This post may be a bit long, but I have an issue that I don’t know how to deal with:

I am a college student who has a somewhat inexperienced love life. I met a recent friend (another student) about a year ago, and it seems we’ve gotten to know each other quite well since we met. But not long after I’d met her and gotten to know her a little, I started to have a crush on her. For the most part, I did not enjoy the experience when I first became aware of it. For a while, I was confused, scared, and upset that I had these feelings for her. I kept my feelings from her for about a month and a half, all the while trying to make sure I fully understood how I felt about her. And during that time I became aware that she did not feel the same way (I observed her behavior toward me and compared it to mine, and it was not similar). As soon as I figured that much, I felt guilty and angry at myself every time I thought about her, saw her or talked to her. By the end of that month and a half, my negative feelings were eating me up to the point where I just decided to tell her how I feel – to get it off my chest. Surprisingly, she didn’t seem to have a problem with how I was feeling, and even though she never said she felt the same way, she did say she was flattered. I also told her that I hoped we could still be friends and she said of course without hesitation.

We got to know each other more after that, and before the year was over, we became closer friends and confided in each other often (as friends do right?). In January, I went to complete a college project abroad. While I was there, we kept in contact. I returned in March to finish the rest of my semester, and then I realized that my feelings for her, while not as intense, were strong enough to leave me feeling frustrated and anxious every time I saw her or thought about her again. To add to my confusion, we were both very busy during that time. Although we’re good friends, I barely got to see her on campus, and when I did, it was randomly, and she was mostly with another friend in particular. And sometimes I happened to see posts on Facebook that indicated she was with at least one other friend at various times during the semester. Knowing this I became jealous that those other friends seemingly got to spend more time with her than I did, despite the fact that those friends are also female. When I thought about my relationship with her, I became dissatisfied; after all, I barely got to see her or really spend time with her in person, and despite all the time we spent getting to know each other as friends, it was almost entirely through non personal means (i.e., texting, Facebook, email). After wrestling with my feelings for quite a bit, I told her I was sad because I didn’t think I’d get to know her more, since it didn’t seem like there was time for it. I also told her that I still liked her. Again, she said she was flattered and of course I can get to know her more, as well as she’s thankful to have a friend like me and that she just wants to be there for me. Even though she seems to have accepted my feelings, I still have trouble accepting them, especially since nothing changed even after the second time I said something. By that I don’t necessarily mean that I hoped she’d return those feelings (I only said it to get it off my chest and have made no advances whatsoever). What I really mean is that the nature of our relationship hasn’t changed; we still communicate mostly through text/Facebook, and now I can’t see her in person because it’s summer break and we live in two different states. And I still feel jealous of her other friends even now (at least one of them is still near her for the summer).

Now I know I already said a lot in this post, but I think the immediate issue is that I don’t know what is causing me to feel dissatisfied and jealous. I want to say it’s the crush I still have on her, but I’m not entirely sure. The only other reason that leads me to think that is I also have this fear at times that she will end up with someone out of the blue, though realistically it doesn’t seem like that would happen. Even if my feelings are not the cause, I want to move on from having them. From the beginning, I hardly enjoyed feeling that way about her because I worried it’d make our friendship unnecessarily complicated. And I think I was right. I think I would’ve been fine had I only saw her as a friend. As it is, I am 20 yrs old and I’ve liked only four girls in my lifetime so far, her included. In each case the feelings weren’t mutual and I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t think I’m ready to date yet and I haven’t been very interested in doing so. In one way or another, I haven’t even had the time or opportunity to explore that part of my life (this year I’ve been very busy with my studies, especially in preparation for my experience abroad). Overall, I have very little experience with this part of my life, and although I consulted many friends, family, and even a counselor about it, I didn’t find much of their feedback very helpful. I’ve had to look into a lot of this on my own, but ultimately, with as little as I know, I get so confused whenever I feel this way about someone, and I never know how to handle it. I read several articles of online information, and even a number of posts on Tiny Buddha about unrequited love, but all of it seems to be steps ahead of me (as if the reader looking for advice has already been in a relationship, or fallen in love, which I’m not entirely sure is the same as a crush/infatuation), and I have a very hard time relating to that information and applying it to my own situation. I even looked at my previous experiences with girls for clues but no luck. Ultimately I’m afraid that I’ll strain the friendship or ruin it because I don’t know how to deal with any of my feelings, especially the dissatisfaction and jealousy (in addition to sadness, that’s pretty much all I feel when I think of her now). Our friendship is really good overall and I don’t want to do anything to mess it up, and/or hurt the both of us.

That said, I really hope someone on this forum can relate to my inexperience, and perhaps help me to understand exactly how I’m feeling (because I just don’t know anymore and have overanalyzed it too many times). And if someone can help me to understand how I may move on from having these feelings without ending our friendship (another friend recommended I forget about her, but that doesn’t feel right to me), I would greatly appreciate it. I am very desperate.