Dear Lilo,

I and my boyfriend are really going well now. It has been 4 months since I had that experience. I am so glad that I made it through without losing the man I really love. Although I still experience that uncertain feeling from time to time (the last one was in the first week of January), I communicate with my boyfriend every time I experience it. I communicate with him the thoughts I have and we resolve it together. Also, I’ve always decided to choose to love whatever emotions I have at the moment which become a lot of help in our relationship.

I hope my reply helps you. And please do not be too hard on yourself (because I did) and take your time to understand what you truly feel.

Micky,

To honor Jaz’s posting, please create another post for yourself and your question so we can address what is going on directly to you rather than hijacking Jaz’s posting.

Mark

I experience the same thing nowadays. It’s been 2 weeks since we got together but I feel tired of him, already. I started this with so much passion and love for him and I still want him to be happy. He’s so nice and worth everything. I don’t know what to do. I’ll leave it to time for now but I’m confused and I hate myself because of those thoughts.

Hello everyone I’ve found this forum and it’s really given me comfort because I thought I was the only one and idk how active it still is but I really wanted to share my story and how I felt and what happened to me, so I’m young only 16 and I’ve been dating this amazing boy for a year and a half everything is great he recently started going to this school for away that he lived at but still in high school and he’d always come home once a month every time I’d be more than excited to see him. Everything was fine we did argue quite a bit but I feel like it’s kind of normal for teens and they were usually stupid and then we’d go back to loving each other like always. Recently something strange happened I think I have bad anxiety but I’m not sure when I took my drivers test the night before I couldn’t sleep I would throw up and shake because of how nervous I was and idk why. My dad did do some things nothing physical more emotional for me that I think could be playing out now in my relationship I went to a therapist once not much clarity for me. Recently he’s gotten a new girlfriend and he took me my boyfriend and his girlfriend to a trip to Disney. This was my third time kind of meeting her and she never really starts any conversations or anything, but I was extremely excited My boyfriend and I cuddled all the way down to Florida and were really happy and goofy played some games. And the next day went to Disney had funny got a little annoyed with each other at somet points but I assumed because it was hot and we were exhausted and I was hangry. Once we got back we made a poppincookin had lots and lots of fun. And he wanted to cuddle and I love cuddling but I just wasn’t in the mood idk why I just didn’t really want to be held. Next day went to Disney kind of same thing got a little annoyed but it was nothing crazy bad still had lots of fun. But I was being a little distant not wanting to cuddle too much and was a little moody and I didn’t think much of it until that night He wanted to cuddle and I was like no please get out of my bed I’m not in the mood and he was really upset. And I got in bed and then he got in his and asked me “Do you even care about me anymore?” And that’s when it all started. I didn’t know what to say I was like do I care? Why am I kind of being distant? Do I love him? And I was like yeah I do but I didn’t really know and idk why I could be so happy with him (mostly) for the trip and otw down to Disney and then feel like this. Then everything was quite for a bit and I just still felt like I needed to talk so we kind of talked and he got next to me and right when he got near me my heart was pounding fast not in a good way and I was shaking and my hands were tingly and I had a sudden urge to throw up and I immediately went to the bathroom and barfed. I felt calm and better once I threw up but we started talking again and I was telling him how sometimes I don’t want be held and Idk why and sometimes I love you more than others and I think that’s normal to want to put up with someone and then not want to sometimes? And we kept talking and I threw up two more times then I finally felt content and he was really supportive and I was like crying and saying how handsome I still think he is and I was able to kiss him and feel good about it and it calmed me and then I kissed his arm and I said ily and then we went to bed. But immediately when I woke up I was starving but had no appetite and my heart started racing and that was the day we were going home and I couldn’t get near him or touch him or anything so he packed for me and sat distant from me in the car and my dad texted and asked if everything was ok and i told him what happened while I’m the car on text and he told me not to overthink things and that just made me feel so much better and idk why and I wanted to play games with my boyfriend and we did and then we held hands and when we stopped for lunch I could hold his hand and felt happy and lay my legs in his lap and also I could eat and felt content. Then a couple hours later I started getting the feeling again and it was when we were dropping my dads girlfriend off idk if it has any correlation all I wanted to was talk to my mom. So I had to drive my boyfriend home and I was able to laugh at rings he said and he could but his hand on my thigh with out me getting those bad feelings again and I started crying because I was happy I wasn’t getting those terrible feelings we kissed once said ily and laughed a couple more times and he went home. Right when I got home I cried and told my mom everything and I wasn’t like wonder if I don’t love him anymore blah blah and I’m just suppressing the feelings and they’re all coming up and I was freaking out again and she was like I don’t think that’s it and then he called me and we talked a little a laughed a good bit and he just wanted to make sure I was ok and got home safe. Fast forward to next day I was alone and was in my own head and my heart just was beating and it was a terrible feeling and I was hungry couldn’t eat then my mom came home and everything subsided and at night I was snapping him and everything was ok and now it’s today. Feelings have been a lot better only a little bit of my heart beating and I used to be scared if I saw him I’d get those terrible feelings and now I’m not worried about that anymore I’m worried that if I see him and kiss him or if he holds me i won’t feel anything at all like no feelings of comfort or love. And that worries me the most because I stg I love everything about this boy and I know I’m young and what not but I can’t imagine this summer with out him it was just be so dull I feel like but I’m just not sure if I still love him I love him but idk if I’m in love if that makes sense and I don’t think it’s the case I’m thinking maybe it could be my dad tying into it kissing in front of me with his new girl friend maybe I have absolutley no clue and I’m worried I’m so confused and I’ve been praying I just don’t know if it’s all because I don’t love him or if I do but I feel like if I didn’t i would know and it wouldn’t be this hard to think about breaking it off and so emotional but idk I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone could give any insight Or if I could give any peace at mind because they arent the only ones I’m sorry for the novel and hope it mad some sense but please help! 🙁

Alix

Dear Jaz,

I have been in the same situation before. Relationships can be sticky, especially those long distance. A real relationship requires trust, respect, and the ability to feel comfortable around one another. How boring would things be if you were constantly at that “honey moon stage”? If this is truly bugging you, you should try to spark up the relationship EVERY now and then. Make texting fun, crack jokes, go out for an adventure, and most importantly change your routine with your partner once in a while. It is easy to feel too comfortable to the point where attraction between the both of you does not exist. But just keep in mind, that a relationship should be more like a friendship. If this person makes you feel secured, happy, respected, and provides you with the things you look for in a partner, don’t let this person go. Don’t feel about about thinking this way. I’ve talked to some of the strongest couples out there and they have told me this same thing. Love doesn’t just happen. Its a choice we make. We choose to be with someone because they benefit us in a way (emotionally) and this usually requires experience to know the difference between long-term vs. short-term love. Short-term love is about adrenaline and that honey moon stage. If you constantly think this way, you will be disappointed with expectations you set for the relationship. If I were you, I would focus on the good qualities of your partner and turn every flaw into a beautiful attribute. Commit to talking things out calmly, and maybe you might bring this topic up and see how he feels about it.

Hello Micky.. I have gained Soo much strength after reading your post. I don’t know if you will see this but thank you really. Seeing so many happy people, even my boyfriend who can love unconditionally, I had a thought maybe I am just never meant to be happy. I am sick. But you gave me hope. Thank you

omg i am going through the exact same thing right now. i am 16 and my boyfriend is 17. we have been together for a year and a half now and suddenly one night all these questions came to my head. i would freak out, shake, cry, i could not get out of bed. i was physically ill from feeling this pain because i felt so guilty and wrong. i was scared to see my boyfriend because i was afraid the inlove feeling wouldnt come back, but they did. its mostly when im all alone at home these thoughts come and i go crazy but when i talk to him it all goes away. some things to tell you if i think they matter.. 1) i did have a hard life growing up especially with my parents physically fighting and verbally. they are divorced now and hate each other. 2) my boyfriend did cheat on me last year so im still trying to get over that, we are doing much better though. 3) my boyfriend has a computer addiction so its hard to get him to do things and get his attention. i love him so much and i want to seriously be with this man forever but sometimes when i think that i get so scared and all these crazy thoughts come to my head like ” do you love him”? is he the one for you? and sometimes when a guy comes around i get uncomfortable and think their a bit cute but thats it, but i feel so guilty for it. i never want to cheat on him because i dont love anyone else and i dont want anyone else period. its like the anxiety just wrecks everything and i can never be happy. when im at his house i get all better but when im alone i start to freak and feel i need to talk to him. my situation is very similar to mickey. if anyone can reply to this or help me, it would make me feel so much better. also i did see my boyfriend everyday in school for a year and in the summer and now i dont see him a lot so please say it can be with drawl symptoms from not being with him as much. also i told my boyfriend these feelings and he said dont worry babe i will be here no matter what and we will get through this together and it made me so happy but also scared, i actually felt that he really truly loved me, and it scared me. also i talked to my social worker about this and she thinks its because im coming to the realization that he might never come over his addiction and i might have to change something. but i REALLY DO NOT want to end. i love him so much and he gives me a feeling no one else can give. i crave him all the time. honestly if i really did not love him i wouldn’t of gotten back together after he cheated on me and after all his bullshit with his video game addiction lol. sorry i know this is a lot to take in but PLEASE give me advice or anything. i wanna help this relationship so much because i believe in him. he has such a wonderful side when he is off the computer and i know one day we will get to it. anyways i just wanna figure out what is happening to me 🙁