I hate myself, what can I do?

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by Inky.

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March 15, 2016 at 5:52 pm #99096
Cody92
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Hey everyone,

I’ve been struggling with self-hate for a long time, and it’s getting more and more unbearable. It’s not that I want to feel this way; I can’t control it. On top of this, I’ve been suffering for depression for over 10 years and have only recently sought treatment. I’m honestly not sure how to get over this hate, so I thought I’d ask around for help. A shortened list of things I hate about me:

-Face: I’m 6’5, so my face is pretty broad/square. But it’s not a square, strong-jawed face, just a weirdly-shaped, square-foreheaded face. It drives me crazy every time I see a picture of myself. I can’t understand how people aren’t repulsed by seeing it.

-Eyes: The color of my eyes is the only tolerable feature of me. This, of course, is diminished by the fact that one of my eyes is lazy. I’ve had vision problems my entire life, and it’s always been a major source of self-loathing.

-Weight: Again, I’m 6’5, and I’m also 300 lbs. Every time I tell someone I’m overweight, they just tell me that I’m not. When I mention that I have a lot of belly fat, they just say “well, it doesn’t show.” Not exactly a confidence booster. Technically I’m only overweight by 50 lbs, but that is far too much for me. I’ve been resisting the urge to just stop eating, especially since my fiance found out I was thinking about it and wasn’t happy. But it seems like the best solution.

-Awkwardness: I just feel awkward. My face is weird, my hair is always out of sorts and all over the place, I hate my voice and my body. I feel like the most awkward person and there isn’t anything I can do about it.

-Mental health: My depression and the anxiety it causes keeps me from doing anything. Every time I feel bad about my weight and think “I’ll go to the gym”, my anxiety and fear kicks in and I stop. I’ve been trying for years to get certified (which I need to do in order to have a career in IT), but I just freak out, run from it, and try to forget I even tried.

I’m 23 (24 at the end of the month), and I already hate myself and my life. I don’t know how people stand to be around me, and it’s getting to the breaking point. I don’t know what I’ll do if I reach that point (definitely not self-harm), but I need to do something about this.

Can anyone help?
- This topic was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Cody92.
March 15, 2016 at 6:30 pm #99103

Lady Nadia
Participant

hey Cody,
I really hope I can uplift you with my message.

This self-hate is resulted by thoughts you follow (just like your anxiety and depression). Somehow people are usually more attracted by the negative thoughts than the positive, and so we create (without knowing it) a cloud of negativity which affects everything we have. Someone could say you are a lovely person but your cloud would make you think : hell no that’s not true. The truth is : you are.
I’ve been bullied for 7years, I hated myself, I had dreams but kept saying yeah never going to happen, at some point it triggered anxiety and depression. But if I may say so, I’m somewhere grateful for this depression because it has opened my eyes to see my strenght and love myself for who I am and I destroyed that negative cloud from my mind.
If I can suggest for your case, I did auriculotherapy ( acupunctur for the ears) and thethahealing ( helped so much) and just talking about it.
You have a fiance, who certainly loves you and would love to see you bloom to the lovely person you are,just like your friends, he sees it in your eyes and it is time you see it too. it’s a state of mind, choose positive over negative, self-love over self-hate,.. it’s not about controlling the thoughts, because we have millions of them everyday, it’s about following the positive ones; acknowledge the bad but don’t follow it, reach for the positive thought.
It may sound completely insane what I’m saying but trust me it works. We are all awkward and unique.
Consider doing mindfulness and searching about positive vibes, yoga etc..

Just by switching your mindset from negative to positive, your day can change and so step by step your entire life will change, and later you will look back and say: waouw!
Start by smiling at yourself in the morning, give yourself positives vibes, avoid toxic people, do not compare yourself to others, each of us is different and unique, just be who you are.
For sports, if you fear people might look at you just remind yourself, they are here for the same reason with their own problems and insecurities, you are here for yourself, not for the others, so go there enjoy your course, and leave with fresh energy and before going to sleep, give yourself a positive vibe and sleep well!

You can do it! Never give up and smile!

Cheers!

March 15, 2016 at 8:10 pm #99106

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Cody92:

You listed a “shortened list of things” you hate about yourself. Even if I attacked the list you provided, there is a lengthier list you have. Keeping this in mind, I am looking at your shortened list: Face (lazy eye included and messy hair), 50 pounds too many (belly fat specified), voice, being depressed (over 10 years, treatment sought recently), anxiety (freaking out about getting certified for IT career specified)

Regarding your anxiety and depression, I highly recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with a competent, caring, hard working psychotherapist.

Until you get into good psychotherapy, you can avoid mirrors (I do). Take advantage of the fact that your eyes are placed in such a position on your face that unless you look in a mirror, all you see is other people (and vaguely the end of your nose, and hair if it is messy, but you can cut it). And as you see other people, you can look at their faces and bodies and well, you can do that. And you can listen to what people say about their faces and their bodies.

And you will see that you are far from being the only self critical person out there.

Maybe as people/ animals, we are not supposed to look at ourselves. Animals don’t. Again, the location of our eyes makes it impossible for us to see our faces. So maybe, biologically, we are not supposed to.

I am growing fond of what I am suggesting to you. I like the idea: maybe we are not supposed to look at ourselves.

I have much more to say about self hate, that Inner Critic/ Toxic Inner Critic concept- you can find info on it on line.

Please post again with more thoughts…

anita

March 16, 2016 at 12:48 am #99130

anxiousangel
Participant

Two points cody

1. U r wonderful. Everyone is. U r unique.
It may or maynot conform with the cultural idea of being the best. But tell me hw many ppl in ur lofe hav u solely judged on their physical features or belly fat… To see thru who they are and thr importance.. It is just in the initial phase.. Whrn u start experiencing the person they are. These little imperfections just fade away. They accept u..

U need to do the same. Accept urself and then see who u r..asa complete picture. U hav got wat u hav got..u cant change it. No point resisting it. Dont resist and u wud feel ok abt it.

2. U r only 24. Life is along journey. Superficial things like these cant determine ur journey. In ths materialistic culture being cool and perfect is being propogated..but no one is. Make the most out f life. Change ur perception ..this u can for a more fulfilling life.

Thanks

March 17, 2016 at 4:50 am #99238
Inky
Participant
HI Cody92,

Keep in mind that:

1. Your fiancée loves you more than life. Out of the millions of people she could have chosen, she chose YOU! Do you doubt her decision making abilities? Is she crazy? See yourself through her eyes.

2. Keep a framed baby picture of yourself in your house where you can see it everyday. The Creator of creation (or creation itself) knew what He/it was doing.

3. You don’t have to go to the gym yet. You can hike, or do Pilates and Yoga at home.

4. People are so self involved, they don’t think of each other hardly at all! They’re not sitting around judging you. Trust me. Like you, they too are trying to somehow get through life!

Hope any of the above helps!

Blessings,

Inky
- This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
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