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I need peace in this relationship

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  • #58527
    Darlene
    Participant

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have been best friends before that but in these few years I’ve been holding on to anger that I thought I was over with and now it is effecting my relationship. My story is he cheated on me and had a child with the girl while we were still together. I knew it will haunt me if I didn’t forgive him because not only he was best friend, he was my first love, and this is my first relationship. I am now living with him and we are having trouble with communication because I can’t trust him and I am very angry. I love him deeply and I know he loves me because he wouldn’t do the good things he does for me. The problem is not him, the problem is I don’t have no peace in this relationship because of me. I am to a breaking point and I cannot find the help I need anywhere. I am desperate because I know we can work, I just need to communicate without getting angry, annoyed, irritated, and frustrated over every little thing he says and does.

    #58543
    elet
    Participant

    The truth of the matter is that he broke your trust. This fact does not change. You also may have an anger problem, and this is a secondary issue. When we feel sad and insecure, we tend to feel angry as well. So, there are a couple of things to be resolved in this situation on my point of view.
    To gain trust is not that easy but it is easy to lose trust. Try to talk to him, and understand why he did what he did. Try to search in your heart a place of forgiveness, because in the end nobody is perfect. If you do believe that he will not do it again, and that the relationship worth you time and emotional investment keep it. Try to think with objectivity, write the good and the bad points on a piece of paper.
    Anger does not solve anything. It is uncontrolled and negative. It hurts you and does not solve anything. Try meditation, relaxation and control your breathing. Sadness and insecurity may cause anger. He did not cheat on you, he cheated on him, on a relationship. He would have done it with anyone. Love yourself before loving him. You will always have yourself to count on.
    He does not help you, he makes you angry/sad and so on. Invest on you more than on him. Read some self-help books.

    #58580
    Mcriz
    Participant

    Darlene hi.. You know what I can totally relate to your story.
    Give time to think if you will be hurt deeply then learn to LET GO.

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