I will try to fix the format by re-submitting:

Dear Nick:

You are very welcome.

And thank you (!!!) for your military service! Yesterday, the day you started your thread, was the Marine Corp Birthday (248), and today, as I reply to you, is Veteran Day 11-11-2023. First year it was celebrated was 1951 (I just checked).

Now, to what you shared yesterday more in great detail (I am adding the boldface feature to the quotes below):

“Well me and my girlfriend had a great dynamic in our 6 month relationship”- except for the dynamic where you were repeatedly more of a Suspect than a Boyfriend, according to her behavior; a dynamic where she asserted a (non-existing) moral superiority over you.. and you accepted it.

“She went through my phone. Saw I had not deleted some dating sites from like years ago. She compared me to her ex’s and said she never had issues with them deleting there dating stuff as soon as we were official. I apologized and I thought I took care of it. But“-

–  she was in charge, the one in control.. the moral police, so to speak. She says it’s morally wrong to have any dating sites record of years ago on your phone, once you are in a committed relationship and.. so it is; no one ever gave her any issues in regard to this rule.. and neither should you (is her message). You accepted her non-existing moral superiority and apologized.

But wait.. is it moral for her to go through your phone.. is this moral behavior?

“A few months after the first time she went through my stuff she found some other sites. Again I apologized“- the moral police in repeat operation, asserting yet again her alleged moral superiority over you and you, again, submitting by apologizing. The dynamic: she accuses, you apologize.

“The third time she found some stuff in my social on my Gmail.  I had no idea about that folder but she didn’t believe me. She also made a point to go through my browser history and there were some things she didn’t like there. So that is what ended our relationship”- she found some stuff because she looked for some stuff against the alleged Suspect.

But why were you in the position of Suspect.. and why is it that you did not have the password to her accounts, looking for any years-ago dating site activity on her part…?

“We were talking like on and off again for a few weeks.  She did the unfriend me on Facebook and snap chat and refriend me then unfriend me”- not what a friend would do…

“Our last conversation was a week prior to the last few things I sent. I had been doing a lot of thinking for weeks over the whole phone stuff. Had a bad day at work… I sent like three text on the same day. This was one of them. ‘Well, if we never talk or see each other again. You take care. I will remember the past 6 months for a while. Waking up in bed next to you. The smile on your face…. But most of all I will remember being betrayed by my best friend and lover over stuff I had subscribed to over the course of being in the military for 15 years. Being back in Wisconsin and not dating anyone for 8 years. I gave you my all, and apparently, that was not enough“- you gave her all your love but she wanted to punish you for sins you did not commit. There is nothing abusive about this part of your text quoted here.

“I also sent her a text thanking her for blocking me so I don’t have to see what loser she dates next“- not abusive either on your part: you really were the loser in the relationship with her and she is very likely to do the same to the next guy she dates.

“As well as the Jelly roll song ‘Somebody Save Me‘ and said that was for her… and added.  That song suits you” -I looked it up the lyrics to the song:

“I unloaded on her and I regret doing that.  With all my heart. Now I can’t even apologize I am blocked on all fronts.  And she probably will never speak to me again.  She also filed a formal hr complaint which I can’t blame her”- I didn’t yet read of any abusive words or behaviors on your part. I assume there are offensive things you said or did that you didn’t share about, and that’s okay.

I hurt people who did not at all deserve it and I regret it. The guilt for hurting people who did nothing to me has been very heavy in me. Living with Guilt (in capital G, it started as an invalid guilt which my mother established inside me as a child, repeatedly accusing me of things I was NOT guilty of) has been, for me,  (using the song’s lyrics) “living in Hell“. I didn’t feel that I, a bad, Guilty person, deserved to pursue “my hopes and my dreams“. Eventually I figured out that we all live in a world that is so troubled and has been troubled for so long, that we are all broken and damaged, and we all pass or have passed on the damage to the next generation and to other people around us, in one way, be it in a relatively mild way or in severe ways.. not all forgivable. I figured that my wrong doings are not in the category of unforgivable, not if I do all that I can in the present and for the rest of my life to do right by other people.

anita

Hi Nick

I read your thread and wanted to chime in because I feel your breakup has some relevance to mine. I got dumped about 3 months ago because I became suspicious of my ex and found some things on his social media I was not happy with. He acknowledged hurting me and took accountability for it, but also said I manifested this because I was always looking for evidence to prove what I allegedly already thought of him – that he was an untrustworthy guy. He had a point. In my previous relationships, I have been cheated on and lied to and have had a few very painful social media related issues with men. I told my ex before I ever saw anything negative from him that I had a really sensitive wound with that subject and asked him to please not ever do what my exes did to me. I’m still struggling with understanding if he even did anything wrong or not… but regardless, my jealousy and trust issues were there either way.

The behavior you experienced was toxic and I acknowledge it in myself too. I think your ex didn’t even give you a chance from the get go, though. She seems to have brick walls up around her and she’s gonna continue to not trust men until or unless something massively changes her fear. I have this horrible fear too and I feel for her because I don’t think anyone can help this in us. I still feel at fault for overreacting. Losing my ex absolutely wasn’t worth it for me in retrospect. I can’t speak for your ex but trust issues from our past are no joke and we bleed them out onto everyone. I’m sure a little part of her is frustrated with herself. I wish I had some advice but I hope that maybe seeing it from someone with a similar relationship trigger helps a little.

You are welcome, Nick. I feel for you. Breakups are the worst.

When I got upset at my ex for the social media stuff, he dumped me on the spot. There was no chance or hope for me to convince him we could work on things. It seems like you were trying to have patience with your ex and work on things even after she showed a severe lack of trust in you and disrespected you. I think you tried to be understanding here and did all you could do.

I think we all default to thinking we pushed the other person away when they dump us. I know I have this fear too. My ex saw my concerns but then ended it completely on the spot! Without any chance or talking through any possible ways we could work on it together. I don’t think you pushed your ex away, you were trying to talk through it, from what I read.

It’s a dysfunctional dynamic when someone goes into a relationship feeling entitled to and demanding access to your privacy from the start. Trust is earned. She didn’t even give you the chance to earn her trust. If she didn’t like what she saw, fine. If that were so, she could have respectfully bowed out and said, “No hard feelings, this just isn’t for me” especially since it was just a few weeks in.