Hello everyone,

My names Justin. I’m not even sure were to start. I have carried around a lot of learned toxic behavior my whole life and have done a lot of work but when ever things have seemed good I’ve stopped seeking counsel.

I’ve known of my wife for a really long time, was my sisters bestfriend when we were growing up. 3 years ago we connected and man did the sparks fly, we were so compatible. I’ve never in my life felt more loved than by her and her whole family, and neither did she, we thought we were soulmates, so much love and passion. We really didn’t waste any time and thinking about it now we rushed things big time, moved in together in 6 months and were married on our 1 year anniversary. I did have a slight pang when she asked me to move in but I ignored it and went with the flow so to speak. I should mention she was previously married for 15 years and has a child with her ex. He’s in the picture seeing his son every other weekend. I was very positive and excited to be a step dad as I don’t have children of my own. But lets be real parenting when its your own child is hard enough let alone when you are tasked with being a full time dad to a child that isn’t yours and was made quite clear I was to have zero say in how he was raised. I was to be his buddy only at least until the trust was built. Understandable now that I think about it, but this was a cause of quite a lot of tension. The balance involved in being a family unit is immense and my wife and I tried hard to keep it together for all of us. I was as needy for her attention as her son was, I tried so hard to to be better, more involved with him and give my wife the space for herself, but felt like an outsider a lot. I put myself on the outside though.

Fast forward a couple years, my wife decided she couldn’t do it anymore and wanted to live apart but continue to try at us (4months ago). While we were still living together I was going to counseling here and there and we went to couples counseling a couple times. I was in my final year (2 month trade school) of school when she decided that we should separate, I was devastated and stressed to the max. Please don’t think I’m trying to make her out to be this horrible person cause she’s not she really did try I think (she suffers from depression) and I dropped the ball constantly by not trying to think differently or be more active in changing my selfish ways. So I thought I got over that and had positive intention of truly making it work but in reality I did nothing to help myself or us. I was filled with resentment from our separation and that made its way into our conversations a lot. This continued until 2 weeks ago yesterday when had a horrible ending to our evening together and I left for work the next day not really knowing what to say. I called her on my lunch and we had an argument and then back to the terrible text exchanges which ended in her saying she was finished. We’ve both said stuff in the heat of the moment.

Since that day I wrote her a letter and left her a card owning all my shit and asked her not to give up. She’s texted me a few times saying thank you and asked for some time and space, which I of course respected. Early this week she texted me again and said there was a letter on my car. I haven’t talked to her or seen in 2 weeks. She wrote this beautiful letter saying she felt strongly we can’t make this work and that she is so sorry that she can’t do it anymore. She’s in no hurry to get divorced or have anyone else but want to concentrate on her and being a mom. Of course this week has been maybe the worst of my entire life, I’ve pushed away the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known and it rings true that you don’t know what you have until its gone or you do and think its never going to leave. I took her for granted and have paid the price.

I of course have leapt into action which I should have done 2 years ago. But at least for me, I never truly see things until I fall flat on my face. I still have contact with her mom she has been the sweetest lady through this, we are very close, my second mom. Right now I’m just struggling with the fact that is my marriage really over? Should I really just walk away after not really doing anything to help it in the first place? Maybe this is obvious to some of you and maybe I’m a fool for thinking I can turn this around after all this. I texted my wife a few times after reading the letter but we have both gone silent since Tuesday to lick our wounds as she put it. I don’t want to change her mind unless it truly comes from her, I know she loves me and is as devastated as I am. All I’m trying to do now is do what I should have done all along. I just don’t know if now is too late, I’ve done so much for myself already but gave up when it was good. We are all a work in progress, I know I have a toxic streak but for the most part I’m a wonderful man and I’ve failed my marriage and am just beside myself about it. We love each other, I feel it, even when I don’t talk or see her. I don’t want to lose her or her son. What would you humans do!? Thank you all for reading this, writing it has helped me face more truth. Any advise is welcome of course.

Love,

Justin