Dear Jasmine:

You wrote that you and your boyfriend hid your behind-the-scene relationship from his father “hoping that we can fight this together until we are both successful enough in our careers and his father will accept me eventually“-

If the aim of the plan was  for the two of you to become financially independent so to not need his father’s money and so, to be able to start your own family without his help, then the plan would make sense to me.  But the aim of your plan was  that  his father will accept you eventually- that doesn’t make sense  to me because his father is not likely to change his mind about you.

His father does not read like a reasonable person or a loving person who will re-consider his position. He made threats, you wrote, against his own son- a loving father does not do that. His father does  not care about his  son’s feelings- again, this is not the attitude  of a loving father. Your boyfriend said that “his father can go crazy and does something that can hurt  (you) so much”- this is again, an indication that  his father is not a reasonable person likely to reconsider his sentiment about you.

Reads to me that his father values power  over his son and is  likely  to hold on to his position. Changing his position would be weakness, in his own mind. I don’t  think his father  would risk appearing weak by changing his position later on.

Your boyfriend feels loyalty toward his father. And  so, it  is  probably best for you to remain broken up. As loving as your boyfriend has  been to you, unfortunately, his father is  part  of his makeup, part of his person.

I agree with your sister’s advice- his father is indeed very unlikely to change  his position about you.

anita