Hello!

Firstly I want to say that I am not married so perhaps people who have been married or are married on tiny bhudda would be able to give you better advice here.

I just wanted to say in my view please please enjoy what you have with your boyfriend. Pressuring him into proposing is not going to help and could ruin or drive a wedge through your relationship. You say you love him more than words so perhaps just trust him and he will get there. I was pressure by my boyfriend to buy a house and it did affect our relationship for a long while so I’m saying this with sort of experience. Just because he hasn’t proposed does not make you a less of a person or girlfriend or partner than your friends who have. It is not a reflection of your self worth.

Also, just because your friends have got engaged or are married doesn’ mean it will last forever or that because they have it wont it doesnt mean you wont. There is enough to go round. I don’t say that to be negative, it’s more just accepting that everyone has their own life to live and race to run, so whilst you are the only one out of your friends to get married, compared to the whole world you aren’t. I like to think people have their own paths.

My final thought is to perhaps just ask yourself why you are putting marriage on such a pedestal and what it exactly means to you and why it’s so important. It could be your boyfriend’s reasons for marriage are very different so that’ why he isn’t working to the same timescale as you.

There are lots of YouTube videos/ted talks or books about letting go of expectations so perhaps they could help.

Hi dreaming715,

This is what I did:

I said “This is my ring size” with a smile and a wink. And I didn’t say anything more about it.

I also never lived with him. If you are living together, move. I’m not kidding. Unspoken pressure (that you can leave anytime) is better than spoken pressure.

This is what his friend did (unprompted my me, it just happened):

He said “If you don’t marry her you’re crazy. This is the one. You know her ring size. Go to Tiffany’s. You can’t go wrong picking out any ring from there.”

Also, two years is long enough. He knows you don’t just want to get married. He knows that you want the proposal itself to be romantic. For some reason he is withholding that from you.  Just say, “Here’s my ring size. I’m moving in with my friends for a while. This has to come from you. No pressure.” And say it with a smile and a bounce to your step as if some other guy was shopping at Tiffany’s as you speak.

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by Inky.

Dear dreaming715:

Reads like a good strategy to me, to practice detachment during the wedding.

The title of your thread is “I can’t stop crying..”- having read your threads over time I got to know you as a very rational person. Your rational part is very strong and keeps you moving through difficulties.

I also got to know your boyfriend through your threads and my impression is that he is a decent man. He was slow from the beginning, in the relationship with you, consistent from the very start, that is, being rational himself, cautious, planning ahead.

anita

Dear dreaming715:

You are welcome. Pleasure to read from you. The detached strategy is absolutely positive sometimes, healthy. This is why it came about evolution wise, because it is helpful in certain circumstances.

anita