There are a few females from my past that, for some reason, I still hold way above me.

OK I can’t answer you perfectly but one issue I can relate to is the one of putting people on pedestals. I still do it a bit but used to do it a lot. I used to idealise people I liked as if they were perfect. But gradually as I got older I could see through them more clearly and realised they weren’t perfect after all. In fact I became disappointed they weren’t as I gradually realised that no one is perfect, life is not perfect, life in general becomes disappointing. Such is life for idealists like me.
And there seems to be rule: the degree to which we idealise others is inversely proportionate to how low we think of ourselves. Solution? learn to think more of ourselves. Just another problem that can be solved through higher self-esteem.

Dear moonpedal/ reader:

I love this quote from above: “the degree to which we idealise others is inversely proportionate to how low we think of ourselves.”

I agree with “In your mind view everyone as equal” but I disagree with “And have everyone on the same side!”

I also disagree with “IF someone dumps you for someone else, it means they weren’t The Real Deal to begin with!”

Why am I mentioning what I disagree with in another’s comment? This is not what I normally do, but it is important here, the point I am trying to make to anyone who is reading this:

If you walk on a street in East Jerusalem right now, not everyone is going to be on your side and the consequence of assuming that everyone will be on your side is death. Now, on this forum, this very moment, not everyone is on my side. Someone is getting angry with me right this moment, reading these words, and he or she will want to hurt me, a natural response to anger. So he or she will. So, never, ever is anyone in the position in life where everyone is on one’s side. This is a… spiritual myth, a result of expedient, convenient, feel good thinking that is not real and not true.

If someone dumps you, moongal, or dumps anyone it does not mean the dumper was not the real deal to begin with or when dumping. This is another example of expedient, convenient (very convenient) thinking that is not real and is not true- and therefore is doing nothing but disservice following the initial comfort it provides. When a person dumps you, the dumper may very well be the real thing and dump you for a real and valid reason.

Moongal, you wrote: ” Something in my head creates scenarios where my new friend and one of these girls meet, and then my new friend realizes that she is smarter or more charming or more interesting or whatever, and then dumps our friendship.” I have a challenge for you: someone will always be smarter than you, more charming than you at one point or another and more interesting than you (and more this and that), it will be tough to compete with all these. The challenge is how about you being more honest, straightforward, authentic than the others? You will have way less competition in this department than in the others.

anita

Anita, I’m not angry with you disagreeing with me ~ not at all!

The way I see it as, we are not living in the Middle East, yet we still have to lock our doors and be aware of our surroundings.

I had a friend Alan whose favorite expression was, “Well, it’s better than a kick in the azz!”

Offering the solution of thinking ~ even for a moment ~ that everyone’s equal and on the same side…. Is, for the OP (Original Poster), better than a kick in the azz for mental health! I’d rather have her seeing the good in fellow beings ~ her being one of them! Better for her than stagnating in a cloud of depression/defeat.

And her BF dumping her for another girl? Well, he wasn’t the Real Deal. The Real Deal is a man who would lay down his life for you!

Yes, sometimes we have to be “wise as serpents” and fight back! But if we “live” there 24/7, that will wear us out.

Blessings

* And Inky, if you don’t mention the context of your statements and just put them out there, your statements- without the context- can be very misleading and NOT true. So, as a reader of your comment, it is not my job to figure out the context that will make your statements true. It is yours, if you want to be clear and correct.

What I am learning from this exchange here, is to clarify the context of my statements, in case I am not doing so, and avoid “never” and “always”- define, clarify context.

anita

Dear Inky:

Those people that honestly think “all the world is a wonderful place filled with lovely people” – ALL the world is a wonderful place, those people honestly think. I thought so too for a whole day ten years ago. I had access to methadone, a clear sweet red liquid. My goodness, the good feeling that filled me in thoroughly. Not a single unpleasant thought went through my head, all pleasant and warm and ALL the world was indeed wonderful. I called my mother and told her I loved her and it felt like I did, love with no anger and no hurt. I felt for the first time and the last time, close and loving and loved by her. It was beautiful, lasted the whole day. I didn’t want to sleep so not to lose it. Of course, I wanted this again and again. Unfortunately the methadone made me sick and no longer feeling good. I had to abandon it. Oh, the memory. I was one of those people too, on that day.

anita