Hello everyone. So, to create a timeline i’m going to overview events that have happened between me and my mom and how they affected me.

To begin with, my uncle hated me. He was always saying bad things about me to my mother when i was a little girl and my mom never stood up for me. Once, i behaved really really bad(it was my fault i know it) and he said in front of everyone that if someone sold me in Marrakech no one would pay even two dogs (i dont know if this makes sense, sorry im not english). My mom stayed silent. Years after that i asked her why she never said anything and she told me that she didnt want to argue in front of my grandmother.

Okay, now in high school. I was bullied. Two guys of my class were calling me frog, even on the internet (not directly to me but i knew it was me). My friends started ignoring me and i ended up with no friends. My mom has had depression several times and i cant remember if she was suffering one at that time but no one stood up for me, even if i told them that people were laughing at me and i was alone and crying all the time. I forgive my dad because he admitted he was wrong. But she says that bullying makes people strong and that suff. During that time where i was being bullied, i told my parents that i wanted to go to another school and they said that it was hard to change during the school year, i said it was okay that i could go to another school next year. They told me again that it was difficult. It wasnt. The only thing they had to do was to search for information. So i stayed in that school until i decided to leave for the last two years. So adolescence was pretty hard. When i went to another high school, i had a rough time and my parents took me to a therapist. I was sad all the time but i ended up overcoming it. First year of college was the worst year i’ve ever had. I started developing OCD, i wasnt happy with my career and my boyfriend broke up with me. With another therapist (the first one was horrible), i overcame it all again.

So now i am happy but i still have my days because i have a tendency to be a little depressed sometimes. When that happens, my mom throws it all on my face. She says that i made them suffer a lot during those years where i had a bad time and that im never happy. She makes me feel really bad when she does that. She thinks she is always right and you cant talk with her because she never looks at you or simply doesnt answer so things only make up when you say you’re sorry and you admit you’re wrong even if you were right. She always brings up the fact that she had a rough childhood and that i shoul be thankful for everything i have to make me feel bad.

During these months, when i go home during the weekends, she barely talks to me. When i talk to her, she barely listens to me, she looks at her phone or plays candy crush. She never hugs me. I have problems of self steem and she always thinks that my problems arent real.

The time she told me that bullying is to make people strong i said enough. I said all the things i think about her, that she is selfish, that se likes to bring up her childhood to say that other people cant have problems and she is the only one entitled to feel bad, that she never hugs me or talks to me without me talking to her first. I ended up saying that from that day i didnt have a mother. Maybe i was angry and i shouldnt have said that but she answered that i had poison on my mouth and we havent spoke since that. I ignore her and she ignores me.

I feel bad because my dad is also suffering to see us fighting but i just cant anymore. I cant say she’s the worst mother of all time but she never stood up for me.

I also feel bad because i dont know if im entitled to feel bad. I could forgive her if she admitted she was wrong but she said that she’s not gonna say she’s sorry and is not going to change.

I feel very sad and feel like crying all the time.