I can't let go of my toxic relationship

New Reply

This topic has 21 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 7 months ago by Brandy.

Viewing 6 posts - 16 through 21 (of 21 total)

← 1 2

Author

Posts
August 28, 2018 at 3:01 pm #223475

Dorothee
Participant

Hi RevRy,

Thank you for the response. My main focus for university is to obviously earn the highest marks I can but I also want to have fun at the same time. I am really eager to make new friends and form new relationships. Although I am excited for this in the future, it still hurts a lot whenever I think about the past, even if I know it is over and time for me to move on.

August 28, 2018 at 3:11 pm #223477

Dorothee
Participant

Hi Brandy,

Thank you for all of the helpful advice. 🙂

I am looking forward for Uni, and you are completely right about just being myself when making friends. Once school starts I will also get involved with student services as they offer counselling for free. The only thing that concerns me is the fact that it still hurts whenever I think abut the past, even though I know it is over and time for me to move on. What usually happens during frosh week of Uni? will I go to parties? is it as fun as everyone else says it is?

August 28, 2018 at 6:03 pm #223479

Prash
Participant

Dear Dorothee,

Good to read more about the positive vibes that you feel and great advice that you are getting here.

You asked about what to do about the anxiety that you feel when you think of your ex doing drugs. You have broken up with him and gotten back despite all his toxicity for you. So for a complete healing it is very important that you try and maintain absolutely not contact with him whatsoever.

Regarding the concern that you still seem to have, the most practical option would be to inform his family or friends whoever cares about him about the situation with him and then let to go at that.

You need to focus more on things that are in your control and the most important thing would be your healing process and growth.

It is very common to keep thinking of the past and feeling hurt despite knowing intellectually the need to move on. Here is where mindfulness and meditation help. You feel the hurt yet you are aware and able to move on because you know you cannot do anything about the past. You keep getting the focus back to the present and keep doing your best.

Take care

Best wishes for a great future.

August 28, 2018 at 9:45 pm #223483

Brandy
Participant

Hi Dorothee,

My main focus for university is to obviously earn the highest marks I can but I also want to have fun at the same time.

These are both great goals! I think another great one is to learn as much as you can while you’re there. Really learn, not just to get high marks but also to increase your knowledge in different areas. And it’s okay to question what you learn. Trust your instincts, do your own research, and draw your own conclusions.

…it still hurts whenever I think about the past, even though I know it is over and time for me to move on.

I think most people hurt when they think about certain parts of their pasts. I know I do! It’s part of being human, I think. But I believe that the hurt we feel can make us stronger. For example, take rejection. Rejection is awful and hurts terribly, but every time I get through the awful experience of being rejected I can feel how much stronger I am than before it happened. At first the hurt is really bad, and then one day I notice it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning, that I’m starting to feel a little better. Some days my feelings slip back to bad again, but over time the general trend is one of improvement, or feeling better. And then I say to myself “Whew! You’re getting through this! You can handle this after all!” That makes me feel strong and proud of myself. It’s a process though; it doesn’t happen overnight, and this process can happen for different kinds of hurt, not just rejection.

What usually happens during frosh week of Uni? will I go to parties? is it as fun as everyone else says it is?

Each university has its own unique Frosh Week. Yours may include tours of the university and the residence hall you’ll living in (if you’re not commuting from home). There may be games, concerts, parades, clubs to join, videos to watch, parties, food, and you’ll probably be meeting a lot of other frosh. I don’t know, though, what your university will be doing. I hope that it’ll be really fun!

B

August 29, 2018 at 7:24 pm #223661
Dorothee
Participant
Hi Brandy,

I will be commuting this year, so my concern is that I might not be able to fully experience a typical frosh week as people living on res. Of course I also want to party but I also wanna meet people who are there for a long time, not just a good time.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Dorothee.
August 30, 2018 at 10:42 am #223745

Brandy
Participant

Hi Dorothee,

If I were you, I would let that concern go, that is, that my frosh week experience won’t be as good as it is for those who live on campus. Here’s how my thinking would go:

1. My situation is that I am unable to live on campus this term.

2. I can’t change my situation right now. I need to accept it.

3. Since there is nothing I can do about having to live at home this term, I’m going to detach from my concern because I have the power to do that. Bye-bye, concern!

4. I’m so excited for frosh week, uni, and meeting new friends! I’m going to make it a great week! 🙂

B
Author

Posts