I don't know if I should keep pursuing

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This topic has 22 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.

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February 27, 2019 at 7:49 pm #282123

Mark
Participant

Connie,

I don’t understand why you want to continue to keep in contact with him. Where do you think this going if you do?
Mark

February 28, 2019 at 7:55 am #282187

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Connie:

You are welcome. My advice: don’t stay in square one (“I am back in square one”) because of not asking for information. Ask. If he doesn’t answer there is information there, in his ignoring your questions or getting angry that you asked or whatever his response may be.

I don’t see how you can possibly lose, or what you can lose by asking questions that are fair and appropriate to ask. If you do ask, let me know of his response or lack of, will you?

anita

February 28, 2019 at 7:15 pm #282311

Connie
Participant

Hello

Because the last time we met, we had this “where-we-stand” talk. He told me there were some more dates that he wanted to go on. So I said to him I could only wait three more weeks for him. And that was exactly two weeks ago.

I think I am gonna stick with my “offer.” I will only wait another week and that will be all. I am not going to initiate any convo since I made myself really clearly and there shouldn’t be anything left to say on my end.

March 1, 2019 at 7:36 am #282361

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Connie:

You told him that you will wait for him three weeks and you waited so far two weeks during which he did not contact you. Do you think he is paying attention to the passage of time, looking at his calendar and thinking: I have one more week!?

anita

March 1, 2019 at 11:40 pm #282481
Connie
Participant
Hello Anita

you are right. I just had this epiphany that I can’t really force anything to happen. People always say he will come around if it’s meant to be. And I can’t agree with that more.

He’s so not worth of my time and energy. Additionally, it will be even worse if he stays around but still has eyes on other girls.

I have decided to let go because I deserve something/someone better.

Thanks for your empathetic advice. It’s been reallly helpful!
- This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Connie.
March 2, 2019 at 5:50 am #282509

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Connie:

You are very welcome!

Remember what you wrote a few days ago: “I have never been really proactive when it comes to communication, either personally or professionally.. definitely something I can work on more in the future”-

I think it is an excellent decision, to be more proactive and the time to be more proactive is now, today. Practice being proactive in small ways, the small opportunities that arise today and you will get into the habit of being proactive in bigger ways, in personal and professional relationships.

anita

April 3, 2019 at 8:32 pm #287493

Connie
Participant

Hello Anita

I just wanted to update you on this. The person texted me out of the blue last week.

He was on a trip and sent a text saying he was thinking about me and wishing me well. We had stopped texting more than a month ago. I was really surprised to hear from him again. Since things kinda ended on a good note in our last encounter, I decided to text him back just to say “I am well. Hope you are well, too.”

He read the message and didn’t reply so I thought maybe he just wanted to say hi.

However, he texted me again last night telling me he was well and was busy preparing for work and stuff. We exchanged some texts here and there but nothing more.

I feel I shouldn’t be putting much thought into this and I haven’t shown much interest in finding out why he reached out to me again. And I remember that my “offer” had expired long time ago.

Well, I am not sure what I am trying to say here. Should I be straight forward and ask him what his intentions are? If so, am I making it a big deal? I don’t want to be perceived as insecure…

April 4, 2019 at 7:13 am #287533

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Connie:

A short summary of this very short not-relationship-yet: Feb 25-26, you wrote: “Long story short, he explained that he couldn’t give me what I was looking for… He said he realized we were not align on where we stand in a relationship”.

At some point you told him that you will wait for him three weeks. He didn’t contact you during those three weeks or in more than a week after.

I suggest that you remind him of this history, of what he said (above) and ask him if he had a change of mind and heart about it. If there is a need (depending on his answer), bring up the three weeks waiting time which he ignored and asks him about that too.

It may be his choice to ignore what he said and what you said, but it doesn’t need to be your choice as well. Being proactive, you .. don’t ignore important things to you because he chooses to ignore them.

anita
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