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I do not want to be with my ex, but I am struggling to move on. Help!

Home→Forums→Relationships→I do not want to be with my ex, but I am struggling to move on. Help!

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • June 7, 2017 at 11:57 pm #152334
    Kaynah
    Participant

    I have seeked help through this site when I was emotionally getting stringed along from my ex. So I figure maybe you all can help me figure what feels like to be limbo. I am beyond certain I do not ever want to be with my ex of 7years. We barely contact. Only in regards of our child, but its only 2 times a month he sees his child. So it is really limited.

    The thing is, Knowing I do not want to be with him. I still havent allowed myself to meet or have interest in anyone else. We have separate a year now. I know I am super busy and a  single parent couldnt even imagine another energy. A part of me feels like I am excusing myself because I am ultimately scared. I also have not met anyone that I feel any sort of connection with. Is this residual truama? I lost all trust and self esteem leaving out the last relationship.

    June 8, 2017 at 5:41 am #152338
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kaynah,

    We do not have to be in a relationship with anyone. Neither do we even have to want to be in a relationship. Nor have an active interest in someone.

    I give you permission ~ for the next decade ~ to totally devote your life, time, energy and money towards your child. Don’t even think about relationships.

    Of course what usually happens is the perfect partner comes along when we are literally not looking.

    Enjoy Parenthood!

    Inky

    June 8, 2017 at 9:04 am #152364
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi, Kaynah,

    There were times when I was younger, when it seemed, I always had to be in some kind of relationship. It made me feel good about myself. Being in love was the greatest thing in the world, and it always seemed I needed a man in my life for that high you get from being in love. I hated not having a man in my life, I felt empty, bored, restless, lonely, depressed and just a chronic empty feeling. It was like I had to have a man to make me happy with myself and my life.

    So, I went from one bad relationship to another, not really getting to know myself first and what I could really offer a man, and what I wanted from them. To me, a bad, unhealthy relationship full of intensity, chaos, drama, turbulence, fighting was all I knew because of a traumatic and severely negecful childhood. I did not know my self-worth it identity. If I did not have a man, I felt I was missing out because all my girlfriends had boyfriends, kids, getting married, etc. Here I was still single in my late 30’s.

    1. This is when I decided I needed to discover myself and what I truly wanted from a man and what a healthy relationship was. So, I got into intensive therapy and 12 step programs. I am now in my 50’s, and while I do not have the man of my dreams, I have come to peace with being in limbo. And knowing that it’s okay not to constantly have a man in my life. I am working on being happy with myself, and only then, will a man will be happy with me. So, please don’t give yourself alot of stress and pressure. When the right time comes, it will come. In the meantime, focus on yourself, get involved in social activites, volunteer work, when men see that you are a strong independent happy woman happy with her life, they will gravitate toward you. It works. Most of all, it’s okay to be scared. We all go through this. Give yourself permission. You went through a difficult time and being a single parent is hard, no matter what the circumstances. Just know, it’s okay to be in limbo for awhile and concentrate on your children and yourself as that is what is most important. Good luck.
    June 12, 2017 at 8:48 am #152776
    Amber
    Participant

    Kaynah,

    I was in a similar situation like you. I was married for 8 years and together for 12 with my ex. He was a terrible person… he was a sociopath or either a narcissist. I struggled to move past it because of all the mental abuse I endured during the course of our marriage. I was finally able to get out and have been the happiest I have ever been in a very long time. Like you we have a child together and he sees him only 2x per month. He has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. At times I would feel strangely when I’d see him with his girlfriend and had thoughts of whether or not he treats her better than he did me and if I was ultimately the one who was crazy. I didn’t want him back but I couldn’t shake these feelings. All I can say is that it does get better with time, I had to occupy my time and also I started dating which really helped me. I was able to meet the most wonderful person and things have been phenomenal. Everything just takes time, it’ll pass.

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