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Interesting Question!

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #43180
    Kirty
    Participant

    I have an interesting question and am curious to see what everyone elses perspective is on the matter..

    To what extent do the people around you (the people you have attracted into your life sub conciously, un-knowingly) reflect who you are as a person and the stage your at in life? Also how do you take responsibility or is it your own responsibility if the people around you dont reflect positive things?

    I have read alot on how your life is your responsibility (which i agree with and understand) which means if your happy thats your responsibility if your un-happy then that is too (unless of course its from something out of your control) but to what extent are we liable to be taking responsibility? If that makes sense..

    I read a few years back the secret, which had a similar idea to the above, and what you think and feel you attract right back into your life. That kind of thing..

    What are peoples thoughts?

    🙂

    Kirsty x

    #43202
    Matt
    Participant

    Kirsty,

    I really enjoy the way you’re looking at things and trying to sort it out. Its true that karma binds us together in hoops or circles of patterned relationships, and there is often some kind of a connection. Freud said that we repeat certain relationships over and over until we figure out why we keep getting into them. Said differently, sometimes when we have unresolved conflicts that we still we carry with us, we naturally move toward situations that reflect the discomforting states. It can help us heal old wounds, and perhaps we’re drawn to them because we want to heal the internal mirroring. Perhaps we keep repeating the same error, fall into the same unhealthy patters. Either way, its good to untangle them. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    First, we are the light to our world. Often times the people around us only look dark because that’s what we’re seeing. If we self nurture, such as a metta practice or walking in nature, what we see lightens. People aren’t bad people, they have lots of noble qualities that become obscured when they suffer. One friend might be a great artist, but gets frustrated easily. Another might be a great mom, but fail at relationships. As we remain nourished and full of light, we help inspire the nobility in us and those around us.

    That being said, my teacher also loved to remind me that life is not meant to be an endurance trial. The sangha is one of the pillars of development, and communing with like minded people is important. Otherwise, we get too far uprooted from our own truth, and become a “tiger in the woods”. This happens to monks who spend too much time away from a meditative community, but it happens to us as well, when our relationships are unstable or draining.

    What we often mistakenly do is “beat people up” with truth. We see someone acting in an afflicting way (to self or others) and get flustered with them, judge them. The way my teacher described this was like going into a dance club. Its actually quite rude to tell them to turn the music down, and silly for us to get mad at the noise. If we have a friend that is consistently angry, for instance, we can try to help them if they want it, but otherwise our peace rekindles when we leave the club. Said differently, we don’t have the right or obligation to try to change people, and if they consistently pull us away from our mindfulness, it is OK to simply walk away. “Do no harm” and so forth.

    A focus we can use for contemplation, if we’re curious about our side of the karma, is to consider how Buddha could sit in the pah of a charging elephant and be undisturbed. So, what are we bringing to the moment? What is additional?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #43206
    Alpal
    Participant

    Hey there, that is a really interesting question that really makes me think , I really do believe that we are responsible for almost everything in our life, because we are our thoughts, we are the ones who decide how we re act to things, yes sometimes some emotions come naturally but it is then that we need to hold this emotion and get it out of our system ! “if you don’t like something change it , if you can’t change your attitude” Same goes with people, some people in our lives are REALLY negative and just bring you down all the time, what I do with these kinds of people is either , try to talk to them and change the way they act, or distance myself from them. because in the end how they feel and act has nothing to do with me and is nothing I can really change.Some people hurt you or change who you are as a person, but remember to only let them help you grow , instead of letting them bring you down and change you in a negative way. I do believe that people around me have influenced the person I am today , but it was me who decided to let them influence me in a positive way then in a negative way, trust me you can make negative out of the good and positive out of the bad, But happiness is essential in all of our lives and if that means living alone for the rest of your life, so be it !

    #43207
    Kirty
    Participant

    thanks so much for the replies 🙂 I have so many questions (matt) lol I should probably stop analysing things so much.. but I feel passionate about gaining insight and im just in awe of things all the time.. its weird! totally get what your saying, I have thought to mysaelf in circumstances and situations ‘if I was happy in my life and feeling good about myself would I be viewing this person/this situation this negatively and personally?” and the answer is usually no.. so I get when that when you are feeling low and sad/dark then that’s what you see, and when your feeling the opposite you see good things, and don’t take things so personally and negatively? something like that?

    I am wondering though how you can surround yourself with like minded people when there aren’t any around, like what if someone has no “tribe” or similar people around that they can relate to and share with, what if you don’t know where you fit and you’re in an in-between period where you can’t relate to anyone (or so it seems)..

    I like that view of the people in your life, that they are there to help you grow whether they are negative or positive influences, they are there to teach you the lessons your yet to learn (Its said all the time, but you gain a better understanding when your aware and in the situation I think or when you analyse it like I do! lol). There are just some people in my life that I am meeting that I am confused about, I am living with 3 flatmates, I don’t know if this sounds absolutely nuts or crazy (I look into things pretty deeply sometimes) but I see them all as reflectors of certain parts of me, one of them hides in his room all day and rarely socializes (me to a T and how I have been behaving the pst years and how I feel ALOT of the time still, unfortunately.. or fortunately who knows), the other who is needy & sort of negative but well meaning & very analytical and overly intrusive & kind of odd (the things I call myself when I am feeling judgmental about myself and insecure, I’m on guard analysing people and I call myself weird), and the other is kind friendly, warm and heart felt, independent and lovely (which is the part of me I love but miss) it’s strange but I feel like I see all of these things reflect from myself. is that weird? im just so curious about the whole thing. I probably analyse too much. I like what you say about the club metaphor aswell, as when the more negative flatmate would talk to me and would usually state his opinions about the type of person he thinks I am, I told myself after it happened that I don’t have to take those labels and let it define me, I can see it as his opinion, and walk away to continue being myself instead of being caught up in the judgments of others, that’s a kind of mindfulness technique yeah?

    I love what you say alia, deciding who you allow to influence you and who not to, I love that and it is something I want to stay aware of and remember that I have that choice.. There are some totally negative people around I agree with that lol. Thanks so much for your advice 🙂 x

    #44403
    Kirty
    Participant

    wow I repeat myself a lot..

    #44414
    Lester
    Participant

    Hi
    Firstly, you are your own like minded person.

    Also, saints need sinners. A negative person will always pop along, they are a gift. Thats how we learn how not to be. Because unfortunately negative people are unhappy. We can only hope that our love, compassion and patience acts as a guide for them.

    Even when we find like minded friends and acquaintances, we must not get attached but accept it as a naturally occurring part of the journey that is our current life.

    The laws of attraction are always working and I think that we can attract, like minded people by having the courage to be our positive selves.

    Best wishes.

    #44415
    Lester
    Participant

    ‘What we think, we become’ Buddha

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