Home→Forums→Relationships→Is this an unrequited crush?
- This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by
xWhy.
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December 2, 2014 at 6:53 pm #68674
Casey
ParticipantThank you for those who are willing to read this post ^>^
December 2, 2014 at 10:42 pm #68677Anonymous
InactiveYep, you like him a lot and you want him to notice you but he sees you as just another person he knows. Dont sweat it, its just a crush – enjoy it while it lasts.
December 3, 2014 at 5:00 am #68686Inky
ParticipantHere’s how I look at things:
1. EITHER he’s not actively interested in you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. In which case, forget him.
2. OR, he is indeed interested. But if he can’t show you obvious interest, what is to keep other guys from sweeping you off your feet? He has a lot of work to do. Forget him until he asks you out.
My advice? If he calls, call back. If he texts, text back. But only if you want to. If he doesn’t make the first move, don’t do it for him.
A man pursues, a woman discerns.
December 3, 2014 at 12:17 pm #68693Fritz
ParticipantCrushes can be funny things, this has actually reminded me of past experiences I have had with crushes myself. Here are some of my thoughts…
What i think tends to happen in crush mode, is that we start to envision our lives with people, and create big expectations in our heads. Sometimes without really getting to know the other person (I get it, it’s part of what makes having a crush fun!) But I think this goes even further, when one person shows more interest than the other because we tend to go even further out of our way to prove ourselves. And you’re right, sometimes when a person doesn’t show interest, we tend to go even more out of our way to prove ourselves-even if we are unsure about them. I totally get it. It’s because we all want to feel that acceptance that we are good enough, regardless of how strong or confident we are.
If you are still stuck on how to approach the situation, because of mixed messages, and unsure feelings…then I would encourage shifting the focus. By focusing less on how he feels about you/what he thinks about you, and give more focus to how he makes you feel about yourself…Instead of asking, what does this person think of me, am I not good enough, why isn’t he talking to me/opening up to me etc. Start asking, How does this person make me feel, about myself? Do i feel that i need to prove myself, or change something about myself, in order to make him talk to me? Or does he make me feel like I can be open, and just be myself. If there is more focus on what he thinks of you, instead of how he makes you feel about yourself, then it’s just not going to work out. If someone has you circling in self-doubt (which may be completely unintentional…. going back to @Inky ‘s first two points) then it is important to take a step back, and really look at how this person makes you feel about YOU. The start of ANY type of relationship should not begin with one person or another, wanting to change things about the other person, and the only thing we should really set a high expectation for, is for respect.
I am also not a sold believer, on the man being the one who pursues. Positive relationships of EVERY kind require communication, and the start of a crush, can be a tricky place to try and open up about yourself, and how you feel about him (although as you mentioned, you’re still learning about him, and how you feel about him). Becoming friends with this person first, will help you to learn more about one another… and may relieve some of the frustration and pressure you might be feeling.. With this being said, don’t depend on this other person to make up your mind for you. You need to decide how you feel about him, and how he makes you feel 🙂
T
hese factors in figuring out how you really feel about this person-beyond expectations. This person could be a great person, but just may not be the person for you. And that’s okay-because there is someone out there who is 🙂 In the meantime, just be yourselfI hope this helps, good luck! 🙂
December 10, 2014 at 11:45 am #69063xWhy
ParticipantI like a lot of what fritz says. I want to add something. He’s picking up on your discomfort and awkwardness about your feelings. I suspect this is more than a crush. The way you write about him (specifically by calling him “this person”) tells me you value him more than just sexually. A crush is mostly sexual attraction and infatuation, but this seems like more than that. I’ll offer this, relax, and actively seek to get to know him. Don’t chase him, just let him know you want to get to know him a little better than the superficial friendships that we all have. Maybe you guys are a great match, maybe not. But don’t try and guess. I’ll quote a teacher I had in college. “If you don’t know, ask. If you aren’t sure, ask. I can’t read your minds, and I would rather you risk being embarrassed to ask for what you need, than make a mistake that hurts more than a ding in your pride”. Good luck!
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