Thank you both for the replies. I think maybe I might have wrote the part about the kids a little confusing so Im going to clarify. I have 4 kids but they are all grown. What I was referring to was yes I know its hard being in a relationship where one person has kids and the other doesn’t but I only know that from a mother perspective. I was married 2 times. my first 2 kids are out of the home. my second two from my second marriage, one is 19 the other 17. They all live apart from me. But I have an amazing relationship with them all and nothing ever gets between me and them. Now with my ex (the one in reference) he has two other kids from his first marriage, one is 19 the other 12. He never sees them and rarely talks to them. I dont wanna elaborate there but basically he has an I give up attitude. He claims its his ex wifes fault they are sort of estranged. But he just doesnt try. much like our relationship he makes excuses. Idk maybe its a man thing. I know as a mother I will die for my kids and no one better try to stand between us! No if that was the case at all I wouldn’t be with a man like that. So now in his case his 8 year old sons mother lives in another state and she was a huge thorn since day one. She turned out to be an alcoholic and finally she is getting her life together and she is causing far less drama but in the beginning it was a nightmare. I believe in co-parenting but both him and her are quite honestly crappy parents. I would try to help him and offer advice and he never wanted to hear it. But then say the teacher at school would say the same thing I did and all of a sudden hes like thats a great idea. So thats also a dilemma because I feel so sad for his son. The fact that he doesnt want to move in together is one thing if its just him and I but he thinks its ok for his son to live in a shop with no where to play or have his own room for toys and just a feeling of home and being safe and secure. Especially after his mother drug him through the mud and they were basically homeless before we got him back. His son has social issues and outbursts at school and had to be moved to a special program. Idk to me nothing is more important that a safe home for your child and he doesnt disagree but at the same time he is making excuses why we cant afford an apartment. I think he has a lot of insecurities and walls up. I think hes afraid of taking on all that responsibility. But hes halfway there as it is. Hes afraid of failure. Hes trying to buy a business and he uses that as his “excuse”. All his money is going toward that for our “future” which is commendable and makes sense but in the interim? The three of us cant live that way for 3 more years. And again I work and can and have paid half or more than half the expenses so its crazy.

Many times he has said we need to just be apart and focus on our individual goals and then maybe fate will bring us back together someday. Well, ok yes and no. Maybe I let him raise his son and buy the shop and then in 10 yrs see where we are in life. But that also seems like lunacy. Life is now not 10 years from now. I cant carry around a maybe for 10 years. I want to be with someone. I don’t want to be alone. Its feasible now, he just has to rearrange his thinking. But sometimes yes I believe maybe its just better this way. I have always been more needy and unable to be alone and I am learning slowly to be ok with being alone. Among other things. I am going out and doing things for myself and trying to move forward because I cant wait for a someday. I am trying not to contact him and let the ball be in his court.

Ok I wanted to post an update. Somehow this week we managed to turn our conversations around and he litterally did a 180. He has said that he wants me to come back And also said he is going to rent an apartment for us. He says he realizes that if I am going to put in the effort then he should too. BUT the kicker is will he really do it? Part of it involves me going back to work for him and hes promised me a raise. I know he needs me there as hes clearly not able to or willing to do a lot if things on his own. I knew he was going to come around to wanting me to come back as he always does but I never expected him to be gung ho about the apartmemt. But it is yet to be seen. Im not really counting on it. He has said he needs until mid April. He needs me back at work before may as thats the rush season amd otherwise he has to hire a girl. So i dont really know if he just says these things to get what he wants and “pits up” with me and is now getting the apt just to keep me quiet. I shouldnt think this way. I should think yes he loves me and hes committed and doing what it takes. But heres why my thinking is flawed. Tonight we are talking and he says-when we get the apt i want a nee coffee maker (a keurig. And he never buys the cheapest anything). Because the one i have im leaving at the shop. And I say- well I still have my keurig. And he says well its old and the coffe tastes nasty from it. Hmmm. Ok so now here i go trying to hold composure, try not to cry. Because I feel the argument coming. See as this conve is happening Im thinking we dont even have an apt yet and when we get it we will have no furniture or anything but clothes and a bed maybe a few dishes. A coffee maker is last on the priority list. And im already sensing that will be hard toconvey to him. And it was. It ended in the usual. Somehow he gets hell bent out of shape and reads me some riot act when i have yet to even open my mouth and make a point. I hung of on him. I called my bff. I cried an hour straight. I said to myself. Nothing about this man is changing. He changes our circumstances (possibly) but his attitude? Not so much. Well i had to get this out. I dont plan to talk to him. Im waiting to see what he does. But i really want to walk away. I want to stop fighting for him.