Dear Nancy:

You wrote “my toxic personality”-

If you and a few people there do not get along, why does it mean that you are toxic and not the others?

I understand that you were offered something you don’t like, something you already told the person who offered it to you that you don’t like it, maybe some food, and you reacted angrily. If the person offering you the particular food knew you don’t like it and offered it to you just so to annoy you, then he/ she was the … toxic one, to use your word. No?

anita

Dear Nancy,

I agree with Inky and Anita above.

If you are being baited and respond, you give whoever is causing the situation instant gratification. I never got on that well with my in-laws either! I did exactly what Inky suggested above, and ‘killed them with kindness’. Don’t rise to the bait. When they get no reaction from you except a smile, they will soon find someone else to bait.

Some people just don’t get on. And that’s that. It’s nothing to do with toxic personalities or anything else.

Do you ever feel like you have been judged by them? And your reaction is simply that, a reaction and a defence to protect yourself? I know it was for me. It became obvious that my MIL judged me as being not good enough for her son. It was her problem, no-one else thought that. Her own insecurities were dumped on me. It wasn’t really about me not being good enough, either – she was out to prove that she was better than me, that her family were better than mine – or anyone else’s.

After a few years of ‘no reaction’ or just a smile, she gave up.

Best wishes,

Jay