I am going through something similar. I am trying to figure out if I am in love with my (now) ex or if i just feel an attachment..

I think it is possible for anyone to just fall out of love. It sucks and it doesn’t always make sense. Maybe that person was in your life for other reasons, just as significant, but other reasons.

What are you scared of?

Do you want to be with someone your not in love with?

I don’t think I would want someone to be with me just because it appears to be perfect. Search the difference of loving and being in love..

You are not a bad person for not being in love with them anymore. Some times, i believe, we think our soul mate means its meant to last forever, but in reality it was there to teach us something.

I hope this helps.

Oh my god its been 2 days. We went to a date and we had an amazing day but at night I started getting weird thoughts and now its just as if I just dont recognize him!! We’re completing an year in a few days…everything was going perfectly fine and now suddenly I dont feel anything for him he’s like a stranger to me I dont associate him as the person I love and I’ve no idea what to do…I’m really scared.what if the feeling doesnt return?? I’ve told him about this and he’s devastated. I’m pretty sure he’s my soulmate and I’m not giving up on him and so isnt he…I just hope everything is fine again. Its good to know that I’m not alone who’s going through this…I was planning our anniversary date for over 8 months now..we even decided to get married once we’re independent but now this suddenly…i dont know what’s happening anymore….I’m whoozy and tired and depressed all the time…

Hi,

Just picked up this thread after Googling “suddenly falling out of love”, and wondered what happened next for you guys.

I’ve experienced a really disturbing loss of feeing for my partner. We’ve been together for 8 months, which I know isn’t a long time, but I knew from early on that there was something special about our relationship. As recently as two or three weeks ago we were discussing moving in together and generally I felt really excited about our relationship.

I guess recently I’d been feeling a bit frustrated by some recurring (but pretty minor) arguments we’d been having, but although there was maybe a bit of resentment on my part, I always wanted to resolve the situation.

About 10 days ago, though, I saw him and felt what you’ve described above, a complete loss of feeling for him. I feel like my mind has suddenly done a complete 180, and rather than planning my diary around seeing him as I had been a couple of weeks ago, I’ve just wanted to get away when we’re together.

I feel devastated as I know the depth of feeling I had for him and how amazingly perfect we are for each other, and now I feel like I’m losing all of that happiness, intimacy, hope for the future etc.

After days of pretending everything was normal, I let on in a very gentle way that I was feeling a ‘distance’ that to do with a build-up of frustration over our arguments. But he is very instinctive and knows something is wrong.

Is it possible to suddenly fall out of love with someone who you know deep down is the right person for you, and someone who you usually have an amazing time with?

Any advice/reassurance would be so helpful because this is killing me, and I just don’t want to lose him.

Hello to all. I am going through the same situation. Jaz, are you still here? I was wondering what happened…

Hello Ostan and everyone,

I was wondering if you were still around. How has it been for you? Did that happen again, did you get over it?

I think I am going through the same thing and when I stumbled upon your post, I was shocked at how accurately you described what I felt ever since this thing with losing all my feelings happened. I am putting up a fight every day.

II hope you are all doing fine.

All the best

Ringo

Hi everyone-

I recently found this thread and although my story is not exactly the same, I would like to share it and hopefully get some advice because I feel like my ex may be going through the same situation.

He and I have been dating for almost a year (11 months to be exact). It ended last November. Everything was perfect. He had to travel for his master degree. From the beginning of our relation (we started as friends for three months and then made it official on the fourth one) he told me he planned on traveling to earn his masters and that it would only be a couple of months (11 months). I was fine with it. Besides, I had a year ahead before he left. He flew abroad in September. Everything was perfect. We spoke every day and every hour as if he was still there so if felt like the distance didn’t exist between us. Three months into the LD he called me to tell me he is having a hard time and that he misses me a lot and that the distance isn’t easy for him. We spoke and said we would work on it. Three weeks from that call, he ended things. He said he doesn’t know why but he just doesn’t feel the same; that he doesn’t love me anymore. That the spark he once had is gone. It broke my heart. Mind you, we were supposed to meet in a month when he broke it off. I tried to make him understand that distance does that to people and that’s when we should be stronger than ever. He refused to listen and said he doesn’t think that seeing me would make his feelings come back (not determined, he just thought this). First thing I thought was that maybe he met someone. My ex and I have always been honest with each other. It was our authenticity with one another that made our bond. If he met someone, he would have told me. That’s a fact. So I asked him and he said there is no one. He cannot explain why, but the feeling was gone. He was supposed to come back to meet his family and friends but he didn’t. He had financial difficulties and couldn’t buy a round ticket back home. After the breakup I gave him some space and waited until I was ready to contact him again. Hoping when I did he would have felt differently… He did not. Eventually we spoke regularly. It felt as if we were still together. The more we spoke, the more he got confused about his feelings. He then explained to me that he is unsure of his feelings and that it may just be the distance. He said he still cares a lot for me. So, we both agreed that we would stay in touch and wait until his return in a couple of months to sort this through.

A week ago he told me he was done with his masters and should be coming back home in a month. I was so happy. Then I asked him if he felt excited. That’s when it hurt the most. He said he doesn’t think we can work out because he still doesn’t feel the spark. He said he thought the excitement of coming back would be the answer. He said he is excited to see me, but only as a friend and that he will always care for me. I felt broken. A few weeks ago he was confused of his feelings for me. Now, he says he is sure because of his not so exciting feeling of seeing me again. He explained to me that he believes at first it was the distance. Then with time passing by he just grew with the idea of not having me there and that time passing was what caused all of this. I instantly felt that maybe I shouldn’t have stayed in contact with him and that I should have left him missing out so he can miss me more. But I was too afraid of losing a friend in addition to losing a bf. I still cannot grasp this. My intuition keeps telling me that once he sees me it will all come back. The attraction will return. Moreover, all the while he was there he never dated anyone. All he wanted to do was come back home. Now that he is coming home, he feels that way.

To get back to my very first phrase, I do think that maybe he’s gotten into this avoidant attachment as Ben explained. He is a logical person and doesn’t like letting his emotion control things. Knowing him so well, I do believe that the distance was so hard for him so he grew into avoiding the attachment so he can just go on easily. And since he isn’t back yet, his mind just keep telling him that there is nothing so he can survive this. Which then would explain his lack of excitement. Since his mind has convinced him of this, he believes there is no one to go back to. That he didn’t leave anyone back home. He still has pictures of us together. Plus, he said he wants to see me and hopefully we can have coffee when he gets back. I know that doesn’t mean we will get back. I was just hoping to get more insight from other people who may have experienced this. I also know that it is possible that distance is the sole reason for this. But, by reading this thread, I’ve come to believe that if Ostan was able to find the love back why can’t him and I?

It’s even worse when you’ve been dating someone who has become your best friend. If my presence is unable to spark things up again, I’m afraid I will lose a best friend forever. I won’t be able to stand seeing him with someone else if he meets someone new.

I am opened to all comments.

I have no idea if this thread is still being looked at but I swear this is the only discussion on the internet that has understood what I’ve been going through.

I’m not often quick to trust in relationships, and it takes me a while to warm up to someone. Two years ago I met a man who became my best friend for over a year. He was there for me in every way, and we slowly became inseperable. People would even joke they would come to our wedding, before we had even considered dating. We then decided to forego our friendship and become girlfriend/boyfriend, as it just seemed a matter of time – it was magnetic.

Soon, for the first time, I felt I had met the love of my life. And as I say, I’m incredibly cautious usually (it once took me months to even call a guy I was dating my boyfriend!), but this was all so easy, relaxed and natural. Not only was it electric and incredible, he also challenged me and confronted me in ways I needed. It was hard work and very rewarding. Without even thinking about it I assumed we’d be together for years. It felt like a relationship I could grow in and really learn about myself and him.

Then in December, a week after our lovely one year anniversary, it was like an emotional shutter came down. It was like I didn’t recognise him. I tried to look at pictures of him to remind myself how I felt, because I had absolutely, completely forgotten how I had loved him. I felt nothing. It was horrifying.

I tried so much. I tried casual time away from him, I spent weekends with him, I went on dates with him. Like people have said above, when I have been with him I have felt that love sometimes come back, sometimes intensely, sometimes briefly. Sometimes I wanted space, sometimes I felt so keen to see him. But all the while I couldn’t stop analysing myself, keeping an eye on my feelings, how I felt, measuring whether the love was coming back or not. Like obsessive analysing behaviour. But overall I thought things were really improving.

Then I went away to visit my family, and since that point my mind has been OBSESSED with breaking up with him. Just so I can stop this anxious spiral of analysis going through my mind; I just had to own that the love I once had still was not there.

We are now on a month’s solid break without communication, until I start figuring this out. It has been helpful to have the space. I have started seeing a counsellor for help in this as I believe this is deeply psychological. I very well may be a very severe case of “avoidant attachment”, as mentioned before. Perhaps being away from him has made this worse?

The worst thing about this is that THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE to me, in a previous relationship, around the same timescale. I had certain reservations about that boyfriend, and so when it ended I let it happen, but still it was a similar thing. A revelation, instantaneously, that I couldn’t be with him anymore and it needed to end. Not clear as to why, but you should.

I hope this is not a continuing issue for anyone else above. This has absolutely decimated my home life, career, sleep and confidence. I’ve come to terms that the only way left is to let the relationship go mentally, stop trying, and see what feelings naturally come back. At the very least I have to hope that with the help of my counsellor I can get to the root of this, as it feels like nothing stops this happening again to the next potential partner.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. It is wonderful to know I’m not the only person who has gone through this horrific experience. I thought I was going mad.