I still feel pretty dead inside. She told me to bring this 1 guy tomorrow if I can, she misses him and was a favourite of hers. She also talked about coffee with a bunch of other people she keeps hoping happens. I didn’t think a friendship could end in a few months, but that coffee was the final nail in the coffin for me. She also wishes I move out but where am I going to go? I’m not trusting random people as roommates.

Oh and she was saying lately she sees this pot at work full of meat and it makes her not feel that good as she’s vegan since she heard about what happens to the animals we eat, found out it was lamb. Says this is defiantly not the job for her, a temp job and there are vegan restaurants she can try working at, but still plans to move to the boonies where her mom and dad own land next to each other and wants to work 3 days a week and live off the land and garden. Her youngest said she will join her but not right now, she’s heavily into her hip hop dancing right now.

I figure i’m still going to do that Santa and candy canes thing next week even if I wont enjoy it. Figure maybe in my misery i’ll brighten up some peoples day atleast and I get my Santa beard/wig in the mail tomorrow. I still got to be me wanting others to feel good.

1 more hour to go. Plan to get there early and give her a candy cane as a peace offering for that brutal coffee and conversation. Will tell her I was not feeling it and getting over a cold and my brain didn’t give me the words to respond with and that I’m wanting to be a better friend that listens to her so if we have another coffee it will be better. Also if she wants to go up the mountain once a week and I’ll do the yoga she does and I’ll try my best to not eat meat because she tells me I should not eat a lot of meat. Also about that pot of lamb and if she says she still thinking of going to a vegan restaurant to work I’ll support her decision. Going to be 8 of us at her place, in the past she said she didn’t have friends and I’m doing this so she can keep up with all her friends from her old job. If she didn’t care she’d not be going for coffee with them. I’ll let you know how it goes.

You’re welcome.

Got there 15 minutes early but she was on her break and 5 of us total showed up of the 8. Gave her the candy cane and said it’s a peace offering for how quiet I was and how bad the conversation was, she was SOOOOOOO confused and said she had a good time hanging out with me and that I need to stop doing this with that energy and just go with it but said thanks for the candy cane. It was SOOO busy the whole time I was there I could not talk to her, but she said next time to plan this on her day off so she can talk with everyone but after Christmas and I said probably Jan sometime, she also agreed to still go for a coffee with me and I said I promise i’ll talk. Just text her explaining my reasoning for the peace offering so she wont be really confused. Also she will message me soon. I hope I don’t weird her out…I mean I wanna be friends and chill with her often while she’s still here.