Hi Sparkle,

I just read your other thread where you said the following:

Right from the start of our relationship I’ve had a problem very insecure about other women. Whether I would lose him to someone else. The last month we have started to fight verbally about it. He tells me if I just control worrying about other women it will be fine between us.

Those fights and your worries alone will cause someone to doubt you, especially if he, himself, hasn’t given you any reason not to trust him (for example, if you don’t have any evidence that he is interested in any other woman and it’s likely more fear/insecurity on your part). If you’ve been fighting about this a lot lately, it’s likely going to make him feel like you are incapable of trusting him, and if he is trustworthy, he will not want to be with someone who can’t trust him.

Also, lots of people who are jealous feel this way because they are doing things they shouldn’t be and they are afraid their partner is doing the same…. I’m definitely NOT saying you’re doing things you shouldn’t be, but that’s a concern that people have when their partner starts to get jealous when they don’t deserve it. In other words, he may he having doubts that you’re trustworthy because you don’t trust him.

So…. if your guy is trustworthy and if this is something that is coming from your own fears and insecurities, the best way to deal with this is to do some soul searching and figure out why you’re feeling this way. Challenge those feelings, thoughts, and beliefs on this that you have. Change the way you think. It’s good to be cautious when you’re first getting to know someone, but once you learn someone can be trusted (which you should always do BEFORE you enter into a relationship with the person), you have to be able to give them that trust. If you feel you can’t trust them, you definitely shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.

And most of all, remember that everyone is different. Your current partner is not your previous partner. Just because things may have happened one way in the past or might have some familiarity to your current situation, that doesn’t mean that’s what’s going on now. Our minds like to connect things and think all these fearful thoughts as a way to protect ourselves from feeling pain, but instead we end up self-sabotaging great things.

So remember: The past can warn us not to make the same mistakes in the future, but it cannot predict the future.