Hi Katie,

Before you go jumping to conclusions, give her a little time to reply. She could be ill, her phone could need charging, she could be busy or on holiday, or simply with another friend. She could even be in an abusive relationship and not able to reply, just like you were…

She might not be ignoring you, but simply hasn’t had the time to reply yet.

I hope that eventually you can get back together and be friends again.

Best wishes,

Jay

Hi Katie,

Didn’t you write that she had texted you asking if you could continue being friends… and you ignored her?

The girl made one mistake and everyone dropped her. Even, seemingly, you.

Some time has passed, but she could still be very defensive and feels judged by the world. She also associates you with that group, her mistake, and that time in her life. Her distance is her giving herself a little bit of dignity.

Give it time.

Best,

Inky

Katie, I read your entire post very quickly, so I might have misunderstood, but it seems that you never got round to telling her that your abusive relationship was the reason that you couldn’t reach out to her? I understand this may be something that you find difficult to talk about, but I think that if your friend had been very disappointed and hurt by you, but she found out that the reason was because you were in a very difficult bind yourself, she would be much more understanding and forgiving.

If she still doesn’t respond to you for some days after today, and you’re really bothered about it and worried that she is still angry with you, then I think that if you can bring yourself to share about your abusive relationship with her, that could help to break down the distance she has created between the both of you. There is nothing shameful about being trapped in an abusive relationship. Never let anyone shame you or call you weak for that. You got out of the relationship. You’re a survivor and you should be proud of that.

Alternatively, you could tell her that you faced some personal challenges that kept you away from your social life and if she’d accept your friendship again, you will tell her about it in time. If she is a very good friend, I think you could trust her with this.

I wish you the best and hope you can reconcile with your friend. I am in a similar situation myself. I distanced myself from my best friend because of my depression and low self-esteem, and she is angry with me because she felt that I was not there for her when she needed me, when the truth is I felt inadequate for her which is why I kept away. I explained to her the first time but she didn’t accept it, because I wasn’t completely honest due to not even being able to understand myself back then. I am thinking of reaching out to her again.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by lostcatlady.