Hello Name,

Have you tried talking to her? Asking her directly why she has changed? If she wants to be with that guy instead of you ? How long have you been together? Did she ever expressed feelings like love to you in the past? I personally also hate when people do that- they are technically with you, but slowly pushing you away and dragging what you had in the mud… One honest, even hurtful conversation, I think it’s better than months of ‘slow’ torture, cheating, and slowly and painfully drifting away. You know, as they say ‘a painful end is better than a pain without an end’…

You sound to me like you are sad and afraid to loose her, which is normal, depression is something more serious and I hope that it hasn’t spread it’s dark cloud over you… or her. Especially if she seems fine when she is around other people. When you are depressed, you don’t feel like talking to absolutely anyone, or getting out of bed.

And ask yourself what advice would you give to yourself if you were someone else, objectively observing the situation? I would say that maybe this seems hard now, but life is… life. Some relationships work out, some don’t, some go through rough patches. But I am sure you’d say to yourself you deserve better than a girlfriend who is flirting with your friend, and is not honest with you.

I wish you all the best, forgive me if I was to judgmental, I still don’t know what your girlfriend is going through… But I hope that whatever happens will work out for the best, and will be inspired by love (toward yourself also), not by fear…..

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Maria_L.

Hey Name,
Thank you for coming up here and sharing some portion of what is moving you. Maybe you can make it more specific, as Matty has asked.
Be assured that you deserve being taken care of! Take good care of yourself
Please write some more,

Mathilda

Dear Name:

Glad you posted again. It’s been a while. I am sorry you are distressed. Hope your situation improves and that you feel better soon.

anita

@Name
Well, i guess the first thing to do is to talk to her about the future of your relationship. Then based on her responses go from there. If she is no longer ‘in love’ with you, then there is not much you can do to change her opinion. Maybe she isn’t into you like before. It will most likely be tough, the fact that she may want to move on, but if it’s a one sided relationship, and you are doing your best to appease her, your not really an equal member of the outfit. No matter what you do, you won’t be respected, cherished nor gain anything from her if she is not as invested in the relationship as you are. When you speak to her, try not to make ultimatiuums, like “I want you to do X, Y and Z”, instead try to discuss the future, what you want from the relationship and whether or not she sees you in her own future.

If you have more to add, please keep writing 🙂
MAtty

I’m sorry, that sounds really hard. If you haven’t been talking….why not? Are you not talking as well? Sometimes we think we know what’s going on, but if we don’t ask the other person, we may find out that we don’t have the full picture. It sounds like you two need to sit down and really talk about all of this. Tell her what you told us – about how you feel she’s not interested, etc. If she isn’t, than it’ll hurt, but you’ll be able to move on. If she is and something else is causing her to withdraw, feel scared, etc, this information might actually help you regain some intimacy that was lost. Relationships do take both people working on communication and openness; it’s not one person’s job to be open. I know it can be scary to have these talks, but it’s necessary to understand what’s happening. I wish you all the best!

I just read your last comment. I understand how you might have shut down because you weren’t getting any response from her. That’s so painful. But if you’re asking and she’s not responding, then she may just not be the partner for you. You have a right to understand where she is in her head regarding the relationship.