Hi imissandyssngbf,

We always romanticize crappy parts of our life. (“Remember that charming moldy apartment in the bad neighborhood with the lovely eccentric alcoholic screamer down the hall? Those were the days!”)

Listen, he was NOT the love of your life if you emotionally abused him and pushed him away. Nor were you even happy.

Of course, you have to change your bad habits. But even if you weren’t mean to him you would not have been as happy as you let on.

And YES, you will find someone else. And treat them with respect no matter how long the relationship lasts.

Best,

Inky

Dear imissandyssngbf:

You made your long story too short to see much of anything. You wrote that you emotionally bullied your ex boyfriend? How did you bully him; what did you do to him?

anita

Dear imissandyssngbf:

You wrote that your ex boyfriend was your superior although you treated him as an inferior. Maybe his behavior toward you was superior to yours, but his person is as worthy as you, not more and not less.

The words you told him were very abusive. Too bad.

I hope you learned to not talk that way to anyone again, no matter how you feel, how angry you feel. Control yourself.

When you texted him since the breakup, how has he responded?

anita

Dear imissandyssngbf:

Is there a chance that you will get back together with him (in a mutually loving and respectful way this time)?

Is that what you are trying to do, texting him? What is his position on a relationship with you?

I don’t know if it is a good idea but if you’d like to share and examine this further, please do.

anita

Dear imissandyssngbf:

If you learned your lesson, you might be a better match for him now than another woman who is yet to learn this lesson. Your verbal abuse of him was harsh and there are lots of women who abuse their men, verbally, in less harsh sounding, less overt ways, suggesting indirectly, for example, that the man is a freak but not using the word, like you have.

Neither kind of abuse is good, all abuse is bad. What I am saying is that other women out there are abusive, and many in less overt but yet damaging ways. And it is better for him to get together with a past abuser who has learned her lesson than with a woman yet to learn.

anita

Dear imissandyssngbf:

You are welcome. I hope you do indeed continue to heal from what motivated you to abuse him then. I like your attitude from what I read in your posts- humble and not selfish. I like it. Post anytime.

anita