Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Is the replier superior to the OP?
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jock.
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November 10, 2015 at 11:51 pm #87203
jockParticipantWhen you respond to a person with a problem, do you automatically feel superior?
You may now feel you have a good handle on life, suffer less depression and/or anxiety than before. Have read good motivational books and meditate regularly. Your social life has improved and you are starting to feel in control. Someone posts on here expressing fear anxiety and despair. You reply.
How do you feel when you reply? Is there a sense that you are the expert, they the lowly apprentice? Do you feel you have the upper hand?I may well feel superior sometimes but I try to put myself on the same level mostly. Often it is better I don’t reply at all.
November 11, 2015 at 12:12 am #87204
EsteParticipantHello!
Often, I reply because I empathise with what the person is going through.
To me, responding to a post, is not about who is greater or whatsoever. But it is about shedding some light and sharing perspectives. It may alleviate their problems and elevate them towards a solution.
So yea. Sometimes we help people, sometimes people help us. That’s life. 😀
Om.
November 11, 2015 at 1:33 am #87205jockParticipantTo me, responding to a post, is not about who is greater or whatsoever
Of course everyone is going to say that, including me.
But I’m suggesting we may not be aware of feeling in a stronger position than the OP. I have seen replies that have a patronising tone for example.
But I take your point that if we both seek help and give advice (take role of OP at times), then it all evens out in the end.November 11, 2015 at 1:57 am #87206EsteParticipantTo me, responding to a post, is not about who is greater or whatsoever
Not everyone is going to say that! Lolz. Everyone responds with very different purpose(s).
Hence,
To me, responding to a post, is not about who is greater or whatsoever
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Om.
November 11, 2015 at 2:23 am #87207
GlendaParticipantWell I always respond kindly and with lots of sympathy because who knows. I might be in the same situation one day.
“lowly apprentice”? That’s kinda severe, don’t you think?
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This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by
Glenda.
November 11, 2015 at 4:42 am #87209
InkyParticipantHi All!
When I ask a question on a forum, it’s not that I’m looking for an expert so much as looking for:
1. Someone who’s been through the exact same thing and made it to the other side
2. An out of the box way of thinking about the problem and a unique solution
3. Enough people telling me that I’m not crazy! Kind of a reality check that yes, I’m really going through this. That No, my reactions are perfectly normal. And that certain ways forward are valid.
When I answer I think of myself as outside of their problem enough to have a perspective either from experience, something I’ve seen/read/heard or from time living on the planet. An expert I’m not! More of a horse-sense lay advisor!
Inky
November 11, 2015 at 6:35 am #87210
JenniferParticipantInteresting point you raise, Jack!
When we help others, we inadvertently will trigger the ego. I think the key is awareness and to not let our ego totally take over. As you pointed out, I also have seen it in some of the posts…some people immediately take one side or other…the more important thing is to not others trigger our own ego.
For me, I feel compassion for myself & others when responding because someone else has been asking a question that has been circling in my head, but I never got a chance to articulate externally….so I sort of experience this “ah-ha” awakening moment.
I pick and choose which posts to respond…and I only respond to the ones that I can relate to. I feel more that we are sharing thoughts rather than one person is above the other. The concept of non-duality and that we are all interdependent human beings reminds me of this.
Take care!
JenniferNovember 11, 2015 at 7:52 am #87212
AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
My first, automatic inclination was to answer: no, I do not feel superior, I am not superior, etc. Of course, the automated quality of this response became suspect to me, and therefore needs to be examined, as I intend to do now. After all, I respond to people seeking help and advice so often, this is an excellent topic for me to examine:
Yes, I do feel superior in position of insight to the person asking for help or advice almost every time, most often at the least. Yes, I do. I see myself as SEEING better into his or her situation than he or she sees. Or at least I see myself as being able to see better once I ask questions and get answers and re-read one’s posts and see and see and see.
Now, the thing is that most often I am superior to the advice seeker in my position because I am outside, free from the distress that envelops the advice seeker, a distress that is like mental fog. Without the OP’s (I don’t know what OP stands for, the acronym, but I suppose it means the advice/help seeker) personal mental fog, I am in reality in a superior position to see what is going on in the OP’s life situation.
I am, in reality, often am in a superior position because of the healing, awakening work I have been doing since 2011 on a consistent basis. I believe in the work I have been doing, and like any work- the more you do it right or well, the better you get at it. True to a machinist, true to an awakening person, a healing, evolving person. Same principle.
Am I a superior person to anyone reading this line I am typing right now? No. Sincerely, NO. I am more intelligent in some areas than some, less intelligent than others, more formally educated than some, less than others, thinner than some… and the list can go on and on and on. As far as my human value, no I am not superior to a single person reading this. I believe we are all born loving and lovable, worthy and valuable. We know it then then many of us forget it or get it taken from us. Then some of us will see it again, that we are loving and lovable and valuable. And we may see it in others, some others at the least.
anita
November 11, 2015 at 8:41 am #87215jockParticipantgreat answer Anita. if anyone is self-aware here, you are.
By the way, OP, means Original Poster, some say Original Person, on the thread.November 11, 2015 at 8:50 am #87217AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
Thank you! ..And when I wrote “We may see it in others, some others”- you know I see it in you, being loving and lovable and valuable. I saw it and see it today by the nature of this very thread: it takes a lot to bring this topic up, a willingness to look inside and an invitation for others to do the same. It takes the willingness and the ability that you have to be authentic and to recognize it when you see it. Then recognize it when you don’t. Hat off to you, Jack! Always a pleasure to read your posts as the OP or the respondent.
anita
November 11, 2015 at 8:58 am #87218jockParticipantThere was a fear for me that some would take this thread personally, that I was pointing the finger. Not at all. I just think it useful for us to take stock if we are going to reply often here. A checklist might be:
-am I really trying to help this person or am I just wanting to show off my progress and knowledge?
-am I respecting this person’s feelings?
-have I read this post with full empathy?
-is my post’s tone respectful and sympathetic?
-have I considered just skipping a reply altogether?November 11, 2015 at 5:32 pm #87229AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
I like your questions. I learned to ask myself before I respond: Am I feeling anger/ irritation/ annoyance at the OP? If I do- skip it, is my position. Respond only from a place of no anger. I don’t necessarily feel empathy for an OP before replying or during. I enjoy replying so I do whenever I think I have something useful in potential to say. I am very aware that 90-99% of the time what I type to any particular OP will not make any difference for the OP, EVEN if I am making an excellent point.
I like it that you mentioned the fear you felt about posting this thread- this is being authentic, directly, in a straightforward way, exposing “weak” feelings- that takes courage.
anita
November 11, 2015 at 6:08 pm #87231AnonymousGuest* clarification: I do respond from a place of anger when I perceive that I or someone I value are attacked by a poster. A thread though doesn’t start with a personal attack, so I mean later on, if there is an attack, then yes, I get angry and respond from anger. If I feel annoyed by a poster otherwise- better skip it.
anitaNovember 12, 2015 at 3:41 pm #87289JenniferParticipantThanks everyone for their insight! It has helped me navigate better. 🙂
Just wanted to share a youtube video – Eckhart Tolle’s explanation of “ego vs healthy self esteem”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju-3hNLFAMU
Enjoy!
JenniferNovember 12, 2015 at 5:30 pm #87294jockParticipantThanks Jennifer. I’m a big fan of ET. Hadn’t seen this particular video.
As I think he said, we get in trouble if we identify with our ego too much.
You’ve reminded me of something I wanted to use of ETs for another thread. -
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