Dear Bradley:

You wrote: “So in the hurt I betrayed her said and done things I’ve shouldn’t.”- so that I understand your situation better, I ask: what did you say and do at that time?

anita

Dear Bradley:

My advice: make sure you see her when her son is not present. You may have scared him and it is not good for him to see you again, not for a long time.

Control the expressions of your anger so that you don’t try to hurt her (or anyone) but purposefully saying things designed to create pain, like saying she deserved the abuse she experienced. Once you say things like that, you can not un-say them. You hurt her, but you also hurt yourself if your aim is to have a friendship (or more) with her.

Respect her assertions: if she doesn’t want to speak with you at any one time- don’t pressure her. If she doesn’t want to see you again, respect that.

Don’t make assumptions about what she feels or intends. Ask, don’t assume.

anita

Dear Bradley

You seem and sound like a guy with a strong conscience which is why you are feeling this way… it is a good attribute by the way.

I will advice you to try and apologize to her, send a mail, a letter or an sms. Just apologize and give her some space to cool off. Dont pressurize her, just give her some space.

Dear Bradley,

There is not much point in a relationship, if both parties “compete” about how much the other has hurt him or her. A relationship is supposed to be about love, not negativity.

Dear Bradley:

You wrote: “over night she decided to confuse me, manipulate me and refused to listen to my point of view..” and in your last post, you wrote: “I think people have failed to see the point of how she has treated me.”

So I went back and carefully read all that you posted so far. This is my understanding of what possibly happened: from the beginning of your three months relationship she enjoyed your company, your attention, your involvement in her life. She was not interested in you as a boyfriend from early on, but she didn’t want to lose the benefits she enjoyed from your involvement in her life, so she didn’t tell you the truth. She told you that she was unsure whether the two of you were suited as boyfriend/girlfriend even though she felt quite sure that you were not suited.

When you shared with her that you did have feelings for her congruent with a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship, she ignored your sharing because she didn’t want to tell you her truth (for fear of losing the benefits she enjoyed).

And so, you are correct: she did manipulate you. She was dishonest with you. Unfortunately this is a common type manipulation women use: not wanting to lose the benefits of a man’s involvement in their lives, they hide the truth of their romantic disinterest in vague language (“unsure”) and such.

You mentioned having had a tough childhood and suffering from mild autism. You feel that you, maybe more than other people, need simple and clear communication from others, am I correct?

Let me know your thoughts and feelings about what I posted here and we can go on from there (I have ideas)

anita

Dear Bradley:

Prior to your last post I didn’t know the two of you had sex. I thought there was just that one kiss. So the way it was, I now understand, is that there was sex, then she told you she is unsure about continuing sex or being just friends. Following that there was no sex and eventually, that kiss. And after the kiss there hasn’t been more sex. Am I correct?

Before I go on: it is very important to me that the young child that she has is protected from perceived danger so that he is not injured, not hurt emotionally. Her child already got hurt witnessing that aggressive incident between his mother and you. Please, do not place yourself in the presence of that child (as she insists, and continues to insist, I hope), because that will scare him.

When she talks to you about a loving relationship with another man, that is cruel because you told her about your feelings for her. (You wrote earlier that she told you she broke it off with him because of you, this is not so?) This is wrong on her part, evident of lack of empathy for you, caring about your feelings.

I can’t go on unless I have the answer to: how can you possibly have a relationship with a woman who disregards your feelings this way, telling you about a loving relationship with another man knowing you care about her that way?

anita