Hi Anita,

His current relationship with his mum seems to be a very good one, now.  They text each other every day, especially since she takes care of his dog during certain times.  He does go to her place on some days  in his free/break time where he would find some lunch. She works however therefore she’s not home all the time.  I only spoke to her a couple of times and she seems to be a very nice woman.  According to him, she liked me too and she told him that I don’t seem to be like the other girls he had before me. She seems to care a lot about him.

She lives very close to him and once, in the beginning of our relationship, I saw her on my way out of his apartment and I said hi and she just said hi in a cold way.  When I told him about her, he said ‘she was probably thinking, oh he must have had another pussy at home’.

I know he had a lot of woman before me and he was also into one night stands, so I wasn’t too surprised by this comment.

That’s all I know, basically. Nothing much.

Elle

Hi Anita,

Yes his father was always there… he is still with his mother and I met him too a couple of times but he doesn’t speak much about his father.  He does speak to his father and also get a lot of help from him (such as help in house maintenance etc..)

As for the other points… I don’t know what to say.

When I mentioned that i’m thinking he’s a psychopath, was not of what people were saying, but there was this article highlighting the red flags of a psychopath. This guy is all the listed things, such as: he’s incredibly charming, smooth talker, quickly divulging personal details, easy going, fun to be with, always on the go, makes me feel special, looking at me, shower me with attention and affection, divulged his ‘true’ feelings for me very quickly etc…

I guess he was like that with girlfriends before me too.  In the beginning of our relationship I had met this girl who used to date him to.  We realised coincidentally since we were doing something together and I was telling how this guy sweeps me off my feet. She said that he used to do same things to her but eventually he turned out to be very controlling.  I thought she was just jealous even though she used to date him 4 years earlier.  When I confronted him he put the blame on her and told me that he acted that way because she was not trust worthy and he managed to justify everything she had told me.

With her he also mentioned the future etc and told her more or less the same things he used to tell me.  I tried not to think about it but unfortunately it was always at the back of my mind.  When I asked him about the nice things he did with us both and that i’m not as special as he says I am, he said, ”that’s me, I love to leave notes for my girls etc etc.. If you were in love with another person before me, didn’t you tell him nice things too?” And I sort of believed him…

Something else that used to bother me was that he liked woman and he was open about that with me.  Once in the first few dates he had told me he has a crush on a particular girl.  Another time he was abroad on work and he went with colleagues to a club and he was telling me how much he liked this dancer and couldn’t get his eyes off her.  He also had sexual fantasies about her and when he saw I didn’t like that he said, ”don’t you have sexual fantasies when you see a beautiful man? Don’t say no as you wouldn’t be normal” I don’t know, but is this right? I always showed him that i’m not a happy bunny with him talking like this about other woman and obviously he stopped mentioning anything of the sort.

I don’t know what to think anymore at this stage… I’m so lost!

Hi Anita,

I did not quite understand you..

What you mean is that he was just pretending that he loves me? Just making me fall in love with him with his awesome gestures and listening attentively etc.. until i’m totally into him? Well… could be! It really hurts to say so but if this is true he was a real good actor!! He told me so many times that we have a special bond, that he let down all his guards for me and he feels naked with me but he loves me and he knows this relationship will last, as I was not like any other girl.

But yes, you can be right… Maybe that’s why he used to ask me frequently whether I love him and if i’m happy with him and as soon as he sees me thoughtful he would want to know exactly what’s going through my mind.  Perhaps he was trying to see in which level he has arrived? How deep is my connection with him so he could relax?

I so don’t know!

Elle

Dear Anita,

Yes… this was my question too! It was surely a lie but he was always very good at talking me out of my insecurities and he always seemed so honest…

Oh well… I doubt how I can ever be in another relationship. I’m sooo afraid and even though I feel so empty inside and as much as I love being in a relationship so as I can share my life, my daily things, my thoughts, my dreams with another person, I just don’t want to find someone else. I’m so so afraid I will get hurt again and I won’t be able to trust any future man 🙁

Elle

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, this was one of the first questions I had asked him! He said ‘Cliche! Everyone asks the same thing. She was very jealous of me. I always knew that marriage wasn’t going to last long but I loved her and always hoped she would change’ Haha.. I believed him.

Yes, honestly I too wonder why he can’t handle his own relationships. He must be either very troubled or a real psychopath. No, at this point I don’t want to be with him anymore. He’ll surely won’t have a chance to fool me again.

Unfortunately, he has scarred me as I am now afraid of letting someone else in my heart. On a positive note, I realized quite quickly, after only 5 months, and i didn’t let it go on for too long  that it would have been much harder to leave.

Elle