fbpx
Menu

Is this a friend-? How to be happy in this situation?? (long post)

Home→Forums→Relationships→Is this a friend-? How to be happy in this situation?? (long post)

New Reply
  • This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • April 16, 2016 at 6:06 am #102003
    Karene
    Participant

    I just realise that the issue is with me and myself and not with him. I have so many body image issues right now that I just want to hide all the time and find it very hard to be friendly to any males because I feel so self conscious and really just want to hide away in my own self rejection or anxiety in how to fix myself. Ive gone through so many physical changes that my body and my face look so different now and my face is hard to ignore everyday because of mirrors and things. I just want to accept and love myself but I cant as I look like this.

    April 16, 2016 at 7:20 am #102005
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Karene,

    I sounds like you had a really difficult time in life.

    You did NOT invite/deserve to be raped. That should NEVER have happened to you!!

    You did NOT deserve to have that horrid man from your twenties treat you that way. THAT should NEVER have happened to you either!!

    What I have done (and it did help!) was to write about all the experiences, and write all about how horrid these men were. Let it ALL out! Be as angry and vindictive as you want when you write! Be prophetic ~ write about how crappy their lives are now. How if they saw you now and think of you now they’d be kicking themselves for treating you so badly. Heck, even (safely) light a Voo-Doo Justice Candle! And then (safely) BURN the papers!! Use a fireplace or a grill.

    Now, as for this boy/man-child at work. Listen to me, he is incapable of having a normal relationship or relating normally with other people. Don’t do any of the above with this one. Feel sorry for him. And You do you! If switching your work hours will make your emotional life easier, do it!

    Looks: Fat, thin, conventionally attractive, plain Jane, we are what we are!! My DH thinks I’m gorgeous, but few other people may. Go figure! You know? Like, I’m attracted to nerds. Why? Who knows?? As women, as long as we are well groomed, are dressed neatly and have on a smattering of makeup and do our hair and nails once in a while, no one can complain! Go to the mall and sit in those mall chairs and people watch for fifteen minutes. Most people (the general public) are whatever-y looking IRL. When you go into the mall stores though, the pictures of the young thin models would have you believe otherwise.

    Advice if you choose to accept it: What has helped me with me was to (in addition to burning my written troubles away) was to go outside of myself. By volunteering in the community and at a place of worship, my social anxiety decreased because I was on a mission.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years ago by Inky.
    April 16, 2016 at 8:18 am #102008
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Karene:

    I re-read your previous posts in the other two threads as well as the posts on this thread. This is my understanding:

    As a child you were very much alone. It is as if there was no one there to guide you. You needed an at least one parent to put words to what you are feeling; someone to listen to your thoughts and respond, let you know you were heard and that your thinking makes sense. You needed a parent to notice you, to be happy you exist. You needed a parent to look at you with that accepting, happy-to-see you smile. You needed a parent to give you these messages:

    “I see you, Karene. When you feel sad, I see you feeling sad. Will you tell me what is making you sad? When you feel fear, I see it, will you tell me, Karene, what is making you scared?” And they you would tell the parent, and the parent will look at you with empathy and validate your feelings: “You feel sad because you lost your toy. You miss your stuffed bear.”

    When you found those pornographic magazines, so many of them, at about 14, you needed your mother or father to say to you: “I am so sorry I left those magazines where you could find them. I am so very sorry for hurting you by leaving these here. I made a mistake and I regret it. This will never happen again.”

    Instead this very meaningful event in your life, finding these magazines, was ignored. And so, you were ignored. Terribly ignored.

    Looking at those photos in those magazines was very powerful in your life. Your father must have been distant from you. He must have ignored you. I have no doubts about that. So when you looked at what did get your father’s attention, you figured it was those perfect bodies that got his attention. And you figured you didn’t get his attention because you didn’t have that perfect body. And so your body image issues took a strong hold.

    You wrote that you had therapy when you were 22. Obviously not good therapy and/ or not long enough. It takes a lot of time and work to heal from such a terrible childhood, such a lonely, alone kind of childhood. Plants require certain things to grow; people require much more than nutrients and shelter. It seems like all you got was food, shelter, maybe a few toys, clothes, access to school, but my goodness, it is as if you got nothing else in that lonely, lonely home of your childhood.

    This guy at work is not the answer. Neither is losing weight or gaining weight or changing the color of your hair. If you’d like to correspond with me further on this thread, please do. Please let me know of your thoughts and feelings about what I wrote to you in this reply.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.