I have difficulty enjoying myself with everyone as well. It is not just that I have difficulty sharing my mind with people, I have difficulty even enjoying myself in a group. I become awkward and I notice that people avoid my company as they feel I am too serious.

I wanted to highlight this as another issue of mine which I feel I need to change in order to feel lighter at heart.

Perhaps,

I don’t remember very clearly, but we met once a year or twice a year… so 6 times in 3 years perhaps

With the recent one, it was more difficult although the distance was lesser than before because our situation was so weird, we were so on and off, so the gaps were bigger. We met in Oct 2018 then 2019 September then February 2021.

I know you will say it wasn’t a relationship since we didn’t meet like normal couples.

But this is what both of us wanted, a chance to be able to spend time together like normal couples. But the pandemic took away the chance.

I think he didn’t want me to know that he joined the forum and perhaps this is why he changed his username.

It’s very very difficult for him to talk about his issues with anyone. He doesn’t have me currently so maybe he thought talking here would help but I think for someone already facing low self-esteem issues, reading on my thread that he was the main problem, He was the one with all major issues might have felt like an attack. I can say this because I know how long it took for him to state a basic issue in his life.

I feel it is easier for us women to share our mind than men and if they lose hope for whatever reason that they cannot be helped, then it is like sentencing them in their mental prison.

I will still however not reach out to him.

If However, you are reading this. Please talk to Anita, share your entire story. If you don’t feel comfortable with me being on the forum. I will not open the website for the next few days, but I want you to not keep that pain in you. What is the worst that could happen? A stranger on the internet would tell you that you have issues, don’t you already know that? Didn’t you want to work on them and so decided to seek opinion and help here? Don’t give up on you. The people here are harmless, if you don’t help yourself then there will be a lot who take advantage of you all the time. And no you are not the problem, nobody can clap with just one hand, we require two hands. A happy relationship needs two people and a bad one also needs two to ruin it. I have major problems. Give up that fear. Nobody knows you. Talk. And don’t give up till you start understanding your mind a little better. Be honest about all questions and be patient.

I made a decision to work on myself and move on and although the urge to help him is quite strong but I know it will not suddenly bring me a happy relationship. Even in the past, whenever I chose to be in contact with him when he needed any help, I never was expecting something in return. Because whatever was there in the relationship front, I felt we were very good friends.

Especially when we spent the week together in February, we spent a good time together- we enjoyed ourselves, we talked well about all issues, we discussed about the future and we made a decision to meet often and work on our bond together. I said I would come to see him on his birthday in March and he agreed. He didn’t even want to leave. Although his issue staying was that he knew nobody but me in the city so when I went to work and he worked from home, he felt weird and said that all his insecurities would rush back in till I came home in the evening.

Anyways after he left, maybe his fears changed his mind again. He told me he felt I will be too attached to him if I go to see him in his city.

It’s been difficult to trust but that incident made me lose hope as well.

I made a decision then that this is it. I told him I was leaving and he agreed at first but then he asked me not to end it and that he will see a therapist to know why he is behaving this way and why he is so afraid of marriage. When one is in love, they feel really optimistic about everything. I felt like yeah he is trying, let me stick around for some more time.

He did go to the therapist but he didn’t find much help.

At home, nobody is asking for my consent anymore. They didn’t ask if my relationship with him ended or not, they are like since the choice was between my sister and this unknown man… Obviously our daughter will choose her sister and so they started telling me about different boys suitable for arrange marriage.

I told him and at first he gave his usual replies about how confused he felt but then I think he gave up too. He said meet them and if you like any of them, marry that person.

So, I am not going back. I have understood that nothing is going to change. But he doesn’t want to.

I don’t know why there is this complex in Indian society that if a man changes himself for a woman then he is weak, a wussy because acc. To the society, it means he loves the girl more than she loves him and that is not good as the girl will be dominant on the guy’s family.

In India, you don’t marry a person. You marry families. When you choose a guy, you choose his mom and dad and if his grown up siblings live under the same roof then even them. So, it is never just between a girl and a boy.

I so wished him to be the person I end up with. Reason was not any dependency, but the friendship we share… We think alike, we have same sense of humor, same temperament for people, enjoy similar things and adjust easily to things.

But we have lived together for a very less time and you never know what things would happen if we do.

I am taking care and will be okay. I have a lot to work on.