 11:18 am #124092AnonymousInactiveHappy new year to you too! Not that good, I text her what she’s doing for New Years this year and she said working until 10 then going to her moms for New Years with all her fam for the countdown, and I just said I ain’t doing anything. Was secretly wishing she asked me if I wanted to join her but I’m sure it’s a tradition in the family. Thought that it’s going to seem impossible to really hang around her as she seems to be such a big family person, seems it’s going to be impossible for people like me to be around her unless it’s the odd time at her job or hanging out. Think family is too important to her, been depressing about it.
She is moving to be around the family more, I feel like I’ve been wasting my time wanting to be around her more when she doesn’t wanna be around me more. Once she’s gone that’s it, back to being alone again. Won’t even have anyone to go for coffees with either.
December 31, 2016 at 11:40 am #124096AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
Thank you!
I remember recently reading in one of your post, that it is only recently that her family stopped arguing in get togethers. Maybe they will not argue this New Year as well. When we are lonely and feeling low we tend to imagine others have it so much better- not so. There are plenty of people, maybe even most people, who are looking forward each holiday season for it to end, so that they don’t have to get together with their family!
Really, it is within the family, way more than in wars, famine and natural disasters, that most damage to the individual occurs.
No, you haven’t been wasting your time! Your contacts with her have been meaningful, for you and for her, and have made this thread happen and keeps it happening.
Like I wrote before, when she does move, you may be in more contact than presently, because she will not be working, for one.
anita
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