I'm left heartbroken and I can't move on. Need help, advice and guidance please

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This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by I.

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April 22, 2015 at 5:24 am #75663

Inky
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Hi innnaaa,

Oh, sweetie!! {{{hugs}}}

I know, I know. As women we get crazily competitive when we even think we sniff another woman in the background. And you actually had one! What I would have done is keep losing or destroying his phone, but that’s just me when I’m crazy! LOL! Let this other girl “win”. Believe me, she’ll get her heart broken too. Look at his string of failed marriages!

Anyway, speaking as a slightly older person, let me assure you that you are STILL YOUNG. Not metaphorically young. Not comparatively young, but young enough so that this is a blip in your life and even résumé . Yes, indeed you can go back and start over.

OK, the only love advice my mother gave us was, “Never marry a foreigner”. Anyone can say the right things, but you need someone with your own core values. Also, never live with anyone before marriage. As you can see, you are helpless and beholden to them. Especially in another country when you have no money or job!! Right, lessons learned.

Please, this week, just concentrate on getting OUT. Go back home. Go back to your family, your parents, siblings, cousins, anyone. Have a good cry. Let them build you up. Begin again.

Blessings,

Inky

April 22, 2015 at 7:17 am #75665

I
Participant

Thank you Inky,
Thank you for the nerves to read (I know it’s a lot of text) and respond.
My problem is that I’m left with all this love in my chest and all this pain at the same time and I don’t know how to move on. How to let go of the feelings I still have for him. How to let go of the memories of what we were at the beginning and how to let go of all the hopes for a future with him.
I’m devastated to that level where I don’t see a point of life if it’s not with him.
I don’t want to move on. I want him to get a slap in the face and wake up and realize what is going on and make things right.
I know it sounds like “Lala Land” and actually is and this is my problem. I can’t seem to be able to gather forces and let go, move on.

Blessings to you,
I.

April 22, 2015 at 7:48 am #75666

Inky
Participant

Let’s deal with your broken heart when you are back home. That is where all your energies should be RIGHT NOW. Getting OUT, going HOME. Just get through that. Physical first, emotional later. Worst case scenario have a family member or an old friend fly out and get you.

Trust Me.

Best,

Inky

April 22, 2015 at 5:26 pm #75689

pamela
Participant

so sorry innnaaa for your pain. inky is very wise, every time i read a response from her to someone it resonates with me. I had a similar experience recently…after 5 years, we weren’t married, i see a picture online of him with his wife. he had been married 2 wks when i found out. i was with him without a clue..none..where did she come from, how long….endless questions endless pain. its been exactly 1 year now. for me it was a grieving process one i thought would never end. it has. i do still wonder why or how this happened. but it doesn’t matter it did and the bottom line for me is i came out of this much better than i thought. the pain the desperation will slowly go away even if you don’t feel it right now. you must remember and know you are so much better than he deserves. please hang in there…I’m not saying time heals all but time will soothe you and comfort you. every night when i ask blessings over the people in my life i include him. i do wish him the best and want him happy. truth is i believe he must live in pain and insecurity that i can’t understand or he wouldn’t treat anyone the way he treated me. this site has helped me immensely i check it every day. each moment each day will be a little better but there will also be times it will be like a wave and knock you down again. the good news is as time goes by the wave will become smaller and you will be able to withstand it. its a wonderful world and love and happiness will surround you in a way you never dreamed possible.

peace..
pjoy

April 22, 2015 at 10:30 pm #75707

NeverGiveUpHope
Participant

Oh girl, hang in there and take the advice above – GET OUT! You have been chasing this man because of what you hope it could be or think it might be. The reality of it is that it’s not making you happy. He is not giving you what you need and you have handed over your life and your happiness to him. From what I can tell you are an amazing smart woman with her entire life ahead of her. Please don’t give it up for someone that cannot commit to you and cannot be honest with you.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Recognize what is making you unhappy right now and create a plan for yourself to move towards the things that make you happy with yourself without this man. You have a chance to start fresh. Look at it an adventure. Right around the corner is something really amazing waiting for you. You just need to let go of this and move toward the good waiting.

April 24, 2015 at 6:09 pm #75769

Jas
Participant

Hi there,
It’s true,you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you.So please don’t beat yourself up for some one that’s not giving you what you need.Move on,and there might be something great waiting for you.So chin up girl.God bless.
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