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I was told I’ve been Betrayed

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  • December 25, 2017 at 5:36 am #183503
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Heretofloat:

    You are welcome and thank you for your good wishes.

    Your sentences: “sometimes I wish I wasn’t an empathetic person or nice… Your own loved ones end up taking advantage of you”- are meaningful to me. When a loved one takes advantage of your empathy for him (or her), using your empathy for him so to mistreat you, he may be a loved one but not a loving one.

    And then, of course, better not love a person who mistreats you. How to do that? Get to know him, over time. Ask questions, don’t assume much. Ask simple questions, gently, so to encourage honest answers.

    anita

    February 7, 2018 at 12:11 pm #191313
    Heretofloat
    Participant

    He got married right after 4 weeks 🙂 what a closure… pictures streamed on newsfeed from third parties. Oh and the vows… heh!

    Two different people tied the knot, calling it a fairytale. The girl even wrote “you made me believe in love” ah!

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Heretofloat.
    February 7, 2018 at 12:31 pm #191317
    Mark
    Participant

    Heretofloat,

    I hope you are no longer at rock bottom.  If you are then recognize that you are still alive, that you are still carrying on, living life and talking with us.

    I can relate about being hit by losses.  It does take time to grieve and heal.

    If you can let go dwelling on the past and beating yourself about it then moving on will be quicker.

    Focus on what nurtures you for today.

    Mark

     

    February 7, 2018 at 12:45 pm #191323
    Heretofloat
    Participant

    Thanks Mark. I’m trying… I don’t know if mingling on and off with friends or getting back to the gym counts but if yes then I’m trying.

    Pictures will hurt, and I’ll miss the warmth I once received but I’ll go on.

    My self esteem’s hurt… confidence a little shattered… want to get in the best shape of my life physically so I feel prettier and happy mentally. Somehow… even waking up in the morning is tiring and needs effort so I sleep more sometimes but I want to fix myself even if I find no purpose yet. Not many desires at the moment… many “don’t feel like it” moments. Also thoughts of “look how someone who wronged you is happy”. Missing my chirpy side (this one isn’t in my control, I think that comes naturally) but I’m trying to eat healthy and trying to be regular back again with my gym routine. Really want a fittest me. And I want to forget him as now I think of a couple and not just one person etc etc.  I want out.

    February 7, 2018 at 12:47 pm #191325
    Heretofloat
    Participant

    If others are happy then why am I sulking. Pray I stop this and indulge in extreme self love.

    February 7, 2018 at 12:56 pm #191327
    Mark
    Participant

    Heretofloat.  I hear you about sulking.  I think as you heal that will go away.  I understand about the self-esteem and confidence thing as well.  I also use exercise as my go-to thing to forget/let go/heal/feel better about myself/distract.  I feel that I am in the best shape of my life after my divorce.  I don’t have a romantic partner but know that I am fit to be attractive.  Eating healthy not only helps you physically but also mentally.  It’s the mind-body-spirit connection thingy.

    I can also relate about waking up in the morning depression thing as well as missing my chirpy side.

    I view laughing out loud as my psychological and spiritual barometer.  If I noticed that I had not laugh lately then I start focusing on how I can laugh and find joy.

    Let me know how you progress.

    Mark

    February 7, 2018 at 1:14 pm #191333
    Heretofloat
    Participant

    It’s just that now I feel lost. Not just cuz of him but over all after facing different traumas in 2017 and this being the big trigger… as this relationship kept me in a happy zone where I’ll still be of help for others. Now I just want to be able to help myself and even that isn’t easy.  Need to know how to get out of self pity – better than the first month though but still – their marriage felt like a slap, made me laugh and cry both. Lol

    i realised I can relate with the symbol of a Phoenix that rises from the ashes stronger than before but duh! It’s not like I’ll rise to MT EVEREST. Also strength makes one bitter as well… I can react strongly to things sometimes, I think it’s the anger within. At the same time I can pretend well in front of friends.  Don’t want to take life so seriously.

    For laughter I guess I should watch comedy movies but even there love and romance is involved which makes me think of what’s missing from my life.

    Now looking for settlement can’t be ones purpose of life… can it? Lost indeed. Anyway gotten through much worse so this too shall pass. Just that “chirpy” side. 🙂

    just blabbing before I close my eyes to sleep.

    Thanks for listening Mark. You do look in the best shape of your life btw standing next to your bike 😉

    February 7, 2018 at 2:30 pm #191353
    Mark
    Participant

    Yikes thanks for that Heretofloat.  blush.  I forgot I got that photo displaying for my posts.

    I know that laughter helps us not only psychologically but biochemically as well.  I think you cannot go wrong with watching comedies.

    It sounds like you got a strong, positive attitude Heretofloat even though you are currently feeling lost.  You can hold on that this too will pass.

    Yes sleep is key to help the body-mind to heal.

    Sending a giggle.

    Mark

     

    February 8, 2018 at 10:07 am #191489
    Mark
    Participant

    Heretofloat,

    What came to mind as I was re-reading your posts was that even though I admire your stubborn focus on being positive, I think it may be OK to let go and don’t feel that you have to be so strong and positive.  It is scary and debilitating to sink into that depression and lack of purpose but it may be what you need in a strange way.  To be OK with what is with you at the moment.

    My sense is that you are strong enough not to crash and burn and to have an awareness to take care of yourself while you are feeling that.

    Take what I said with a big grain of salt but just wanted to share another approach.

    Mark

    February 12, 2018 at 7:13 am #192013
    Heretofloat
    Participant

    Yes, you can be right. But then I feel guilty of letting go & feeling how I’m feeling. I am not able to push myself hard enough to hit the gym everyday which is only harmful for me while others are happy. So there are days when I’m just home, now tomorrow hopefully I’ll exercise. Just an example.

    It’s just stupid how you feel – you just feel angry at yourself.

    February 12, 2018 at 7:26 am #192015
    Heretofloat
    Participant

    Tell me

    Please tell me, how does it feel to watch someone you bonded with turn into a stranger in a blink of an eye. And then how does it feel to find out that they married another person right after only mere four weeks of ending a relationship. Also tell me, how would then it make her feel when she bumped into social media videos of them walking down the red carpet together for their reception? All this – and then the other traumas one must have went through… still you try to be fine. But oh in that process, breaking news over another breaking news… doesn’t it just spoil your moving on game?
    And then it feels terrible, you feel angry at yourself for letting someone in when they wanted, feeling the feel of betrayal, big time. All these feelings, you think of revenge, how if ever karma strikes or not as you see them happy and only you are sulking. Strange. And then also moments when you soften up and think of that person in a mellow way until you feel somewhat angry again, numb then tears flowing down your eyes, those moments too… without a sound. Then this tightening of your chest… the void you feel, fearing no one else will be able to fill it again. And your walls high up! All this… it’s a terrible feeling, wouldn’t wish this for anyone. And your chirpiness all gone, you being the quiet one among your friends.

    “Tears are alright, they are the price we pay for love, care and compassion.”

    From my notes

    February 12, 2018 at 10:08 am #192053
    Mark
    Participant

    Yes I can relate  Heretofloat.  The feeling when someone dumps you and then moves quickly onto another relationship (a marriage in fact!) can feel like a stab in the heart.  Plus wanting to get even thoughts are there as well, wishing him the suffering you are feeling is natural in a way.

    It would be easier to move on if you don’t have any access to what is going in his life, e.g. social media, etc.

    Good for you for making the attempt(s) for the gym Hertofloat.  On the days you are not plain up to it, just try doing a walk around the block.  Just move your body and get out into the world.

    Hugs and love to you for your suffering.

    Mark

     

     

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