Recently, a bisexual friend of my husband (acquiantance of mine) asked over text if we’d be interested in having a threesome with her.

My husband and I talked VERY briefly about it because he wanted to be open with me about the text he got, he cares about this friend, and he knew I’ve had an interest in experimenting with a woman, but he said it wouldn’t happen so I didn’t put much thought into it.

Then later we all sat down to talk about it with her in person to let her down gently and talk though everything.

I learned that my husband was worried that if he had sex with her that he would crave sex with her and he didn’t want to be out of control in that regard. He has an addictive personality so that made sense to me. I didn’t like that he found her sexually attractive, but I accepted it because guys are horny and I could deal with that. I also liked that he said he didn’t want to crave her because I thought he meant didn’t want to crave her OVER ME. But when he began to clarify, that wasn’t the issue. He said that not having sex with her had NOTHING to do with me. That if he was okay with it and was sure he wouldn’t become addicted he would want to help her out because he knew she was seeking not just sex but intimacy. He said that having sex with her wouldn’t take away from anything that he and I have because love is infinite. That he could love me and her equally without damaging our marriage. That if I felt threatened by her it was only because I was insecure in our relationship and I didn’t understand that having a relationship with her wouldn’t change his relationship with me.

I was blown away by his statement and now I’ve gone from being happy that he has friends of any gender to being completely jealous of any time he spends away from me (with anyone, doing anything) because it feels like he could at any moment decide to sleep with someone else.

I think I would be okay (not happy, but okay) if it was just a sex act, but knowing that he would be affectionate and loving towards someone else while still in a committed relationship with me is breaking me apart. I can’t understand how he doesn’t feel that he should be putting our relationship above all others.

I understand he should be able to have friends and get things from other people that he doesn’t get from me, but sex should never be something that is open for debate, in my opinion. Sex, in my opinion, is an intimate any that should be between two committed people, and those two committed people only. That if he loved me he wouldn’t ever consider loving (sleeping with) someone else in the same way unless we got a divorce.

He says I just don’t understand the infinite nature of love and that I need to deal with that.

Am I just being selfish? Is love infinite? In theory, could he make love to this woman and it not affect his love for me?

Or am I right and it’s unfair of him to expect me to understand his thinking?