Dear Reina:

You shared on your various threads that you met this young man in Aug 2017 as friends. He told you at the time about his ex girlfriend of four years, that he was  not over her, and was still trying to get back with her. September he stopped all contact with you, “just ghosted, no texts and  he never replies to me”, you wrote. October his ex/ back-together girlfriend texted you to stay away from him. December he contacted you, “texting me  non stop”, but you ignored him.

February 2018 you finally responded to him, “started to open up to him”. By the end of February you went out with him as his girlfriend for the first time, “he held my hand,  we watched the sunset, he told me everything about his family, and he gave me his favorite bracelet”. The relationship got deeper in March, “way deeper, very deep. We were crazy  about each  other, I let him become my everything”.

April you had midterms, you were stressed and “things just started deteriorating”. You tried to talk with him and he “tried to get  out of evert talk we had as fast  as possible”. By the end of April he  barely contacted you and when he did, he was “distant and vague”. You then broke up with him.

After you broke up with him, you w ere devastate and “couldn’t be without him”. You “cried 24/7 and just begged that we fix  what we had”. You “always sent him poems”, told him how you felt and “just fought for him”, but he “thinks it’s arguing and he thinks I’m crazy… he just ignores everything and distances himself”. You wrote that he “seems so relieved to be single and he said.. he  made a mistake getting into a relationship with me”. You wrote that the two of you “are  on bad terms”.

In summary: the bf/gf relationship with him lasted two months,  Feb-April this year. It  is over now, and he is not at all  interested  in resuming a relationship with you. But you think about him a lot and still contacting him, still trying to cause him to want to have a relationship with you. Am I understanding correctly?

anita

P

Dear  Reina:

Regarding the “reason I don’t understand” in your recent short post, it looks to me  that his reason for having  said at  one  point (after the  ending of the two months or less relationship, Feb-April)  let’s-be-friends and at other  times ghosting you is because he can’t  get you to stop chasing him and contacting  him. So at  one  point he said let’s-be-friends, hoping you will stop sending him love poems and texting him and chasing him as a potential boyfriend.. but that didn’t work,  so he ghosted you.

Reads to me that he simply  doesn’t want any contact with you but you keep chasing him.

anita

Reina, if I were you, given the short timeline of your relationship, I would just let this one go completely. Sometimes they say they want to be friends just because they feel like it softens the blow and other times they do mean it, but it’s kind of hard to stay friends with an ex, especially so soon after a breakup. Being friends right now wouldn’t be helpful for you either, since you’re currently having trouble letting go. Talking to him often would likely only make you want to hold onto him even more, so it’s usually best to wait until you’re completely over someone before maintaining a friendship.