Re-submitting the last part (trying to clear text of excess print):

– here is something that can help from  Cleveland clinic. org/Peter Pan Syndrome May Have You Saying, ‘I Don’t Want To Grow Up’: “… for some, growing up seems near impossible — so much so, that their immaturity can ruin relationships… Growing up is particularly difficult for people who have what’s popularly known as Peter Pan syndrome… Peter Pan syndrome (PPS), while not a recognized diagnosis, is a popular psychology term used to describe an adult who has difficulty growing up. The term is derived from the fictional character of Peter Pan, a magical boy who never grows old… ‘Much like Peter Pan, these individuals experience a failure to launch or a refusal to grow up… There’s sort of an egocentric nature to them…

“people with PPS will often seek out others who have what’s called Wendy syndrome. Named after… Peter Pan’s friend, Wendy syndrome also isn’t an official diagnosis, but a popular psychology term used to describe an adult who is empathetic, nurturing and even self-sacrificing…. people who are highly nurturing and want to be of service to others…

“In the beginning, it’s a match made in heaven. You have someone with PPS who’s really fun and charismatic that draws this other person in, and the person who has Wendy syndrome is able to be there for them, support them and offer suggestions to try to better them. But the problem is that it eventually backfires, and the person with Wendy syndrome inevitably starts to feel taken advantage of… With the Peter Pan and Wendy syndromes, the relationship ultimately falls apart when both people are at odds with each other’s behaviors.

“People with Wendy syndrome tend to experience emotional burnout because they’re constantly feeling like they’re giving and giving and not getting anything in return… At the same time, people with PPS may feel that their partner is controlling, trying to change them… As people with PPS have difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries, they’ll often jump from one person or relationship to the next in search of people who enable their behaviors…

”For people with Peter Pan syndrome, their distress tolerance is very low, which leads them to avoid certain situations because there’s this tendency to not be able to hold onto or tolerate these more difficult feelings… When conflicts arise or the person who has PPS is confronted about their lack of maturity, even having a healthy, productive conversation may prove to be difficult… Without being able to tolerate distress, it’s really hard to hear any criticism and therefore it becomes really difficult to have mature conflict resolution…

”Like most things related to psychology, the characteristics of Peter Pan syndrome exist on a spectrum, and what’s problematic for some may not be problematic for others… For therapy to work, they need to be willing to recognize and discuss what changes they want for their life and the cost of continuing if they do not make these changes… Often, at the core of entitled and self-centered behavior is very low self-esteem… Therapy can help people improve their self-esteem…

”And often, the core of therapy sessions revolves around increasing one’s distress tolerance… What often happens with people who have a low distress tolerance is that the minute something uncomfortable bubbles up, they push it away. They’re not even really knowing what they’re feeling… So, we start by naming our feelings…  asking yourself questions like: What are you feeling right now? Can you locate in your body where you’re feeling it?… Making space for feelings is challenging for many people because they’re used to pushing them away or distracting themselves from difficult emotions… it’s about staying with that feeling and trying to give it more life as opposed to fleeing from it or avoiding it. By doing this, you’re building that distress tolerance”.

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anita