Dear David:

You are 19. You work full time and hate your job. You are exhausted and miserable doing your job and want to quit. You had an electronic, virtual relationship with a 19 year old woman. The two of you shared a lot of personal thoughts and feelings and it felt so good to you. You want to meet her and make the relationship real, physical, in person.

You want to be happy and you believe you will be happy if you meet this young woman.

Not with her attitude. Can’t replace what is REAL with what you WISH was real.

What is real is that you hate your job, you are tired of it and want to quit. What is real is that she doesn’t want you to come over. There are other things that are real but this is all I am reading in your post.

Now, what in reality can you do to make your life better?

anita

Hi David,

But it IS an electronic relationship, Dear One! It does not take the place of chemistry, of meeting face to face, or of being in close proximity with someone. My college roommate had an electronic relationship (way before Skype!). She went out to visit him. And as much as they got along (like you, for over a year) it fell flat. And even if they got along famously, there was that distance thing.

Now this was two people who BOTH wanted it to work! Your quasi-GF broke up with you. Yes, she did! And you never met!

You could get a job or go to school near where she lives. Or even vacation there on your own, and force a meeting. But then you’d be a stalker. SHE has to want it too. She doesn’t.

My advice is to shut off your computer, and don’t communicate with her via email, text, social media or Skype. And if you do, it should be to tell her one thing:

“Don’t text/email/FB/Skype or talk to me unless and until you want to meet IRL.”

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hello David! Your situation seems painful and I’m sorry that this feels difficult when you dont know what to do. It’s therefore better that you asked for advice! Correct me if I’m mistaken because I dont know anything about your life literally. I can tell that clearly for me both of you want to spend time together from what you been written about this.

She doesnt seem to know how her contact needs to be with you, this uncertainty in both of you arises. You want to be closer in how you want to get close and she doesnt seem to know how she wants to get to know you (from what I know in this info youve given). There are many factors to why a person thinks and acts in several ways. What I know for sure is that if there’s no open communication between the people involved you don’t have and opportunity to try to get to know each other directly.

Before anything I think when you mention that you feel desperation you need to listen to that. There’s a reason you feel fear and it might be more ways to see on this situation than you know for now. If you act on your thoughts and feelings without understanding them there’s a possibility that you act in a way which might not be helpful for you, for her, for both of you.

Do you know why you feel desperation? you have your thoughts that you feel fearful of but why do you feel frightened of the thoughts? I dont mean to dismiss your thoughts that you fear, I ask questions as if you were to explore yourself when you have an opportunity. As for now perhaps you not knowing what you can do might be one of the answers also(?) it’s for your very best to let yourself feel unsure if youre feeling it and try not do anything you dont feel so sure of. This isn’t easy at all, of course you want to resolve this when you care but as the others here who have been trying to help in this topic I agree with them. Wait it out, try to take care of yourself, you’ll know when you know. The very best.