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I'm told I care too much about what others want and neglect my family.

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • July 30, 2018 at 5:03 pm #219499
    Mark
    Participant

    Phil,

    I’d take the generalizations off the table with your wife.  Deal with specifics.  It is the quality of time in addition to the quantity of time that matters.

    What does your wife want in terms of time; how much and in doing what with her and the family?  Time together for dinner every night?  Time doing weekend activities?  Time for .. what?

    What requests and wants does she have that you give in to?  If both of you need to make a list to discuss and agree on then do so.  Else everything is perception which can vary widely.

    Even if you get out the Google calendar to schedule your joint and separate activities then do so.

    Do you know what your Love Language is?  Your wife’s?  I suspect her’s is Quality Time and your’s is Acts of Service.  That would be another basis of understanding where each of you is coming from.

    Mark

    July 31, 2018 at 11:51 am #219709
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Phil:

    Question is does your staff work harder for you when you give them a lot of time off, do they return to work motivated to please you; or do they work just the same, or less, and “ask for more and more”?

    Your wife, when you “give in to her requests”, does she reward you for it, does she try to please you, and does she too ask for more and more?

    anita

    July 31, 2018 at 5:36 pm #219763
    Phil
    Participant

    Thanks Mark, that makes a lot of sense. I will change my perspective.

    July 31, 2018 at 5:38 pm #219767
    Phil
    Participant

    Anita you are so right. Seems no matter how good I am to those around me like staff they just seem to take and never give back. Whereas my wife does appreciate my time and me. She deserves more from me and I need you stop being such a people pleaser to those who don’t deserve it.

    August 1, 2018 at 3:14 am #219825
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Phil:

    I don’t remember a thread where the original poster came up with the solution to the problem presented so quickly. As a people pleaser you will still feel the drive to give and give to people (staff) who don’t deserve it, who don’t give back. Maybe more so than to the people who do give back (wife and kids). You will have to resist that drive, to talk sense to yourself while … under the influence of that drive.

    I suppose that drive to please started in your childhood, trying to  please a parent who was not pleased, it is the same drive?

    anita

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