Hi all. I’m writing this because I don’t have anyone to turn to. I’m 27 and my wife is turning 24 this year. My wife was a student when we married and I already started working professionally since over 4 years ago. We had been dating since 2013 and got married last year 2016. After over a year of marriage, I feel stressed and frustrated. Generally I’m not so happy with how our life turning into right now. I’d explain further below.

1. When we got engaged 2 years back, we made promises to each other in preparation of marriage life. She promised to get a driving license before the wedding as my workplace and her college are only accessible by car and totally at different direction. It turned out she didn’t managed to get the license, she didn’t even register to a driving class. When I raised concern few months prior to the wedding, she became angry. And she told me to never ever raise that matter again. Okay so I tolerated with that issue at that time. Then we happily got married and excited and all.

2. First few months of marriage we stayed together. Then I realised she is not really good at cooking. She didn’t cook every day anyway so most of the time I need to buy food outside. She did the house chores but not very properly. When I tried to teach her how to do the laundry properly, she became upset. Then I know she can’t be criticised a bit even in a way that we’re just trying to teach her a better way of doing something. But then, the toll is on me as she couldn’t manage my clothing like she didn’t iron my shirts properly and many missing items like socks, underwear etc. One time, I went to work without socks. I tried hiding it from my coworkers all day but somehow one of them noticed it. I was so embarrassed. She’s also super sensitive and a cry baby, I can say she’d cry to even smallest issue, and almost everyday. And one more thing I still couldn’t accept is that she’s scared of ghosts. Like she’s scared to go upstairs on her own and asked me to go with her, every time. When I insisted her to go alone, she’d became upset and cried.

3. Another thing is, as she doesn’t have a driving license, u guess it, I have to be her personal driver. I need to drive her to class, shopping, buying groceries etc. I can’t plan my day properly, even on weekends. And it’s not like she’d go to her college in the morning and I fetch her after work. As I’m a site engineer, I need to go to sites (outside) everyday. And she knew it so she’d asked to come and send/fetch her between my working hours. Again, when I tried to slow talk to her about anything, she’d become upset and we get into a fight.

4. Then, something tragic happened. Her brother died in an accident. Her family was so overwhelmed by the tragedy especially my MIL. So we decided to stay with her family since August last year to accompany her mom. But it became worse for us as now she didn’t cook anymore. Previously at least she could train herself to cook better but now it’s all back to square one. And she still didn’t manage the house chores properly. I’ve tried slow talk with her and she did improved a bit, but I feel she could do much better, if only she wants to.

5. Then comes to the sensitive part, the bedroom. Early on, like most couples, sex is exciting. Then after a while, we didn’t do it as much. She always come up with “I’m tired, we just had dinner, I have stomach ache” kind of excuses. I’m not forcing or anything, but we all know all that little excuses is manageable. Like we can have a rest for a while and set the mood slowly. But she was not even trying. And that really kills my mood too. Now we just having sex like once in 2 weeks. Yeah it’s sad I know. I feel like I’m just living with a stubborn and totally dependent teenager. And I need to take care of everything and raise her to maturity.

Just recently, she finished her degree. I was so relieved as I began to feel that it’s time for her to play her part and contribute in this marriage. We planned to move out from her family’s home and start fresh again. But something else came up, I got a scholarship to further study overseas (to UK). So I resigned and now applying Visa together. Now I’m worried if she couldn’t cope in foreign country while starting her working life and all that. I’m afraid if she would only drag me down with her demanding attentions and dependency on me. That would totally affect my studies later.

Sometimes, when we’re fighting, I feel like I’m so done. I’m so done with this. But then I consoled myself and think and believe we can still do this. I need to be very patient and steadfast. But lately the feeling of getting out is becoming stronger and stronger, whenever we got into a fight… I really don’t know what to do. I really need some advise. Thank you.