Dear bluelupines,

You have been sexually abused – psychological manipulation goes hand in hand with sexual abuse. You were groomed as a young person, made to believe this was something that you wanted and that you enjoyed. A family member who you trusted coerced you into inappriopriate and highly damaging behavior. Things will never go back to normal as far as your family goes, and you need to get away from the people that are causing you harm. Whether you want to categorize this as rape or not, you’ve been taken advantage of by an elder. You are clearly traumatized from these events, and you need to ask for help from trustworthy people around you. You may want to find out if it’s possible to report this to the authorities depending on your age. This is very serious and I hope you find a way to keep yourself safe and get help. If you have a good relationship with your parents you must tell them and try and get help from them. Help is not forgiveness and sweeping this under the rug. Help is acknowledging the damage that has been done to you and getting you to a safe place. Your uncle is also damaged and needs help. He is an abuser and has most likely been abused as many abusers have been. You need to get away from him and from anyone who tries to tell you what happened was okay.

I am not a psychologist but I have been the target of intended sexual abuse by someone in a position of authority and the best thing to do is get far away from them and then get help and healing from the trauma you’ve suffered.

Please be safe and recognize what is real help and what is not.

Bluelupines-

My heart hurts for you. First thing I want to say to you is that nothing you have done or could have done could have altered the twisted desire of another person. You have been victimized. Here is the truth that I have learned for myself having been raped in highschool and being made to do things through coercion and manipulation by an ex boyfriend. While it is true that you have been victimized, only you can make yourself a victim. I don’t mean this to sound cold or preachy, please hear me out. In this instance, what I am reading is a dreadful story in which you survived and were strong enough to seek help both with your family and here in these forums. You did not let it happen to you, stay quiet and in all likelihood have it happen over and over again. You sought to help yourself through counsel of others. That’s a wonderful first step. By doing so, you have not allowed yourself to stay a passive participant, you have not allowed yourself to be a victim. In my opinion, and it is only my opinion and by no means gospel, you need to take this a step further and report this to the police. If not for you, then for any other women this disgusting individual may seek to violate. You must stop him from doing this again. People like this look for people that are trusting and vulnerable and then use that to their sick advantage. If you take it a step further, not only are you not allowing yourself to be a victim, you are doing a great service to future individuals, which will give you a sense of it not having been for nothing. I understand that this person is close to you, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior. View them as a sick individual that needs help if that helps you take the next steps. If you report him, he will be forced to get the help he needs. In that way, you are helping him, not having him punished. I usually don’t try to give advice, but your story compelled me to do just that. On a side note, this situation will soon be nothing more than a bad memory, it will be over and in your past. You are incredibly strong for sharing your story and I encourage you to become involved in support groups for people who are struggling with similar issues. Personal turmoil gives you the power to help others from a stance of having been there and showing others that they can get through it and thrive. You can be a beacon of hope for others. I strongly encourage you to use your situation to strengthen you and help others. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, I wish you the best of luck.