Hi Drea,

It sounds like you’re doing everything right with deleting him from your phone and social media as well as wisely giving him space. Yes, give him a chance to miss you! The worst thing people can do after an unwanted breakup is contact the person. That often solidifies their decision, the opposite effect of what they want!

I predict (this happened to me) he will contact you. It may be in a few weeks or months (to see how you “are”). Or years later when they’re not so busy with their business/career (when they realize that without someone by their side what was even the point?).

And when he contacts you again (I said “when” not “if”. He will! I promise!) don’t be so quick to answer him back. Give it few days. And hopefully by then you can truthfully tell him “I’ve met someone”.

Time heals,

Inky

Dear Drea:

You wrote: “He always brought out the best in me and taught me so much. He’s always been supportive, always put me first and always encouraged me to be a better person.”-

If this is what he has done for much of the four years, that took a lot of his time and dedication, and therefore it makes sense why he decided that he “needs to focus (his time and dedication) on his business/ career path”-

Reads to me that he is a good man who has been very loving, very generous with you. If there was a way- in the context of a relationship with you- for him to receive more, so that it is more of a Win for him (as well as for you, as in a Win-Win relationship), then maybe he would have stayed in it…?

anita

Hello Drea, well I am in australia and had to sign up to answer you. It is 0321 in the am…. I have awoken from a dream where I was with my ex on a mountain hill surrounded by trees and a crack boom and trees started to come down, one here one there, One ended up coming down on a mountain type retreat house. Felt instantly alone, sad, she is not here to touch….no one is.

It has been less than a month since she told me of another and two weeks since I moved out and am sitting on my bed in a room in a strangers house after having just found this site and your message.  I have read much Buddhist and comparative religion etc from the time of splitting.

In fact when told and the subsequent splitting up moving and now financial work through I have stayed calm and emotionally removed as I could be. Totally accepting that all things move and change. I would not get back with her if that was possible…and believe me there is pain I am no spock….but acceptance and the pity/disbelief I have is mindful empathy and a love towards her….not for her.

As I said…I woke missing her so this is my mind working through things. Thursday just past dreams was two dreams waking up from where I was scrambling up muddy banks.

Belive me she has moved on and in quick time….I was not an asshole in this 6 year relationship and was blindsided. In fact we have a 3 day cruise with her daughter and son inend april – easter that I am still going on….how do I do that ……

Guess I have stumbled onto something bigger than both of us!!!!!!

But Drea it is hard – or why would I be awake writing this.

Much love and start to read the many great texts out there….I do suggest the book Buddhism for breakups by Meshel Laurie…a great aussie comic who writes this really helpful and relevant guide …..

Much love and best wishes on OUR shared journey in life.

I am not really a supporter of begging a partner to be a relationship or trying to get a partner to stay who wants to leave.  If you do, you might regret it. If he wants to walk away let him do. Most time we dont know what we have until it is gone.

Be calm… just be calm.  Engage your mind. If i may ask what was real reason for the break up. The reason you stated is too light for a four years relationship

Dear Drea,

You won’t do anything to get him back, or even think about such a thing because you love yourself more than anything in this world and you value the life we have been gifted by God!

Stay Blessed!