I agree with Inky that she may need to practice being a little less “approachable”. And you definitely need to being this up to her calmly to discuss a resolution that you both can live with. A couple of cautions: (not to discourage you) 1. Women with very low self esteem are at a much higher risk of entertaining attention from other men and of actually cheating as a way to boost their self esteem. 2. Even though you state it several times it does not seem like you are “past” the initial cheating and I’m not sure you completely trust her.

I used to have trust and jealousy issues myself. My boyfriend once told me that I either trusted him or I didn’t (I kept telling him I trusted him but panicking about dumb things). He then said I needed to just trust him if I really trusted him. He pointed out that he’d never done anything to make me not trust him. He was where he said he would be, with who he said he’d be with, doing what he said he was going to be doing. So I just decided to trust him. I, once, had one issue with him doing one little thing that damaged my trust. Not a big thing but with my issues it hurt. We talked and he is an open book. So you may need up have those kind of discussions with her. And, if you can’t rust her because of something in HER character then you probably shouldn’t be with her.

James,

I respect your post and happy you posted this. I say this because I broadcast very rarely to help others and reach out, not because I’m insecure, need attention, need approval or have low-self esteem but I truly enjoy helping people on rare ocassions. I used to broadcast regularly and stopped years ago because of inappropriate behavior by some guests and un-healthy behavioral patterns. I found a healthy solution 2 years ago to end all of that. I didn’t keep a permanent profile anymore and like I said, I rarely broadcast anymore anyway. For others who do still, it’s a lot more safer nowadays and highly monitored which is good for both the public and the person broadcasting. It’s really good to know that it has recently become a healthy balance for the regular broadcasters that are genuinely good people. Even so, I still won’t be broadcasting regularly. Out of respect for myself and my future wife.

I will say that I am not a cheater and never have been. Especially when strangers on the internet think they have a chance, it doesn’t tempt me in the slightest to cheat. I truly appreciate that you posted this because it keeps me in check on continuing to be respectful & mindful not only to myself but also and whole heartedly to my future wife and her feelings. I would not want to jeopardize my relationship with her and when I put myself in her position, I could see myself being upset too and can most definitely relate.

Thank you again for this, as what you just wrote is completely understandable and normal. Respecting your partners feelings is the key to a happy and healthy relationship.

Namaste –

M.

“Sometimes it’s not overt flirting. Most of the time is will be small talk that just goes on and on so that the guy can keep her attention. It’s the fact that I am excluded by him, and also that he is so keen to keep the conversation going that upsets me.”

Ok, let me change my answer to you a little bit based on this reply. Yes, she should minimize interactions with other men that could be interpreted by them as flirting or interest. However, she’s still allowed to talk to and interact with the opposite sex and she has no control over how they include you. There are some conversations she has that will not include you. The fact that you point out that is not “overt flirting” leads me to believe you may be viewing “normal” interactions of an extroverted, friendly person through your own jealous, slightly insecure filter. That’s an issue you really need to examine and repair in your own. It’s going to cause constant problems in your relationship if you don’t nip it in the bud. There are many great articles on this website that can help or Google things like “how to be more secure in my relationship” or “loving without attachment”. I’m speaking from personal experience and my relationship has grown and benefited a million percent!

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by HippieChick.