Hey everyone

I’m an 18 years old girl and I’m totally lost!
I know it’s really young, but I can’t deny the feeling. Last year I was a senior in higshcool and I watched all my friends applying to college to programs they really liked. I didn’t know what I wanted to do or wasn’t sure about it anyway. So I went to a college where they give you classes in every field possible (note that I live in Montreal and colleges here are not university but an ‘in-between’). So far I studied sciences, arts, social sciences, history, maths and more… I can’t say I like my program because I feel like I’m going nowhere while my friends are in architecture, graphism, science etc and have a plan. I went through all possible careers in my head and none, none interests me!! I’ve been taking hundreds of tests, went to career counselors, asked my friends what I’m good at, asked my family. They all said I was more of a creative girl and I do think I’m more artistic than let’s say science-y. So I started to believe maybe being an art director would be good for me. I have the opportunity to change to an art school which is just 10 minutes from my house and it would help me a lot with my portfolio. If I go there I’ll have a great portfolio. If I don’t I’ll have to try my best to make a good one better than the ones thats studied arts for 2 years, I’ll have to be self thaught. But I’not confident i’ll be able…and I’m scared. I’m scared it might not be for me. They say you know you want to go in arts when all you do is drawing all day…. I don’t. I don’t always draw. And the fact that I’ll be surrounded with people that knew since they were 8 they were going in arts kind of make me feel like I have no rights to have the same dream they have. I know it’s stupid…

My parents are putting pressure for me to know what I want to do right away because my oldest brother is 29 and he dropped out of university 4 years ago because he didn’t like what he was studying and he still doesn’t know. They are sure I’m going to do the same thing. They say I can do whatever I want, so when I said maybe I wanted to change my program to go in arts, they stayed silence for a while, then they asked what could I do with that. Can I be sure I’ll get a job right after I get my degree, will I be able to really earn money from that? Finally they just told me to stay where I am because my current program opens every possible courses in university if I get good grades. My friends on the other side told me to give up, because they believe if I really wanted to go in arts I wouldn’t be hesitating at all to go to that school. But I’m scared I’ll be mising something if I go. But what if I’m missing something if I don’t go?

I’m just so lost. I have no motivations anymore in school. I don’t care if I fail some exams. I want to stay home and do nothing. I mean, if going in arts isn’t for me what is? I don’t want to study science, nor maths, nor social sciences. I thought I’ve finally found what I was going to do, what I really love but the fact that everything is so unsure freaks me out. I want time to stop for a while, I don’t think I’ll be able to find my answer with all the stress I’m going through right now. I want to catch my breath, I’m tired of watching life going so fast!! Taking a gap year is not a possibility for me. The funniest part was I was so happy during my winter break, I got to know myself better but the moment school started again 2 weeks ago here I am freaking out. I’m starting to think I should just go for any jobs. Sometimes I just feel like doing whatever people tells me to do.

How can I know something is really for me? I hesitate so much it makes me think maybe it’s true it’s not for me. I’m so tired I don’t want to do anything anymore…
How can artisitc people make the difference between doing it for a living or just or a hobby?
I could go on and on and explain more, I hope I’m still pretty clear because it’s late and tomorrow I have school (again…no motivation)

Any advice?