Naw I just got her the cup and the cherry candy cane, as you said honey is expensive. Yeah she wants to garden, work 3 days a week, and keep in touch with her friends. That’s what she’s going for it looks like. I’ll have to get more in depth with her over time through coffees, her work, some texting, phone calls. What do I think of that lifestyle? I dunno…i’d not mind living in the middle of nowhere but with that i’d not see any girls anymore, but i’m 32 why should I care? i’m not a player, or a pickup artist. I wanna know people because they are people, not sex objects. When she goes i’ll have to see if she can get skype for her computer and we can keep in touch by a webcam or something, and have our own coffees. I don’t wanna imagine that day…I really don’t! Never asked her if she wanted to come up the mountain a few times a month with me, it’s something i’ll have to ask later on for sure! maybe invite her to the UFC at the end of the month? but it’s a Friday, she will most likely be working. 🙁 Glad I got her flustered, I was kinda flustered myself, and my hands were shaking, and I felt like I was sweating from nervousness. She also looked amazing! all the waitresses seem to be very good looking there.

And just like that I’m back to depressed. I know I can call her, she still wants to hang out, etc. I’m still depressed our texting is dead, and keep thinking of when she came with me to doctors aswell and how happy I was she came with me, we walked along the water and on the rocks at the beach. I felt like a million bucks, felt like I was wanted! Nobody else I wanted to be around. Now I can barely be happy, I just feel crappy all the time. Anytime I saw she text me I immediately felt good. A work buddy wants to see her at her job with me, all the guys were gaga over her. She wanted me to stay for dinner last night but I was busy doing stuff. Have not had dinner there once by myself, always bring people with me, quick visit or once had a few beers and stayed a few hours I posted way back pages ago.

Oh, I always bring people with me instead of going alone because as I said, she told me before she used to not have friends although she does now she says. Want her to feel like she has a lot of friends from her old job, the people who forced her to leave wont have the power to make her feel like nobody likes her or anything. Also my anxiety…like today? doing some last minute xmas shopping and had my hat down covering my eyes a little bit when I was walking home. One thing that worked with those pills I had for a short time though was I didn’t seem to care about this stuff much after a few days taking them, now i’m back to hiding under my hat again.

I’m just weird like this. Don’t think i’m ever going to change, not sure how much longer I really wanna keep facing this every day.

What am I going to do tonight? probably nothing. Just watch some youtube videos. Even if I had a chance with her, I doubt I would take it…i’m a MESS!!!

That’s some of it.

Well, she opened it and text me she loved our present.

Her: Omg you got me! I love it, thank you soooooo much!
Her: Sunday Monday off, working the rest of the week 🙁
Her: Merry xmas!
Me: Hey, glad you liked it 🙂 I was thinking of adding honey as a final piece because the bee and the flowers but honey is an animal product so just left the mug.
Me: Merry Christmas, hope you have a great time with the famfam
Her: 🙂
Me: I’m off Sunday and Tuesday. Have a happy new years too
Her: You too!! xo
Me: Sucks you’re working Friday, was going to see if you wanted to watch UFC and Jay and Matts.

Hopefully. I’ll visit her in a few weeks as a buddy from work wants to see her with me.

When I heard the loud DING from my phone I said out loud “I hope that’s from her” and it was, so I was smiling aswell.