fbpx
Menu

I've never had a relationship

HomeForumsRelationshipsI've never had a relationship

New Reply
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #66195
    Lucy Hammock
    Participant

    I do believe in self love. I do believe in confidence, I believe in passion, I believe you should do whatever you can that makes you happy. I do not believe that a relationship should fill any void within you, and I believe you have to know yourself and be ok with being alone before you can share your authentic self with another person. I also realise my situation is not that drastic. I am 23 and I have never had a relationship. There are far greater problems and I am still young. Its just I meet a lot of guys, I am a little introverted but I like to go out and meet people.

    The thing is I have met some really great guys and I don’t really know where it goes wrong… when I realise I do have feelings for someone its just a bit overwhelming and I wind up not being able to be myself because I’m too caught up with fear of rejection and vulnerability, and also nervous hope that maybe we could have a real connection. I know these feelings are natural, and what makes love so special. Its just I think a big part of the problem lies with me, that these fears govern my personality and behaviour when I am around someone I like and I can’t relax and be myself, and I think it shines through when you are trying to compensate by talking too much or barely speaking at all. So it never lasts and it makes it difficult not to feel inadequate at times. I also always feel the need to cut all strings if anything goes wrong which can be frustrating…and it makes me wonder if perhaps I am good at instigating drama and turmoil rather than a healthy trusting relationship. I try my best not to compare myself with others but sometimes I wonder why other people can have relationships and I can’t..of course I am happy for them, and other people being happy does not take from my happiness. But I try to live life in the most fulfilled way I can. Its hard sometimes to see the difference between me and those in happy healthy relationships.

    but there is another factor to admit to… I really want to be physically desired which is horrible to admit but I can’t dissociate myself from it..its a ridiculously shallow vicious circle. I wear make-up so I feel as though I’m cheating if someone does think I’m pretty (I don’t have good skin) but at the same time I came home from a club last night and cried and cried because I didn’t get attention from strangers I may never see again. Even with my guy friends who I don’t want to be with romantically, I still want them to desire me, which is not only narcissistic on my account, but its actually distanced some really amazing guys who were great friends that tried to make something happen which I wasn’t interested in.. I just like the attention and the idea of someone flirting with me. This isn’t truly who I am or what makes me happy…maybe I need to connect more with my authentic self and discover a little more.. any insights would be appreciated (even if its to tell me to wake up and get over myself because I’m only 23:)

    #66197
    Chris
    Participant

    Hey Lucy,

    It’s fantastic that you believe in self love, confidence and passion. It’s mature to understand that a relationship should not fill a void. 🙂 Consider this. To love yourself means that you can love ALL of yourself. Love and accept that you may feel insecure at times, that you may “act strange” at times. Consider that its absolutely fine to want to be physically desired. Love that part of yourself as well. Accept this part of yourself. You may not currently have a guy that makes you feel desired, but its just fine to have part of you want that. This does not necessarily mean you are narcissistic. But there is simply a part of you that feels that way from time to time. Consider loving and accepting this part of you just the way you are. When I look at my gal, I see the most beautiful woman alive. She is perfect and I desire nothing else. Yes she gets acne too:) But I see absolute beauty. I see beauty because I love her and I accept her even with her “flaws”. Until you find the right guy, consider loving yourself in this way. Consider that you are one of a kind, that you are a masterpiece and that you are perfect just as you are. Love your beauty, your brains, your “flaws”. Love it all. If you love yourself this way, others will follow. 🙂

    Peace to you.

    #66241
    Lucy Hammock
    Participant

    I appreciate this response so so much…thank you Chris 🙂 your perspective has shed a new light on my thoughts, I especially respect ‘If you love yourself this way, others will follow.’ these are words we should all live by. I wish you every happiness with your partner 🙂 thank you!

    peace and love

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.