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This topic has 179 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 6 months ago by Sammi.

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December 7, 2016 at 9:32 am #122160

Driftwood
Participant

Hi Sammi-

Your feelings are very normal. Especially since you are being verbally attacked – no you’re not too sensitive. And if you were ‘too sensitive’, what of it? Doesn’t that mean that the offending person should lay off? That would be the cue a normal person would take to stop. But as we know, you’re not dealing with a normal person. Something in me still says to me that you need to look your mother in the eyes, and say, ‘Mom, this is abuse’. Very, very simply. Explain it to her yet again, and that it is NOT normal. And hold your ground. Don’t let it go off into tangential family psycho-babble nonsense. It is often very difficult for people who have been abused to recognize this. Maybe that’s just out of the realm of possibility..but maybe??

Keep in mind that you are not the same person you were when you were in 7th grade. You are evolving and have new coping mechanisms either in place or under construction. There is intention in the things you say, and a determination that couldn’t yet have been there back then. In a way I think going to your natural hair color could be seen as an interesting exercise in returning to Sammi, ‘unplugged’, or ‘un-colored’.. See how it makes you feel. Dying your hair is a valid form of expression but does going ‘natural’ make you feel vulnerable/exposed?

I’m glad you feel this is a safe place for you. As I mentioned, when I read your first post, I heard a highly intelligent, talented voice shining through everything you wrote – and very simply I saw a good person in a bad situation. Your insight and awareness of what is going on at home is exceptional. This awareness, and the fact that you have reached out in such an advanced way while still at a young age means to me that you will really be able to turn things around for yourself. I know two people who were sexually abused. Older now, they are both okay, but one really turned it around for herself, and one kind of did but didn’t really. And if you ever want to go into that I’d be glad to share both scenarios with you for whatever they’re worth.

Also, there’s no way I feel like I’m ‘putting up’ with a ‘pity party’. I had been reading Tiny Buddha while going through my own personal crisis. When you reached out I felt positioned to be able to help because a) I’m 54 and have been through and continue to go through a lot b) I’m the parent of a 16 year old, get along really well with her friends, and hear a lot of what’s going on, i.e. cutting, eating disorders, assholish parents, etc.. So I felt in touch with what you’re going through and felt I could bring something by lending you my ear and opinions. And it brings something to me as well to know this is helping.

On another note, while going through my own crisis, Anita, unbeknownst to herself was a great help to me even though we never addressed each other directly. I’m always amazed at how succinctly she puts things that I would have taken three pages to express, and also her exceptional perspective and insights. So, Anita, if you’re reading this, here’s to you!

Also – Tangent warning- I had originally put my own name on when I set up and account but there was an IT glitch that we had to figure out since it was using my complete email as my name. It was both dorky and mildly invasive to me. There’s a line in a movie called The Year of Living Dangerously that goes “I help those that are put in my path”. That has become my personal philosophy, and I felt the name Driftwood had a both a zen like path-crossing randomness and also a lost and found quality. But as you know my real name is Mitchell. Either or, all good.

Oh yes and one more thing since I’m on a ‘zennish’ note – One of my daughter’s friends who is trans had a major panic attack in school the other day so today a small group of friends is going to a zen buddhist center this afternoon to try meditation. Thought you’d find that interesting.
-Mitchell aka Driftwood

December 7, 2016 at 10:04 am #122167

Anonymous
Guest

* Thank you, Mitchell aka Driftwood!
anita

December 8, 2016 at 2:44 am #122244

Sammi
Participant

@Anita: Your confusion is completely understandable. I get confused with my own feelings a lot, even.

But I think a lot of what I say/feel relates with what’s currently going on in the household. I’ll use a few of the quotes you mentioned to add a timeline to everything.

“I would tremble with dread when he got home. I knew what was coming.” Here, I’m referring to a little over 2 years ago, when the abuse was daily, and directly to my face. He would go on for hours (roughly 4pm to 8pm), picking on me, in front of my mother. I wasn’t expected to do anything besides sit there, and take it. Laugh along, even. So, I was decently afraid, during those times. Not to mention that this was before I had told anyone anything about what I was going through, and before I had a counselor, or any way to really cope. Not that I’m saying how I “cope” now is beneficial in any way, but back then I did nothing but play some catchy music, and curl up in a ball.

“at times I’ve stacked up a few full boxes in front of (the door), just in case (he enters)” This statement was also referring to a while ago, when I didn’t know him as well. I’ve already witnessed physical abuse, and there was no telling if it was going to happen again.

“I spend about 23 hours a day in my room…” and “I had to hide until there was a clear way to my bedroom.” These are from my first post. The commotion in the house had just hit another peak, and that’s why I came here for advice.

“I would rather ease a rusty knife into my throat than leave my room while it’s just him and I alone.” This statement was also pretty fresh after household drama.

And for a little more context to the most recent quote, “I’m not too horribly afraid to go out of my room when he’s there.”, he hasn’t been as much of threat to me, unlike previously. I should also add that I don’t think I’d happy leave my room if I suddenly wanted a sandwich while he was there, but say if there’s like, a fire, or something. Or the seldom times I need to ask/tell something urgent to my mother, it’s a little easier to go out there now, on my own. Instead of either spamming her phone, or waiting until she comes to check on me.

And for the nightly tremors I’ve previously mentioned, I don’t know. They only ever tend to happen when I’ve had caffeine. Sometimes, just when I have friends over. Again, I’m not too horribly sure why those happen, though they haven’t happened in a few weeks. They’re usually accompanied by awful stomach aches, and sometimes, lacking of the ability to breathe correctly. Mini panic attacks? I really have no idea. Occasionally, I ask my mom to schedule a doctors appointment on the topic, but it doesn’t happen often enough for either of us to remember to actually get it done.

Hopefully that clears everything up, a little. Sorry for the confusion. My feelings and opinions tend to change drastically over short periods of time. I’ve even considered the possibility of something like bipolar disorder, but I don’t think it’s likely. It’s a shame that doctors and therapists don’t look into diagnoses a bit more. It’s a lot of “okay, what do you think that you have?” and “alright, we’ll give you a small questionnaire on the disorder (something with the same questions that you can find in an online quiz made by a 10 year old), and that will completely settle if you do/don’t have it.”

@Driftwood: Good points, as always.

I can’t see her doing anything but stating that I’m overreacting. She would go on about how he’s just joking, and how I shouldn’t take it so seriously. It’s extremely frustrating. I really don’t even want to try bothering, because it’s not worth the tense atmosphere, or the overheard arguments. Every option leads to nowhere. It’s like the gears aren’t functioning properly. Well, actually, it’s like living the same situations over and over, for years on end.

As for my hair – I don’t know. I can feel both confident and insecure with colored hair. I remember leaving the salon with rainbow hair a year ago, thinking “Oh god, what have I done? Now I have to get a brown wig, to blend in.”. But after a few months, and a large pile of compliments, I quite enjoyed it. I remember I let my roots grow out 3+ inches, because I didn’t want to cover the 8 month old rainbow dye job. But I did, and people liked the blue-to-green I did afterwards, too. I remember being insecure about everyone unfollowing my Instagram account after I got rid of my rainbow hair. (Pathetic, I know.)

But with natural hair, it’s different. There’s a relief with not sticking out anymore, but it also feels like I’m missing something. I suddenly blend in to crowds again, and compliments run scarce. There’s no fun colors to look forward to dyeing my hair. No scowls from the elderly. All of my makeup looks suddenly become less expressive, again. But there’s more relief in the fact that these periods of time are only to make sure I don’t go bald by the time I’m 20, and they only last long enough for my natural hair to grow out entirely, to bleach and dye again. And luckily, my hair grows pretty fast, so it only takes about a year or two for all of the dye to grow out. (For a little clarification, I mean that I dye my hair back to a dark, natural color, and then wait for my roots to grow out, so they become a little less noticeable.) God, now I’m rambling on about hair dye. I’m sorry I forced you to read these two paragraphs.

It’s funny that you mentioned meditation, because it’s one of the things I’ve always been interested in getting into, along with yoga, and any other super beneficial thing that not enough people consider taking the time to do. Might be things that I pursue later on, when I don’t live in the noisiest household of all time. (And the noisiest upstairs neighbors, who only tend to make noise when this household doesn’t. For example, their baby likes to cry at 2am, when everyone here is fast asleep. Truly joyous.)

—

The sad thing is that while I wait on the day I turn 18, that won’t be the end of it. I’ll still have to finish school, and somehow get enough money to haul everything across country. The smart thing to do, currently, would be to get a part time job so I can save up, but I really just don’t see that happening (and I mentioned that before, a bit).

Also, I overheard something interesting today. His daughter seems to be going through a pregnancy scare. Can’t help but wonder what’s going through his head, with this new information. I, of course, was brought up in their conversation (since I’m always compared to her), but that’s when I decided to close my door, which my mother left open previously. It only made it slightly less easy to hear, but easy enough to block it out, by distracting myself with online Christmas shopping. I pre-ordered an album, as a Christmas present to myself, and now I have to actually bother with buying my friends stuff. Life is hard.

Also, speaking of hair (not that I really should talk about it anymore), I’m thinking about doing an art piece with all of the previous dye jobs and hairstyles I’ve had. But I also have a friend nagging me for a request, and I have something big I’m working on now, and a few other ideas, so it’ll probably be a while.

December 8, 2016 at 7:38 am #122266
Driftwood
Participant
Hi Sammi-

Very cool about all the hair aesthetics and antics – like waking art. Going natural instead of going bald is a good idea, though.

Skipping back to our last posts, what I had wanted to add about the painting was that I liked the composition and saw the middle as an energy field between the two figures. Also the eye is constantly searching, going back and forth between the two figures through and around the energy field. It never really rests, on a visual search for meaning. This is an accomplishment compositionally, since keeping the eye engaged is what it’s all about.

In some spiritual books I have heard the transformation of a person’s energy fields just after death described as looking something like a ball of steel wool.

Okay, so this kind of relates to something I wrote on nov. 16th when I asked if you felt like you absorbed people’s energy in a shopping mall. I’ve always been extremely sensitive and as a kid I remember getting bad stomach aches in malls and feeling the energy of the crowds kind of infiltrating me after a while. This still happens sometimes in a minor way. I then read years later that this was a natural thing for a certain kind of sensitive person, and that this was why kids got stomach aches and cranky in malls. That being naturally empathetic you tend to take in the energy of others.. You kind of absorb all this static and it has nowhere to go.

Relating this to meditation, but more specifically to some yoga breathing exercises, there is a practice called circulating energy, a way to simply circulate your energy during breathing exercises that releases that static energy you might have ‘absorbed’ at the mall or wherever. I have used this technique for that and also for really hard emotional times, of which I’ve had many. Often during relationship problems or times where I’ve experienced abuse. It’s simply a release, a place for the bad energy to go before it starts to get more internalized.

Very simply (and badly described here) as you breathe in you visualize light/energy coming in through the top of your head (crown chakra) and as you exhale you feel it going out through the base of your belly. Not as touchy-feely as it sounds, it actually works. I have done this in crowds and high pressure situations. It takes a little while to get in touch with the concept of ‘energy’ but it does work.

This is usually a part of meditation that I do sometimes, but not enough. None of the above is nearly as complicated as it sounds, and nothing in it is ever done to perfection anyway.. It’s just a process. You can google circulating energy and start the eternal search of separating the nonsense from the meaningful stuff. A basic yoga book would also have it.

Now back to the ‘ape’ energy you have to deal with at home, with a small story first. Some years ago I decided to learn to dance the argentine tango. I had never danced before, but it literally called to me, and I got very into it. My first teacher, Rosa was small and cute but actually very strict and a powerhouse of a dancer. As she taught me the first steps she got pissed (Rosa often got pissed and expressed herself with great passion) and said to me ‘You’re walking on eggshells!!!’ I was like ‘What?” ‘You’re walking on eggshells like you don’t even have the right to be there.’

The old argentine tango that I was learning isn’t like that creepy puppet on a stick stuff you see on dance shows, but is really about ‘walking’ a certain way. It was what the working classes in Argentina did on Saturday nights.

It was true that I was being very tentative the way I put my foot down. I thought I was just doing it out of respect for the dance, but on further observation, I realized that I was really doing it in life as well. Like I didn’t have the right to be there, to take up space in the universe. Rosa observed something I was doing in the dance that was related to the way I was in life.

As you can see I’m relating this to your sense of wanting to sink into the floor or disappear in the presence of the ape energy you’ve been forced to live with. So I think it would be an interesting exercise to compare how you feel as you walk through the house when he’s not there, to how you walk through when he’s there. Compare the two feelings… knowing that you have the right to be there, more right than he does, in fact. See what it feels like to take a few steps into the room with that knowledge/confidence that you have when you’re out and about with friends. Do you have any less right to feel that way inside yourself with him there? Does he have any right to take that away from you? To be continued..

Have a creative day!

-Mitchell
- This reply was modified 8 years ago by Driftwood.
December 8, 2016 at 9:28 am #122287

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sammi:

I must end my communication on your thread, Sammi, because I can no longer suspend my disbelief that I have been communicating with a 15 year old girl just turned 16. Or that I am communicating with a person of any age living in the circumstances you described for so long.

I am not a professional of any kind, so this is not a professional evaluation on my part.

It is not that I don’t believe a 16 year old teenager can be as intelligent as you are, or use the vocabulary that you do, be as creative as you are. And it is not that I don’t believe it is possible for a teenager to use the term “significant other” for a boyfriend… I wonder about it though)-

What I don’t seem to be able to overcome any longer (in effort to suspend my disbelief) is the CLARITY of thinking, the consistency of thinking (holding on to the same positions without wavering), the lack of characteristic cognitive self doubts so characteristic of victims of abuse, the incredible patience in attending to my last posts… the fact that you see your mother and her boyfriend clearly, without distortions that I could detect.

My goodness, this is way, way out of my experience.

If you are a 16 year old girl, living in the circumstances you are living in, my hat is off to you as the most exceptional person I have ever come across- and nothing I can comprehend.

Best wishes to you-

anita

December 8, 2016 at 4:57 pm #122300

Sammi
Participant

@Driftwood: Thanks.

I’m not 200% sure as to what I wanted the scribble ball to represent, but I like your view on it. I’ve always been very fascinated by spirituality, but it’s nothing I’ve looked very deep into. Not much deeper than a few documentaries on “indigo children”, since I’ve had people consider me to be one of them, before. While it’s a realistic comment, I don’t think it’s as severe as some of them. I can’t remember past lives, or anything spooky like that. But I can be in a room, and see people for what they are. Make out their intentions, only based on their actions. I also tend to pick up a lot of “intrusive thoughts”, thoughts that don’t feel like my own, and I wonder if this is somehow related. I don’t know. I’ll do some research into the breathing exercises you mentioned.

Your story about the tango is rather beneficial. I might’ve mentioned this before, but advice I’ve been given by my friend was “pretend you have a place”. It’s really helped a lot, for the times I absolutely have to leave my room when he’s around (usually it’s just to leave the house with mother, to walk the dogs). It’s also something I think back on when I’m leaving the house with friends, since it helps me panic a little less. While I know I have more of a right to be here than he does, it obviously doesn’t feel like it. So taking a deep breath, and striding past the living room (where he usually is), to the front door, takes a lot of effort. But “pretending” is something I’m decently good at, like cosplay, so it makes getting to the front door easier. Even if it’s something I shouldn’t have to pretend, because again, I do know that I have a right to be here. Hopefully that make some sort of sense. I don’t know why I’m over-explaining myself so much.

@Anita: I understand.

I’m not sure how I’ve managed so long, either, while still keeping a level head. I remember getting diagnosed for depression and anxiety, and thinking “I’m losing it! I’m no longer a reasonable person!”, which obviously wasn’t the case. I do have self-doubts, but taking a second to really analyze the situation makes them less realistic. I have habits, developed while being in this situation, and they’re hard to get rid of. Like apologizing for things I can’t really help, because I feel like I’ll be blamed, otherwise.

But again, I understand. Not many believe me, for a lot of the first reasons you listed. But I can only appreciate you for sticking around for so long, and giving me such wholesome insight/advice. A lot of what you said will stick with me, and will genuinely help me with recovery. I’ve also saved some of your quotes in my diary, to look back on. Again, thank you. Please continue your amazing work on the forums.

—

Before I started typing this lengthy post, I’ve decided to film a stupidly short clip, just to show who’s behind the computer. (Spoiler alert, it is a painfully awkward 16 year old girl, with colored hair.) I just don’t wanna scare anyone off in disbelief, without providing some sort proof, for others.

https://sendvid.com/rc6wsn6f

*I should mention, my mother’s yelling at the dogs barking in the background, and there’s not actually any conflict going on. Though, this should give you a good idea as to how small our apartment actually is, and how easy it is to hear every word spoken.

Bonus: My mother left my door open, and he’s in their bedroom handling his calls from work (on speaker). This is about how far we are from each other, daily. I’m not completely sure what the topic’s about, since I haven’t been paying attention, so I can’t provide much of any context. This has been the past 3 years. (Let me know if either of these links don’t work, and I’ll find some other way to share them.)

https://sendvid.com/7dxkq7my

I’ll continue posting to this thread, as I continue getting replies. No one has to believe anything I say, and that’s fine. This is fine, and I will be fine, even if I don’t necessarily identify as such, currently.

December 9, 2016 at 4:55 pm #122356

Driftwood
Participant

Hi Sammi-

Good to see your face.

I wasn’t quite understanding the end of your post so I just backtracked through and I see Anita’s post above. I have to say, since I find Anita one of the wisest, insightful and succinct people I’ve come across that I’m kind of surprised, though I respect her decision for her own reasons. She seemed very in touch with what was happening for you and from what you’ve written Anita’s posts have been important to you.

As I mentioned before, one of the reasons I wrote you is that you sounded a lot like the teens I know who do have a lot of insight, are intelligent, etc.. and are 15-16 and this has nothing to do with the problems surrounding you.

It is true that you are very unwavering in the intelligence of your opinions, clarity of thinking, insights, etc.. but all this is separate from your situation and emotional things going on.

I wonder if there’s something I’m not understanding either about you, your situation or Anita’s perception?

-Mitchell

December 10, 2016 at 2:53 am #122390

Sammi
Participant

@Driftwood: I honestly have no idea.

I think that where she’s coming from is her disbelief in how I manage to be so unjaded in the current situation I’m in, and with how long it’s been. I’ve read her reply a few times, and I’m still a little lost, but all I can do is give quiet acknowledgement and respect her choice.

Again, I just don’t ever want anyone to think that I’m not trustable. I am who I say, and I’ve endured everything as long as I have.

Also, I’m at my friend’s house again, this weekend. Replies might not be too speedy/lengthy. Trying to get photos of the new hair, before it fades. Being away from home only makes me want to paint, but I’m never in the mood to paint, when I’m at home.

December 10, 2016 at 3:31 am #122391

Sammi
Participant

It won’t let me edit my last post, but I also should mention that I’ve never thought too much of my clarity, patience and intelligence and such, so I appreciate you both for opening my eyes a bit. It’s really nice to have something else to add to the list of “things that don’t make me a complete waste of space”. Slightly self-deprecating joke, I know.

Now that I’ve added that, maybe I can stop tossing and turning. It’s been thirty minutes..

December 10, 2016 at 7:19 am #122395

Driftwood
Participant

Hi Sammi-

Just a quick note since I also have a full weekend.

I’ve re-read the post a few times also and I can only think that she has her own valid reasons. Some or many of them may not be related to you or your situation at all. Makes me a little sad, but so be it.

The ‘voice’ that shines through all your write is strictly your own, and yes, that of a 15-16 year old (unless you are the world’s greatest transformative, chameleon-like imitative performance artist and are actually a 65 year old taxi driver wearing a latex teenage girl suit in which case – bravo!)

Seriously though, like I said one of the reasons I wrote in the very beginning is that you were a young person on a grown-uppy site and I happen to be tuned in to your age group. You’re a kid who has had to deal with too many grown up issues before your time.

Your communications skills are exceptional for any age (more on that later) as are your insights. That is not where the fallout has been from the abuse. From what you’ve described the fallout has been in your inner feelings of self worth or whether you ‘belong’ here (eggshells). And those are some of the things we’ve been talking about (and will continue to talk about if you want).

Completely understandable why you would feel like painting when you’re away from home since you are out of your ‘rut’ or toxic environment. I always get creative when I’m traveling and far away from all my worries.

Have fun with your hair pix.

-Mitchell

December 11, 2016 at 8:15 am #122436

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Reader/ Member:

Post # 1:

Everything I shared about myself on tiny buddha is factually correct, including my first name and location (Washington State, USA). The Original Poster (OP) on this thread presented herself or himself (I will refer to the OP as female for simplicity) as a 15/ 16 year old girl, together with a photo and a couple of short video clips of the same girl in the photo. The girl exists, in real life, but she is not the one posting here. We, who read the posts here, never heard the thoughts and words of that girl. We don’t know her.

The person posting here has access to that girl, maybe living with her, maybe as a parent, foster parent. The person posting here is likely in her forties, maybe older. She may have aspirations to write a novel and is developing her main character on this thread. Her main character, “Sammi” is made of fiction and non-fiction elements. As in most Fiction, the writer takes from her own experience as well as from other people in her life. So elements from that teenage girl in the photo are present in this Fiction, as well as elements from the writer’s.

anita

December 11, 2016 at 8:38 am #122437

Anonymous
Guest

Post # 2:

“Sammi” is a made up character, a 16 year old girl born in the Northwest USA where she grew up and currently lives. This has been revealed by the writer on the Dec 3 post:

“Also, mother was helping me bleach my hair again today. He was on the phone in their room, next to the bathroom. She left for a second, to take the dogs out back, and he suddenly to decides to randomly, and loudly, bring the statement

‘y’know, kids born in the northwest are soft.’ into his conversation.

Something about that made my blood boil. Not only is it a brain-rotting kind of stupid generalization…But you’re telling me that I put up with your shenanigans for 3 or so years to be called ‘soft’?”

Elsewhere the writer wrote: “we’ve flown back down to California to see her, and she actually came up here last year.”

This means that the character “Sammi” was born and raised in the Northwest USA, which is north of California.

I live in the Northwest, Washington State. I know young people from Oregon and Washington. They talk very, very differently from the character.

Sammi’s very first sentence on this thread , Oct 17, is: “Hi! I found this site whilst googling some stuff for schoolwork” – notice the word “WHILST” (used again in the thread). “Whilst is used by Brits, Australians. In my thirty years residence in the USA, I have never heard or read this word being used by a single American born and raised person.

There are other expressions by the character, the USA born teenager, that are not congruent, not only with her age, but with her location. Examples: “… Oh dear, I ramble a bit”, “a little handy dandy notebook”, “god awful” and using “USD” after a dollar value.

anita

December 11, 2016 at 9:19 am #122440

Anonymous
Guest

Post #3:

The character’s consistently clear, unchanging perception of her mother and the mother’s boyfriend as abusive (the boyfriend) and allowing abuse (the mother)are unbelievable, for a child, including a 15 turning 16 who never left home. Such perception is too threatening for a child. Even adults caught in a abusive situation as adults, such as being held hostage, do not consistently view their abusers as such. Often they make-believe the abusers are good, loving people (Stockholm syndrome).

To clearly and consistently view her abuse as nothing of her doing, a child is too threatened by her complete lack of power in the situation. What normally happens, is the child views herself as the cause for her abuse, and she views the abusers as loving people underneath, if only she (the child) will change herself and be a good girl.

In reality, a teenager will move from sometimes-clear perception and most often distorted perception. On this thread, in this Fiction, the character never wavers regarding her mother and mother’s boyfriend. She is always clear.

The writer wrote about her mother: “The simple solution is right in front of her face, but she’ll never care to see it. It’s such an unfortunate situation. 2 more years… She’s a nice lady, just a nice lady from a distance, when you don’t have to endure the shenanigans that she puts herself through. It’s really depressing that this is show she chooses to spend her adulthood. I can only learn from her mistakes…I don’t necessarily loathe her for any of her actions, but you can see how it is a bit frustrating on my part…. Mental health has never been something that’s ever crossed her mind, which is a little annoying…’Abuse’ is a word that she doesn’t quite comprehend, not well enough to consider emotional abuse being real. I can only infer that she dealt with similar, growing up, and so she’s normalized it.” – too clear, too objective… and unbelievable.

Her writings about the mother’s boyfriend are very consistent: “He’s nearly every single trait of an emotionally abusive person…I would be able to respect his opinions if his communication skills weren’t so god awful. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought he spent the first 10 years of his life being raised by wolves.. not to mention how so very unintelligent he is…He’s such a simple-minded creature. Personally, I even consider him proof of evolution.”

* Being as scared of him as the character reports, it is suspect that such a hugely threatening person can be viewed in such inferior terms.

anita

December 11, 2016 at 9:30 am #122441

Anonymous
Guest

Post #4:

An unbelievable contradiction:

She reported the following regarding her responses to the mother’s boyfriend: “: I’ve been crying constantly for nearly 4 years… I spend about 23 hours a day in my room… I spend most of my time in my room, out of fear.. . I always try to make as little noise as possible…I don’t leave my room if just him and I are home; no matter how bad I have to use the bathroom, or how hungry… Oh god. I’m trembling, just by typing this…I would rather ease a rusty knife into my throat than leave my room while it’s just him and I alone; or starve to death…” – notice, all these expressions written in the present tense.

On Dec 5, she wrote: “I don’t really consider myself “afraid”, as much as I consider myself miserable. I’m not too horribly afraid to go out of my room when he’s there…”

anita

December 11, 2016 at 10:34 am #122445

Anonymous
Guest

Post #5:

The following expressions are incongruent with the otherwise depiction of a scared just turned 16 year old living at home, in her bubble of fear. Some of the following is congruent with having been an adult, out and about, for quite some time:

“I even went through the trouble of finding domestic violence grants and cheap 2 bedroom apartments for us… Emancipation is a thought I’ve gone over many times before…Any housing around here is well over $1000 USD…Any job I could get right now wouldn’t be nearly enough to cover what rent and bills would add up to. Traveling out of state would only be more money down the drain…rent is pricy. Though I’ve provided many cheap options to her, and potential financial aid specifically aimed at mothers and children fleeting domestic violence, she said no…There’s an incredibly annoying financial problem going on here, rent keeps going up in the general area, but income isn’t budging.”

“I really enjoy drawing and painting… but I’m not very sure if any of them could become an income, as much as everyone I know insists…I really want something stable to hold me over, while I try to get something up and running…I would love to become a mother. But y’know, down the line..when I can acquire proper housing and some sort of decent income….the ‘wrong kind of people’ make up the majority of the population, to me. Life goes on, I suppose. I’ll learn how to tolerate people a little better, for the sake of a paycheck.”

anita
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