Dear Jana:

Thank you for sharing the insightful passage. Of the six principles for a happy relationship from the video you mentioned, # 3 is something that never crossed my mind as “a principle for a happy relationship”: “Treat your partner with mental kindness (kind thoughts lead to kind words and actions)”-

– true: kind thoughts lead to kind expressions, verbal and non-verbal. I realized lately that negative thoughts get expressed on my face automatically, without my choosing- before I am aware of these expressions. And when I become aware of them, I can’t go back in time and reverse these expressions. I can pause before I speak, but there is no pause between the negative thoughts (and feelings that are attached to them) and their instant- however subtle- expressions on my face.

Angry, suspicious, accusatory non-verbal communication (facial expressions, other physical gestures and reactions, tone of voice) are generally harmful or unpleasant to the people on the receiving end. The only way to prevent these non-verbal, potentially harmful, automatic physical expressions is to purposefully choose kind thoughts to replace or balance the negative thoughts.

“It is not clear if “the life to come” means next life or just future in this life”- it could mean both (not one or the other): as the next life in a karmic sense or the future within this life.

Wishing you peace and happiness-

anita

Dear Jana:

I realized lately that negative thoughts get expressed on my face automatically, without my choosing, before I am aware of these expressions- following self-reflection. Earlier, my thinking was limited to me being responsible only to what I say and do. Recently, I became aware that I am responsible also for my facial expressions and tone of voice that’s expressed to others. Not that I should be overly cautious and too controlled, but that I should be aware of negative, harsh and judgmental thinking about other people that leads to angry non-verbal expressions on my part, and correct/ balance those thoughts. Doing the latter will automatically lead to a positive change in non-verbal communication.  

It’s interesting, now that you made me aware of it, Jana, how the relaxation of facial muscles can convey an unintended emotion, such as sadness or worry, even when that’s not what the person is feeling. It’s a good reminder not to jump to conclusions based solely on facial expressions. Instead of assuming someone’s mood, it’s always better to check in with them and ask how they’re feeling.

As to the negative impact of gossiping about partners: gossiping involves speaking negatively about the partner behind their back, which damage trust and respect. I agree, even if the partner doesn’t hear the gossip directly, he/ she can sense the negative energy, leading to emotional distance and strain in the relationship. It does undermine trust and respect, which are foundational to a loving relationship. It is harmful behavior.

Instead of gossiping, addressing concerns directly and respectfully with the partner leads to a supportive and understanding relationship. It’s important to create a safe space where both partners can express their feelings and work through issues together.

Thank you for highlighting this important aspect of relationship dynamics. It’s a valuable reminder to be mindful of our words and actions and to nurture our relationships with love and respect.

anita