fbpx
Menu

I got in touch with a girl I cut contact with 5 years ago?

Home→Forums→Relationships→I got in touch with a girl I cut contact with 5 years ago?

New Reply
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • January 21, 2019 at 7:32 am #275947
    UKinFR
    Participant

    5 years ago, I decided to effectively “ghost” this girl I was completely head over heels for.

    At the time I (18) thought it would be for the best. I thought it would help me move on.

    We never dated, but we definitely had something going on.

    So I sent her a text on Saturday hoping she was doing well and that I really wanted to see her.

    I did so without expecting a reply, but I got one, and a really long one at that.

    In summary, she told me that all the hurt and disappointment has come crawling back. That she was traumatised by it and it still affects her now. That she doesnt think meeting up will be the best.

    She also said that she likes the idea of us trying something, but is scared about the result.

    She’s still incredibly angry with me. This is totally understandable, but I just don’t get how she can feel this way after so long. The only reason I chose to avoid her was because I hated her, it’s because I was hurt and still have feelings for her.

    I know this is probably it and I will have to move on, but I struggle to understand how she’s still upset with it after so long?

    January 21, 2019 at 9:27 am #275963
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear UKinFR:

    To understand better I ask:

    1. You wrote, “We never dated, but we definitely had something going on”- what was that something-going-on, what was the nature of your relationship before you ghosted her?

    2. You wrote that you ghosted her because “you thought it would be for the best. I thought it would help me move on… because I was hurt and still have feelings for her”- what hurt you  in the relationship before you ghosted her, what was the nature of that hurt that you wanted to move on from?

    anita

     

    January 21, 2019 at 9:38 am #275965
    UKinFR
    Participant

    Thank you for response Anita:

    1) What I mean is that we shared affection and attraction for one another. For 3-4 years we met during the summer. She invited me to her Prom in 2014 and we went together. Her friends all knew about me and her best friend told me “She can’t stop talking about you”

    We were effectively “lovers”, but didn’t get to the relationship stage. We went out together a few times, but since we didn’t live in the same country, these times were far and few between.

     

    2) What hurt me the most was the geographical distance. We didn’t see eachother often at all (usually during the summer for a couple of weeks). Another thing was not knowing where I stood with her, and what she wanted us to be.

    I was frustrated. Not towards her, but because of our situation. Effectively, I gave up.

    January 21, 2019 at 9:49 am #275967
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear UKinFR:

    If you didn’t know where you stood with her, and you wanted to know, why didn’t you ask her?

    anita

     

    January 21, 2019 at 9:52 am #275969
    UKinFR
    Participant

    I don’t know Anita…

    I can’t figure out why I did half the things I did when I was younger, let alone what I did to her.

    Maybe it was too soon for me to be involved such a serious and intense thing? I wasn’t mature enough and I was too rash.

     

    I know I’ve blown it with her… I just wish I could have a second chance – or at least get to talk to her face to face

     

     

     

    January 21, 2019 at 10:05 am #275971
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear UKinFR:

    I understand that you were younger at the time but unless you were on heavy duty drugs, there must have been some awareness on your part as to what was goin on: what was that “something going on”, a nothing-much or a “serious and intense thing“-

    what was that something, what was that thing?

    “I know that I blown it with her”, but what is that it that you blew.

    My suggestion: because you have no idea what you blew, don’t try to retrieve it. You don’t know what it is you are trying to retrieve. And then, there is this young woman who was ghosted and hurt. It wasn’t right for you to ghost her no matter what that thing was.

    Be watchful, notice what is happening in your life, ask questions, pay attention.

    anita

     

    January 21, 2019 at 10:19 am #275983
    Valora
    Participant

    It sounds to me like you two were terrible at communication, but you were young. She recently said she likes the idea of you trying something?  Do you two live in the same country now and close enough to each other where you would be able to have a relationship?  If not, I would just let it go. If you DO live near each other now and you have grown in the past 5 years and understand why it was wrong to end things in the way that you did without having any kind of discussion with her on the way she felt, it might be worth getting to know each other again…. with no expectations. If you really have changed, she will see that as you two get to know each other, and her fear will likely dissipate, but you will have to prove with actions (not words) that you have grown and would not do that to her again… that even if things don’t work out, you two will have a conversation about it and you won’t just disappear. If you don’t think you can do that, definitely just leave her alone.

    January 22, 2019 at 12:23 pm #276229
    Mani
    Participant

    I had an ex for whatever reason (felt selfish and controlling as it did not consider my feelings/wants) felt it was best not to talk to me as per his mother’s and sisters promise. Although I sometimes know he checks me out on social media. Finally few months ago (14 years later) I messaged him to let him know how much it hurt me. Hence 5 years might seem long, but 14 years is even longer.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.