Hey, thanks for your reply. We stayed together again the past weekend and everything just worked again. I didn’t really doubt anything and what I did think about what I’d done a few times but I’d get it out my head and forget about it. I feel a lot better about it all now.

Yesterday she even met my dad. I wouldn’t agree that the long distance was the issue. I think it was more my connection with her and only spending a week together in person prevented my devotion. When I’m with her I’m happy and we don’t argue. I know I messed up and it hurt her pretty bad, but we’ve been okay.

If I’m totally honest I don’t know if it is going to work. It’s hard at times and I struggle to keep the guilt of what I’ve done out of my head, but I’m speaking with a therapist who’s helping me with it all. I know that this could be a great thing that I have with this girl, and I don’t want to lose that. I’m going to continue playing it how it has been before. I haven’t once gone looking for anything else and I was very content.

 
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I was working 7 days a week and the only people I’d really talk to were the ones I worked with, and the girl I slept with was the one who showed me more interest than others. I will learn from what I’ve done and won’t do what I done before again. I see that what we have is strong and I’m going to continue working on it.

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I won’t bring up what happened before again as far as I can help it. She doesn’t understand and likely never will understand why I did what I did, to be honest neither will I. She’s still excited for me to come to Australia and so am I. We’ll see how it goes but all I can do for now is prove to her that it was a mistake.

The main issue for me is when I look at her when she’s doing something cute or nice, and instantly feel regret for what I did. I consistently think that had I not done it, we could’ve had that nice moment without the painful thought of remembering something bad. This is a consequence of what I did though, and I’m willing to live with that.

We’ll see how we get on, but for now I’m happy and so is she.

Dear Harry:

You are welcome. “Yesterday she even met my dad …. If I’m totally honest I don’t know if it is going to work… I’m going to continue playing it how it has been before… She’s still excited for me to come to Australia and so am I“-

– she might be thinking that you are serious about her, being that you introduced her to your father yesterday. When in Australia, she might have you meet all of her family, thinking this is serious, not knowing that you are very conflicted, that you are not totally honest with her, and that your plan is to continue playing it  how it has been before.

“I’m speaking with a therapist who’s helping me with it all“- good thing.

“I won’t bring up what happened before again as far as I can help it“- you mean that you may not be able to not bring up the topic that hurts her.. as in being compelled to bring it up?

“We’ll see how we get on, but for now I’m happy and so is she.“- your romance story has been a very fast romance story, too fast, and she is far away from home. I think that she needs to go back to Australia, and recover in familiar settings: separate her Dreams and Hopes from Reality. Maybe seek therapy there.

It may help if she can see an therapist before she leaves the UK.

I wonder about your attachment style in romantic/ sexual relationships, if it is the avoidant or the ambivalent kind where you seek closeness with a woman, on one hand, and sabotage closeness, on the other hand. Are you aware of the concept of attachment styles?

anita