Jobebe,

I am sorry for the atrocities you and your sisters suffered. No one should ever have to experience such experiences. I am glad, however, that counseling helped you bounce back.

The ‘now-and-again low feeling’ is quite normal. It is something we all experience. Harmony is something that requires a number of efforts to maintain. One of my teachers explained to me that it is because we lack a solid ‘life foundation’. Because we do not have (a) strong reason(s) or understanding(s) to maintain a positive outlook, our fortitude assuredly and ultimately fluctuates. He explained that we need an infinite power source to tap into; something that isn’t a ‘battery’ (which dies and requires repurchasing/recharging). As to what this source can be, it will vary for everyone. Personally, my power source is ‘the experience which is life’. Yes, quite corny, I will admit. However, I would find it too much of a shame to waste my life sulking or complaining or melancholic or despondent or anguished or miserable, etc….., when I’ve a life and a world to experience with my entire being. And, while true that life doesn’t only deal in positive experiences, if we come to the comprehension that negative experiences carry lessons to instill us with necessary wisdom, we then find that there is truly very little, or nothing at all, to shatter our foundations. I hope that in time you will find yours. And please do not feel dismayed if you have difficulty in establishing one. For, in fact, such a task should. Finding a creed, an absolute belief, should not be like going to the mall to buy a pair of shoes (though even I find that simple task to sometimes be overwhelming).

As for your boyfriend, I am sad to find that he shuns you when you refuse him his needs. I find his actions to be quite selfish. And by no means does this make you not ‘ideal’, therefore, be kinder to yourself and let go of this wrong notion. A woman should not make herself readily available at the random whims of a man. You are, after all, your own human being with your own beliefs, feelings and philosophies. I hope he can come to one day be of more understanding.

For your crossroad, it is understandable to feel at a loss. For, indeed, are we truly supposed to know our path? Our aim? The thing(s) we’re supposed to fall in love with? Additionally, when it comes to discovery, do you believe you’re at an impasse? Why, I’m quite sure that you’ve all the tools you need to explore and discover other wonders and passions that this world has to offer. Hence, do not overly grieve at being unable to do ‘one’ thing, for, if you open your eyes, mind and heart, you’ll perceive that you’ve the beautiful prospect of pursuing a ‘nearly endless’ other possible interests. Does not an adventure with multiple paths sound much more endearing?

I hope this helps and please excuse any grammatical errors I tend to make in long posts. We’ll be here for you should you need any more/other help. Namaste!

Al